This one is actually from my second CD, A Tail Told By An Idiot, which I don't plan to remaster yet. I redid this primarily for the karaoke track, which I had messed up previously.

I heard there was some secret food
That I could eat when I'm in the mood
That leaves my breath awash with smell of roses
But all I eat has garlic now,
Or smelly cheese, or rancid cow,
That saddles me with lots of halitosis

My breath is strong and I need some help,
I've tried that stuff that's made from kelp,
I've tried that stuff they claim was used by Moses.
But still my breath causes plants to die
My dog moved out. No wonder why
'Cause from my lips I blow out halitosis

Maybe I have been here before,
I know the owner her name's Lenore,
She claims she has relief for everyone's noses
I saw her sign on the marble wall,
It said, "Come in and down the hall."
But she just couldn't cure my halitosis.

There was a time not long ago
I evacuated the health expo
The smell was like a skunk that decomposes
They ban me from attending now
The EPA will disallow
My presence from the stench of halitosis

Maybe there's a God above,
But I think I scared off his dove,
And even the gate of Hell upon me closes
So when I die, I go nowhere
Just sit around and foul the air
My everlasting fate from halitosis