Catching up to the collie, Russo heaves a sigh of relief at being able to accompany his friend on what he has good reason to believe will be a life threatening mission. (Un)fortunately, his fears are confirmed soon after as the duo are hurled into a bout of pest control neither of them look to walk away from unscathed.


Welp, not much to say here. Took my sweet ass time writing up this chapter and it isn’t even that long. I suppose you could consider this the official start of a new arc in the story that I’ve had planned for a while. It’s honestly the strangest feeling having something you planned out over half a year ago finally come to life. Hopefully this thing hasn’t gotten stale for those of you who read this regularly!



Icon is © to  Radku

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Chapter 38

Catching himself as he slid forward along the icy road, Russo’s curses had become increasingly creative with every stumble. Grunting loudly, his pace slowed to a jog. A couple steps later his right foot slipped along another patch of ice, sending him skidding off into the frost covered embankment.
Clenching his teeth together, heated air wafted from around his gloves and warped the surrounding air. Conjuring a tiny fireball in the palm of each hand, he pressed them together. A steady stream of flame gushed forth from between his fingertips, the pressure exerted on them forcing the fire to take the only path available towards the oxygen it so desperately needed to consume. Climbing back onto the path the irritated mage carried onward, thawing the ground with his makeshift flamethrower as he went.

“Dammit, how did he even blow through here so quickly?” Hopes of a quick reunion were dashed when Russo tried blinking to the waystone Jem had been keeping on his person for the past couple months. Popping up inside Jem’s small but homely dwelling, the mage let out a frustrated sigh when he saw the orange crystal laying on his dresser. The collie had probably gotten sick of the human appearing without warning time and time again. After trekking out of a town a second time, Russo kicked it into high gear desperate to catch up with his companion. He tried not to dwell too long on what all that tentacled freak had implied. Shaking the dull weight comprised of equal parts panic and worry from his chest, the mage kept his eyes towards the horizon, scanning for any signs of his fluffy friend.

Taking in deep and measured breaths, Jem’s attention had been ensnared by the sensations in his arm. Holding out his sword before him, the collie’s eyes glazed over, entranced by the crackling ice that sheened on its metal surface. Hand wrapped tightly around the hilt, a thin layer of frost spread along his fingers, sapping the life and warmth out of his body. Shaking his arm, a brief swell in size shook off the frigid temperatures. Clenching his muscles tightly, the giant quietly drank in the sight of his swollen musculature slowly deflating. After a couple of minutes the sword had drained enough life out of him to return him to a ‘normal’ size. A layer of frost spread out along his dull fingers and out to his furry knuckles. “Huh, Russo really wasn’t exaggerating when he said these things sucked the life out of you.” Sheathing the weapon back in its scabbard, tiny wisps of cold air spilled out from it. “So growing was enough to overpower its effects, at least temporarily.” Content with his bout of experimentation, Jem flicked a finger against his thigh. “Wonder what would happen if I tried inching up the entire time while wielding it?” Smirking, the canine’s tail wagged and kicked up a breeze.

A little trial and error here and there and he could probably figure out how much energy it sapped him of. Grow at a pace just slow enough that the energy flowing into him matched what was going out of him… heh, the collie might figure out a way to wield this thing indefinitely! Given enough practice of course. “One of the more creative, and subtler, perks of being a giant I’ll admit.” Sporting a proud and toothy grin, Jem paced along the path at a leisurely pace. Toes bunching up tight in his boots every time he hit a patch of ice, the collie’s frame briefly bulged with the extra weight needed to crunch down through the ice. Dwelling on it, Jem laughed to himself. Must be rather silly seeing him bob up and down, swelling and shrinking a foot or two every couple minutes.

“What the hell is that all about?” Gesturing towards… all of him, Russo furrowed his brows and held his hands out towards his fuzzy companion.

Holy hell it wasn’t that weird of a sight, cut him some wait a minute. Wait. “What are you doing out here?” A mixture of embarrassment and delight immediately gave way to suspicion. The additional muscles in Jem’s limbs shrank and atrophied away until his head was level with the mage’s. “And don’t bother wasting your breath saying the master had a change of heart.”

Dammit. Sighing loudly, the mage directed his gaze towards the ground. “Stupid as it sounds... I...” Bringing his head up, Russo maintained eye contact with the fur. “Had a bad... feeling, about this mission. I don’t know, something just didn’t sit right with you going out to handle it on your own.”

“You know that he’s going to tear you apart when he finds out, right?”

“I’m well aware.” Exhaling through his teeth, Russo grimaced at the unnecessary reminder.

“Hehe, well, whatever mind numbing, back breaking labor he tries to bury you under, I certainly wouldn’t mind keeping you company.” Tail wagging side to side, a warm smile curled up along the canine’s muzzle. “Good to have you, Russo.” Draping an arm over the human’s shoulder, Jem shook him gently before patting him on the back.

“Heh, not a problem. So uh, what was the deal with you just now?”

“Ehh, just one of the ways I’ve bumbled across over the years of more easily traversing uncooperative terrain. Just pack on a hundred or so plus pounds of muscle, and I can usually force a foothold in where I normally wouldn’t be able to.” Standing a good head and shoulders taller than the human in the matter of seconds, the collie pressed all of his weight down onto his right paw. A very noticeable indent remained in the ground when he stepped forward.

“That’s a handy little trick.”

Turning back towards Russo, Jem’s upturned lips creased downwards when he peered back at the road behind him. The bare earth had been scorched black, embers rising up from the blackened grass swaying alongside it. “I’m not even going to comment.”

“Oh relax, not like anything is going to catch fire when it’s this cold out. Besides, there’s snow on the ground. Not like I can set that ablaze.” Shoving his hands into his pockets, Russo took the lead.

“I’m sure you could find a way,” Jem snorted in retort. “And no, you are not supposed to take that as encouragement.” Letting his shoulders droop, he could already tell that even with his back facing him, the human was wearing a shit-eating grin; his mind already hard at work at contemplating how to set frozen water ablaze.

“So. Do we have a plan on what we’re going to do when we get there?” Swirling around to face the collie, Russo’s legs shuttled in reverse.

“No point making one until we know what we’re getting into. It’d just be a waste of mental resources to dwell on things that may or may not be.” Letting out a yawn, Jem’s pink tongue draped out of his mouth, nestled between his sharp chompers. A gush of hot breath escaping from his maw coalesced into mist and vanished in thin air. “We can figure out just how bad the Bomb infestation by asking around when we reach the village and then we can proceed from there.”

Rubbing a thumb and forefinger along the layer of stubble upon his chin, Russo put on his thinking beard. “Now that I think about it, it’s been a while since I’ve really done any sort of pest control.”

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

“Not sure. I’m kinda ambivalent about them. I like, and yet I dislike, how mindlessly easy these jobs tend to be. I love the fact that it’s *usually* easy work and money. I hate just how boring and tedious it can be. Sitting around waiting for hours to draw some stupid caterkillers out towards a trap; hunting down Slimes in a cellar only to find that one you missed has gone and divided itself a hundred times and fucktupled in number; I could go on.”

“It’s necessary work, Russo. Somebody has to do it.” Shaking his head, the collie exhaled through his teeth. “Can’t believe you’d even complain about them given how much safer they tend to be. Sure, they can drag on and get rather dull. But monsters tend to be predictable creatures of habit. …To be honest that’s probably why most of these missions tend to be tossed out to new recruits.” Shifting his jaw side to side, Jem couldn’t settle on whether or not that was because the nature of the work was typically safe and easy or, like Russo said, if it was because it was dull and routine and no one else wanted to do it. Both were ideal reasons to shove the work off onto newbies.

“Special cases like this though, I don’t mind every once in a while.” Pulling his hood down, the human’s brown hair matted against is forehead. “We’ll kick ass and be in and out of there in no time.” Shooting the collie a confident grin, Jem replied with one in turn.

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“Why did we stay here again? We knew this was sketchy as fuck as soon as we walked in!” Poking his head out from above a low stone wall, Russo’s eyes darted back and forth. Nodding at the collie, they slunk alongside it hurriedly.

“Well we can’t just leave them be!” Climbing over the wall, the duo raced towards the smoldering wreckage of what had been a modest sized home and slid underneath its raised foundation. Crawling along their stomachs, they navigated through the collapsed remnants of the first and second floor. The disturbed ash floating around them scratched and burned their eyes and nostrils.

“Sure we can, it’s easy! I just teleport us both right the hell out of here and that’s that.” A soft blue orb of magic coalesced in the mage’s upturned palm. Shaking, the human’s frantic and wide eyes screamed at the collie to just give these people a great big gigantic fuck you and leave them to their fate.

“That’s not what I meant! Yes, I do agree wholeheartedly with your assessment that they are tremendous assholes. Given the circumstances though there’s not much else they could have done!” Sticking his dry and dirt caked nose out from the crawl space, Jem nervously scooched out into the streets.

At the sight of his tail bristling, Russo grabbed hold of the fur’s appendage and dragged him back under the home. A deafening roar and rush of superheated air immediately followed, reigniting the wooden flooring above them that had been crackling embers moments before. Blurting out invectives in unison, Russo and Jem scrambled out from what was sure to become their funeral pyre if they lingered there any longer. Teleporting to and fro across the street, the mage prayed that the bursts of light from when he disappeared and reappeared would prove to be distraction enough for Jem to get clear of the area. Blinking to the village’s entrance, he kicked at the bastard that had greeted them upon arrival, who was now hiding beneath an upturned cart.

Wheezing hard, the mage’s swift kick forced the air right out of his lungs. “If we told you the truth then no one would have come out to help us!” Resting on scraped knees, the village elder begged with the irate mage to reconsider.

“Well no shit!” The human nearly hissed at the mole. Pulling his hood down and wrapping his cloak around himself tight, Russo dived behind what had maybe been some sort of shop stand. A wave of fire washed over him harmlessly as the dread beast made another pass.

“Please, I beg of you!” Head poking up from one of the multitude of holes he had dug for himself, the elder continued pleading with the human.

“Do I look like I’m in any position to be helping you?!” Crawling out from a now well-done pile of ashes, Russo remained low to the ground. His face dripping with sweat, he glared at the mole from beneath his hood. “This is not what we agreed to when we took on this mission!” Tumultuous rumblings rattled the mage’s hands, causing Russo’s face to plop down into the dirt. Grunting, he pulled himself off the ground. “We came here expecting to fight some Bombs, not a god damned-”

Diving down towards the ground, the monstrous winged reptile held out its clawed legs. Slamming into the ground, the behemoth skidded through the center of what had been a village. Massive nails tore up the stone roads, leaving horrifyingly deep gashes in the earth itself. Belching out a stream of white hot flames, it incinerated one of the few structures that remained standing. With a flap of its wings the beast fanned the flames, causing them to rise higher and higher into the sky.

“T-that thing! Just how stupid are you?! You tell us to come prepared for one thing and instead when we get here you’re all oh hey wait we were lying through our teeth instead we’re gonna have you fight a motherfucking dragon! Well shit, you should have said that from the beginning because WE SURE AS HELL AREN’T PREPARED FOR THIS.” Seething with anger, Russo’s eye twitched furiously.

“Hmmm… so you’re saying we should have told you to prepare for something worse than Bombs?” A hopeful ring in his voice, the mole was already considering how to word the next batch of letters he would send out requesting assistance. His voice echoed out from the holes leading to the network of tunnels he had dug below. “Now, in your professional opinion, if I were to oh say… claim we were being plagued by a recently hatched nest of lesser drakes, would you have still shown up then? Because those are kind of like dragons but only smaller. And I figure if we tossed onto you a big dragon instead of a bunch of little ones, that wouldn’t be too big of a-”

“STOP THAT!” Shoving a hand into one of the holes, Russo shot off a couple bolts of lightning. He followed it up with some blasts of air to send whatever debris he had kicked up hurtling through the tunnel. The sound of many loud smacks and the old mole yelping in pain made the mage slightly less infuriated. Jerking his head from side to side, the human worriedly kept on the look-out for Jem.

“Where the hell did everyone vanish off to?!” The collie franticly thought while skulking from one burned out building to the next. The absence of many charred corpses was both reassuring and worrying. Good in that the casualties were low. Bad in that with a lack of bodies, he now had even less of an idea where everyone had gone off to. Carefully navigating through the blackened skeleton of someone’s abode, the collie placed a hand against an ashen doorframe. Casting his eyes towards the sky, where a thatched roof had once been, he saw only rising smoke and embers. Treading carefully over silverware melted into the floor and toppled furniture, the collie craned his neck out the entrance. Nothing. Trotting forward, he descended a small set of stairs leading up from the gouged stone streets. Or tried to anyway. Crunching beneath his weight, the flimsy planks gave way beneath his feet. Thrown off by the abrupt drop in height, Jem stumbled forward, smashing his chin against the ground and crushing the remainder of the steps beneath his armored chest. “Unnghhh... dammit.” Brushing the splinters out of his fur, the warrior rose to his feet.

“Jem! Book it!” Russo screeched out from the other side of village. Shrieking, the mage disappeared in a flash of light right before a set of dragon claws scraped along the ground where he had been standing. Unfortunately for the collie, he was on his own. Russo’s distractions could only buy him so much time.

Ears folding flat against his head, Jem’s eyes settled upon the burgundy dragon taking one last flyby. Stretching out from one side of the street to the other, the reptile’s wingspan was frightening. Maintaining a low altitude, every flap of the dragon’s wings sent planks of wood careening through the air and sliding along the ground. Locking gazes with the fur, the scales around the reptile’s creased eyes bunched together.

Turning his back on the beast, Jem took the only course of his action his frantic mind could compose. He ran. Every time he set one foot in front of the other the gusts of air signaling the dragon’s approach grew louder and louder. Looking straight ahead, the collie focused on what had to be the only thing left standing in the village. A quaint stone well. “Would I even be able to fit in that thing?” The giant’s fevered mind asked aloud over and over again until a new one replaced it. “Am I even going to make it there?” An ear splitting roar and the deafening flap of wings seemed to suggest he wasn’t. “Shit. So much for being subtle.” Bulking up in size to the point where his furred body spilled out of his armor at the seams, the now ten foot tall collie charged forward. Turning to the side and throwing all his weight into his shoulder, the canine burst through the ring of stones, ripping them clear off their mortar. Shrinking down as fast as his body would allow him, he slammed into the other side of the well, jostling some stones loose. Vision fuzzy and ears ringing, Jem tumbled down into the depths. Peering up at the light shining down on him while he plummeted, he smirked at the sight of a wave of fire rushing just overhead. A soft glow comprised of equal parts orange and yellow filled the well, temporarily illuminating Jem’s descent. A loud and painful splash coincided with its fading.

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