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A poem about friends and friendship. I was rather confused while writing this, but I think it turned out okay.
Category Poetry / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 90px
File Size 356 B
Thank you for your concern, Aeris. Sincerely. *hugs back*
Sigh..this is gonna be a long story..
Ok, so 8 days ago, I told the guy I have the biggest crush on that I love him. He and I are good friends, and I've known him for almost 3 years now. I seriously love him more than anyone I ever met, and I just get so happy whenever I see him...
. . .
Imagine this: you're in the same room with the person you love the most. You've just told him that you have something to tell him, something very private and very important. The burden of lying to him has gotten to a point where it has to stop. You heart is racing as you friend wonders what you want to tell him so badly, and he comes closer to you and tells you to whisper it into his ear.
''I-i er-um-need to let you know-that-um-I-uh-care..about you.'' You stutter nervously, as you let go of a secret you've been holding from him for almost 3 years. Your fear of his reaction blankets the room and you do nothing but shiver, staring into his warm brown eyes like a scared little pup.
''...Thank you,'' Your friend nods, with a blissful relief filling your center. You hold onto a new found hope that maybe, just maybe he loves you too.
Suddenly, your friend's head shakes quickly as he realizes something. His eyes widen with surprise. You know exactly what he found out.
''You're gay?!'' He exclaims, censoring out the latter word, only speaking bits of it. Your face hangs low while you rest your melancholy head on a table, a cloud of dread, but slight relief, hanging over you.
''...For you,'' you murmur, your somber voice low enough for him to hear.
An awkward silence begins, with your memory beginning to look back at all of the memories between you two. All of the laughs, moments, and questions the two of you shared, and the harmful wonder of if those sweet memories will now ever even happen again, with what you just said.
''...I know it's surprising,'' you begin. ''But...if this makes you uncomfortable with me..then--''
''It kinda does.'' Your friend interrupts.
''Ahh...we're still cool as friends, and stuff but...'' Your friend continues.
Your ears perk up at this. ''We're still friends?!'' you think.
''But...I don't swing like that.'' Your friend states with a look of discomfort on his face.
You have to stop you heart from breaking. Your heart is hanging at the edge of you soul's cliff, and it falls off. You desperately reach for it, and you catch it!..
...Yet it lies there, your heart of glass....
...cracked.
. . .
All of this happened to me after I told him, after what felt like a lifetime with him. For his birthday last year, I drew a rendition of this picture --> http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1126527/
And gave it to him, and he absolutely loved it! He hung it on his wall, and kept it there, amazed at how awesome it was. (I took a whole bunch of index cards and made a piece of paper with it, and drew the picture just in time for his birthday.) He still has it, (oh God I hope) but I should explain something else first:
He's a Christian, yet he says he's not having kids. He lust over the pretty girls in our class, yet I'm the only person (excluding his family) that's ever said ''I love you,'' to him.
And I'm (probably) the only homosexual in the class. (I'm also the only furry out of my entire school; this I know.) He's kissed me 3 TIMES in my dreams, (the 3rd one felt the most real) and I've had more than one wet dream about him. My friends playfully wonder how outrageous it'd be if I were gay, because I act like the straightest guy in my class. (I do.) Even he, the one I love, was extremely surprised when I told him, which was illustrated from the little story above. (Which all of it unfortunately happened.)
..I'm really glad that he and I are still friends, but...I just can't live with that.
I can't--I just can't get him out of my head--I love him. I love him.
It *almost* broke my heart when he said that to me, even though I know there's nothing I can do about it. I can't find another person. I can't let go of him. I can't.
I know that a good remedy for my cracked (pretty much shattered) heart is to speak with him, which I tried to do...
....But...it was almost like he was avoiding me...
Like he didn't want anything to do with me anyone, after all I've done. After all this time that we've been friends...
Oh, God. As I'm typing this, we have a break from school, which is where I see and speak to him. I told him that I love him during a field trip--which was more like a camping trip--and ever since the trip we've been on break, so I haven't been able to talk to him...
...And it's killing me.
He and I, during lunch, usually sit by ourselves, just the two of us, at a lonely table away from the rest of the people...that didn't happen when we got back from the trip. I had to sit with my two other friends, who I really just wanted to go away, because I really just wanted to speak to him, and him only.
Time is the only thing that can tell me what will happen between us...
..And to think today's Valentine's Day...
The wait and suspense is absolutely killing me, and I just want to explain everything to him..just so he understands, and hopefully will then be more comfortable with me.
I can only hope..but to hope is to not know...
Sigh, I wrote this poem, ''Friends'' right after I told him. I was so...SO scared of how our friendship (which really is our relationship as possible mates) would be now that he knows that I love him, and I wrote this to express that. I literally hit rock bottom, tasting depression as I tried to fight it back as best as I could, (''You have to stop you heart from breaking.'') and tried to feel happier...when deep down inside, is a cold, melancholy stone that I have the burden of concealing within my body.
...Only he can save me from spinning around in circles...
Yet, I have no idea if he even WANTS to talk to me anymore...
...If you look at the thumbnail picture for this poem, then you'll see that it's my attempt at drawing a friendship bracelet with the word ''FRIEND'' on it. The letters, ''FRI'' are covered by a stain of blood, leaving ''END'' to be the only letters left...as I feel like our possible love, which probably never was even there at all, has ended with me saying three words to one person.
''I love you,''
..Now I'm wondering if I should've posted this as a journal, but if things get any better (or possibly worse) then I'll post a journal of that in due time.
..Y'know, I actually feel like it's my fault that he doesn't love me back, because I care about him too much to give him any blame...it's my fault..I told him that I love him.
...But, I just didn't want to lie to him anymore. Not after almost 3 years of waking up to lie to the one I love--I just couldn't do it anymore. I HAD to tell him.
I certainly don't regret telling him...but..he and I...
He always stood up for me. Even the little things. He is the most forgiving person I've ever met, and always shakes off mistakes that I make like they're nothing. (The mistakes I make have me feel like crap, which he then makes me happy again with his forgiveness.)
He was grateful that I cared for him, yet he quickly figured out that I not only care for him, but love him to death as well...and now I have no clue if he even likes me anymore.
He...made me happy. He makes me so happy...
He still does..even after all of the inner torment he's caused me. Despite the torment not being his fault--it wasn't until 8 days ago that he knew that I love him. How would he know? He's straight, yet I can't live with that. I just can't.
''Where Are You?'' is another poem I submitted to FA that speaks of him. The title comes from me asking where he is, since he only appears in my mind. Yet, he's real. He is real.
It's just that my little hope that he loves me is just a silly fantasy of mine, brewed in my mind to escape depression.
If you're wondering--no. I'm not depressed now. I feel a lot better, since I have a place to be me without there being any hate. (Also known as the Furry Fandom.) I'm extremely thankful for the friends I have here, all if the amazing art and people I'm so happy that I've met. And I'm also very thankful to you, Aeris, for you concern of me. Sincerely, thank you.
I'm not depressed, I'm just drowning in a blue sea of hope with dark clouds that rain melancholy over my head.
Oh, and Aeris--do you want to know the best part of all of this? (sarcasm)
If my parents will get heart attacks if they find out I'm in love with another guy. Then, they'll get another heart attack when they find out I'm a furry, which they'll get used to. Same thing goes for my friends.
...The one I love...he's a German Shepherd...my shep-shep. (He reminds me a lot of a G-shep.)
..My beloved sheppy-shep...
Aeris, I'm REALLY sorry for the mountain of text I spent the past hour writing, but it was something I NEEDED to say.
Later Days, Aeris.
And thank you.
To all my friends, on FA, or not:
I thank you sincerely.
Sigh..this is gonna be a long story..
Ok, so 8 days ago, I told the guy I have the biggest crush on that I love him. He and I are good friends, and I've known him for almost 3 years now. I seriously love him more than anyone I ever met, and I just get so happy whenever I see him...
. . .
Imagine this: you're in the same room with the person you love the most. You've just told him that you have something to tell him, something very private and very important. The burden of lying to him has gotten to a point where it has to stop. You heart is racing as you friend wonders what you want to tell him so badly, and he comes closer to you and tells you to whisper it into his ear.
''I-i er-um-need to let you know-that-um-I-uh-care..about you.'' You stutter nervously, as you let go of a secret you've been holding from him for almost 3 years. Your fear of his reaction blankets the room and you do nothing but shiver, staring into his warm brown eyes like a scared little pup.
''...Thank you,'' Your friend nods, with a blissful relief filling your center. You hold onto a new found hope that maybe, just maybe he loves you too.
Suddenly, your friend's head shakes quickly as he realizes something. His eyes widen with surprise. You know exactly what he found out.
''You're gay?!'' He exclaims, censoring out the latter word, only speaking bits of it. Your face hangs low while you rest your melancholy head on a table, a cloud of dread, but slight relief, hanging over you.
''...For you,'' you murmur, your somber voice low enough for him to hear.
An awkward silence begins, with your memory beginning to look back at all of the memories between you two. All of the laughs, moments, and questions the two of you shared, and the harmful wonder of if those sweet memories will now ever even happen again, with what you just said.
''...I know it's surprising,'' you begin. ''But...if this makes you uncomfortable with me..then--''
''It kinda does.'' Your friend interrupts.
''Ahh...we're still cool as friends, and stuff but...'' Your friend continues.
Your ears perk up at this. ''We're still friends?!'' you think.
''But...I don't swing like that.'' Your friend states with a look of discomfort on his face.
You have to stop you heart from breaking. Your heart is hanging at the edge of you soul's cliff, and it falls off. You desperately reach for it, and you catch it!..
...Yet it lies there, your heart of glass....
...cracked.
. . .
All of this happened to me after I told him, after what felt like a lifetime with him. For his birthday last year, I drew a rendition of this picture --> http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1126527/
And gave it to him, and he absolutely loved it! He hung it on his wall, and kept it there, amazed at how awesome it was. (I took a whole bunch of index cards and made a piece of paper with it, and drew the picture just in time for his birthday.) He still has it, (oh God I hope) but I should explain something else first:
He's a Christian, yet he says he's not having kids. He lust over the pretty girls in our class, yet I'm the only person (excluding his family) that's ever said ''I love you,'' to him.
And I'm (probably) the only homosexual in the class. (I'm also the only furry out of my entire school; this I know.) He's kissed me 3 TIMES in my dreams, (the 3rd one felt the most real) and I've had more than one wet dream about him. My friends playfully wonder how outrageous it'd be if I were gay, because I act like the straightest guy in my class. (I do.) Even he, the one I love, was extremely surprised when I told him, which was illustrated from the little story above. (Which all of it unfortunately happened.)
..I'm really glad that he and I are still friends, but...I just can't live with that.
I can't--I just can't get him out of my head--I love him. I love him.
It *almost* broke my heart when he said that to me, even though I know there's nothing I can do about it. I can't find another person. I can't let go of him. I can't.
I know that a good remedy for my cracked (pretty much shattered) heart is to speak with him, which I tried to do...
....But...it was almost like he was avoiding me...
Like he didn't want anything to do with me anyone, after all I've done. After all this time that we've been friends...
Oh, God. As I'm typing this, we have a break from school, which is where I see and speak to him. I told him that I love him during a field trip--which was more like a camping trip--and ever since the trip we've been on break, so I haven't been able to talk to him...
...And it's killing me.
He and I, during lunch, usually sit by ourselves, just the two of us, at a lonely table away from the rest of the people...that didn't happen when we got back from the trip. I had to sit with my two other friends, who I really just wanted to go away, because I really just wanted to speak to him, and him only.
Time is the only thing that can tell me what will happen between us...
..And to think today's Valentine's Day...
The wait and suspense is absolutely killing me, and I just want to explain everything to him..just so he understands, and hopefully will then be more comfortable with me.
I can only hope..but to hope is to not know...
Sigh, I wrote this poem, ''Friends'' right after I told him. I was so...SO scared of how our friendship (which really is our relationship as possible mates) would be now that he knows that I love him, and I wrote this to express that. I literally hit rock bottom, tasting depression as I tried to fight it back as best as I could, (''You have to stop you heart from breaking.'') and tried to feel happier...when deep down inside, is a cold, melancholy stone that I have the burden of concealing within my body.
...Only he can save me from spinning around in circles...
Yet, I have no idea if he even WANTS to talk to me anymore...
...If you look at the thumbnail picture for this poem, then you'll see that it's my attempt at drawing a friendship bracelet with the word ''FRIEND'' on it. The letters, ''FRI'' are covered by a stain of blood, leaving ''END'' to be the only letters left...as I feel like our possible love, which probably never was even there at all, has ended with me saying three words to one person.
''I love you,''
..Now I'm wondering if I should've posted this as a journal, but if things get any better (or possibly worse) then I'll post a journal of that in due time.
..Y'know, I actually feel like it's my fault that he doesn't love me back, because I care about him too much to give him any blame...it's my fault..I told him that I love him.
...But, I just didn't want to lie to him anymore. Not after almost 3 years of waking up to lie to the one I love--I just couldn't do it anymore. I HAD to tell him.
I certainly don't regret telling him...but..he and I...
He always stood up for me. Even the little things. He is the most forgiving person I've ever met, and always shakes off mistakes that I make like they're nothing. (The mistakes I make have me feel like crap, which he then makes me happy again with his forgiveness.)
He was grateful that I cared for him, yet he quickly figured out that I not only care for him, but love him to death as well...and now I have no clue if he even likes me anymore.
He...made me happy. He makes me so happy...
He still does..even after all of the inner torment he's caused me. Despite the torment not being his fault--it wasn't until 8 days ago that he knew that I love him. How would he know? He's straight, yet I can't live with that. I just can't.
''Where Are You?'' is another poem I submitted to FA that speaks of him. The title comes from me asking where he is, since he only appears in my mind. Yet, he's real. He is real.
It's just that my little hope that he loves me is just a silly fantasy of mine, brewed in my mind to escape depression.
If you're wondering--no. I'm not depressed now. I feel a lot better, since I have a place to be me without there being any hate. (Also known as the Furry Fandom.) I'm extremely thankful for the friends I have here, all if the amazing art and people I'm so happy that I've met. And I'm also very thankful to you, Aeris, for you concern of me. Sincerely, thank you.
I'm not depressed, I'm just drowning in a blue sea of hope with dark clouds that rain melancholy over my head.
Oh, and Aeris--do you want to know the best part of all of this? (sarcasm)
If my parents will get heart attacks if they find out I'm in love with another guy. Then, they'll get another heart attack when they find out I'm a furry, which they'll get used to. Same thing goes for my friends.
...The one I love...he's a German Shepherd...my shep-shep. (He reminds me a lot of a G-shep.)
..My beloved sheppy-shep...
Aeris, I'm REALLY sorry for the mountain of text I spent the past hour writing, but it was something I NEEDED to say.
Later Days, Aeris.
And thank you.
To all my friends, on FA, or not:
I thank you sincerely.
Hon, trust me, I know what it's like to like someone and not be liked back.
But if he truly is straight, then it is best for you to just put those feelings out of your mind.
Dwelling on love that cannot be returned is ruinous. You have to be mature and be willing to let your feelings for him go.
I know it's going to hurt, and I'm only being this blunt with you because you need to hear it. Take it from a guy whose had a few more years of experience from you.
That being said, if you ever need to vent to anyone again, you can note me
*hugs*
But if he truly is straight, then it is best for you to just put those feelings out of your mind.
Dwelling on love that cannot be returned is ruinous. You have to be mature and be willing to let your feelings for him go.
I know it's going to hurt, and I'm only being this blunt with you because you need to hear it. Take it from a guy whose had a few more years of experience from you.
That being said, if you ever need to vent to anyone again, you can note me
*hugs*
*hugs back*
Thank you Aeris. You're right. As much as I wouldn't like to admit it, yet it's true.
It's going to be hard to move on...but I have to, for the better of the both of us.
Thank you for taking you time to read that, it means a lot to me.
Thank you, and I'll try my best to move on.
As the saying goes:
''If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were.''
It's..for the best.
I have to.
Thank you, again.
Thank you Aeris. You're right. As much as I wouldn't like to admit it, yet it's true.
It's going to be hard to move on...but I have to, for the better of the both of us.
Thank you for taking you time to read that, it means a lot to me.
Thank you, and I'll try my best to move on.
As the saying goes:
''If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were.''
It's..for the best.
I have to.
Thank you, again.
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