O wow that close must be very hard for you.

It is. It's been almost a year, and I'm still no where close to over it.... I think about him almost every day, and always wear the "In Memory" bracelets I have. I just do my best to not be sad, even though sometimes, it's really, really hard. :/

-hugs-

not much but its all i can give you while i am deployed

I know, hon.

*sigh* Yeah it's hard too. It hits randomly, but spaced father apart now. But as it draws near I do think about him more. I haven't had any dreams of him for months until about
2 weeks ago I had a dream about him. I think it symbolizes getting on with life n such. And no, you don't get over these things. You live with it, learn from it, and stay strong
because of it. I look forward to the future and where I will end up. And I often wonder who will come into my life but I am not in a hurry for that. Though I am eager and picture
myself leading a happy life, I will still reminisce, and remember him, and think about him, and I will get those tiny little sad moments. I hope they will go away.
I pray that the sadness will go away but I know they won't go away completely. I just hope that my future is with people I care about, my friends like you. I might not even want to live in California
anymore. I want to travel to where all my friends are at. So yeah we all will still feel sad. Sin is still taking it hard as well. I found myself crying right after watching the Epic Sheep Sound
video... I miss him a lot. I have no more guilt, I have come to terms with it, but I still feel sadness of course. I space out in a moment of disbelief when I think about his face looking at me, and I still can't believe that it call actually came to this. That he's gone and I'm here... in my parents house back to square one :/ I'm sorry to put it that way. But it's a thought that I had for a while and it actually happened. I didn't actually want it to happen.
I wanted our first apartment in Maryland. But it's like, having our own apartment was not meant to be. And I am not meant to be out on my own, with friends... My parents are giving
me crap again, and I really don't want to be here. I have no more life, currently :/

The bouts of tears does hit randomly, but they're getting more frequent as we get closer to the anniversary. I STILL can't believe he's gone. It's just... Unfathomable.... It's like, it feels like one long running, god awful joke, or more fitting, a nightmare. It still doesn't feel real.... It really doesn't, and it hurts like hell.

I still randomly bleat like a sheep in memory of him. We seriously all should have gotten together and just bleated at FC. It would have been awesome.

I know you didn't want it to happen. None of us did..... We can all look back and say "What if...." or "I wish....", but none of that is going to change anything... And it's frustrating...

I can only imagine the crap you're going through hon.... It sounds like your parents are just giving you a really hard time.... Can you talk to them and get them to ease up? Maybe they don't realize how you're still suffering. I mean, I understand wanting to get up, and get back to living, but that's your choice, not theirs. They really need to ease up, because it's not going to make your life any better. :/

We don't really have a life either.... We're barely scraping by.... Trying like hell to conserve our gas, because we have nothing to fill the tank back with.... We're literally just kind of stuck sitting here, staring around going, "Well...this sucks...." and not able to do anything but wait on other people. It sucks so friggin badly..... I hate this shit...

I'm really sorry. I thought Chance would have been able to get a job quick... but even I'm not getting luck. My mom says that she's given me enough time and it's almost been a year
and she says I really should get on with my life by now >.>
But she's right though. I'm not really suffering that much anymore, I don't think. I really should get a job because I have my own bills to take care of and I'm not getting anymore income
at all. So I really do need to start making money. They think I like sitting around doing nothing. And my mom keeps telling me, "Your friends are good friends. But you can't keep depending on them
because sooner or later they WILL betray you. You're lucky if you even have one true friend."
Now their making excuses to diss my all my friends too. They're saying that I'm hanging with the wrong crowd n such."Are all your friends younger than you? How old are those people who go to these
conventions? Do you even have one friend who is a proffessional?"

*Facedesk* I love it when people go after one's closest assets.... Not like we pulled together like AWESOMENESS to help you GET back home, or anything.... Oh yeah, sure, we're gonna all stab you in the back, Serps. Not like we all love and adore you..... *facedeskfacedeskfacedesk*

Yeah.... though all the donations should have went straight to me... my parents only saw $500, and I only $900, out of the $7000 that Tiberious claimed to have gotten. Last I heard him say
was that most were IOUs or amounts that people promised that he counted in. I'm too scared to question him about it...
But anyway! You're still right though. I know all my friends here support me... Even though a lot did make some empty promises hehe.

Oh wow... That's.... Um...... Really frightening... I would actually ask him about it.... I know personally where a full $300 of that came from... But 7K unaccounted for? That's like... Unacceptable....

Okay...