[Written here and drawn largely to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR6AV9yJPoM ]

...I could say so much. But it would lose its life to say it all. It's just that recent events in my personal life went bad, in a pretty big surprise. I lost (in professional life stuff) a lot of what I thought really was going to be my destiny, what I really thought I could do for years to come.

Another part of this came from the fact that for so long, I have been drawing ponies, and... though they are oats, they still (to me) are the Lucky Charms of all art I have taken part of. The cereal box might list essential vitamins and minerals, but I could never grow from it exclusively. As a result, I really truly forgot not just how to draw dragons, but really, how to draw myself, Kurra. Between that and my destiny gone, and just the plain cold and bitterness of winter, I became a very bitter and small individual. As usual you may think and really it's okay to think that.

I see this as physical therapy, except it's mental and art and art skill therapy. Physical therapy like relearning to use your arms after a severe injury, or atrophy. I need to practice much more and mostly this is sore pain all throughout, but I had a moment of meditation in this, and... it was good. Simply good. I learned a few things. So, onward and upwards. Again.

Kurra, begin again. You are free from the smoke of uncertainty.
'But what will I what if they--'
Kurra, we both know those aren't even your own mind's usual whines and deception. Just go forward, and enjoy the silence of your mind's therapy, the chances you still have, and the fact that even nearly tied bound, you made this.
'Yes. Indeed.'
I know the eternal war of your own desires, and the desires of laziness and sloth and death still call you. We both know they will always be with you, all your life, always within reach, always good to your eyes and seemingly permissible.
'I know. I can say no to more than I did before. The stakes keep rising. Right now they seem like they are rising faster than I can grow to outsmart them, but I know that-...'
-that's not the case.
'Right. The one fear i can't shake now, is that-'
-that your friends will see you wallowing in this, and you think they will have had enough of your cycles of happiness, bad experiences, anger, numbness, and seeming inability to grow out of it? Yes, that is hard to see past, especially when you are falling. It is indeed hard to love you, almost as hard as it is to command mountain to move. You are hard headed.
'....dear heavens.'
It is hard to be your friend, it is hard to love you, but you cannot command or lure or work your way to your friends' love. Some of them will not love you, or care for you. Some of them will not love you until later in life. And some may stop. But you have bigger concerns than that. You miss the Lord's love, and that is like missing the wide side of a very huge barn. Aim for that first, then aim for the other things. Okay? Do as you are commanded, because you are so grateful that you can. Go. Do. The Lord is for you.
'...yes.'






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