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In loving memory
16 years ago
General
I want to share this one more time before I want to bury these emotions in my mind... *cries*
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3112724/ - Memory gift by Runoratsu
When I got back home on Sunday night, everything was still fine. Ashati was scratching at the doormat, and came with me to bed, lying on my belly, purring. I took one (last) photo of her for Twitter... 1 or 2 minutes after that she had the first seizure.
She was still lying on my belly, shaking, wildly twitching and struggling with incredible force, crying, fluid running out of her mouth and eye. I was holding her tight, talking to her that I'm there. It took about 20-30 seconds. Afterwards she was all exhausted and disorientated. She walked through the flat, not wanting to stop, hit walls, still tried to eat and go to her toilet, then laid down on the floor. I took her to bed several times, but she did not want to stay. I talked to the animal hospital (phone), but I already knew there was nothing I could do about those seizures... except releasing her. And I did not want to do that in any random hospital, but at our vet, who knew her and who's very kind, and who was the one and only reason why we still had those 6 weeks together since the first stroke.
One 1 later, I heard her in the kitchen when she had the second seizure. It was almost worse than before. It was so incredibly brutal for that little body, the floor was all wet afterwards. I held her tight, and took her to bed with me afterwards. This time she stayed, lying in my arm next to me. I stayed up all night to see that she stays there. At 3am, she had a third stroke... next to me in bed. I petted her all the time and talked to her.
Lying there, counting the hours until our vet opened. In the morning, at about 7am, she had a fourth seizure. She also wetted the bed during the seizure. She was already that exhausted that she couldn't walk or move any more. I took her in my arms, placed her on my chest, where she finally relaxed a little and seemed to sleep a little, nose on my chest. I talked to her all the time, she moved out a paw and touched my face and gave me a weak headrub... those are the moments when you don't know how not to die yourself...
At 8:30 I headed to the vet. On our way there, she had a fifth seizure in her box. The vet immediately called us in. I trust him blindly, as he always gives animals a chance as long as there's the slightest hope. But he immediately said that there is no hope that this will get better again (as she already got all medication that could possibly help preventing a seizure, and it didn't help), Ashati also didn't had any pupil reactions any more, just lying there, all wet and at the end of her strength. He gave her the first injection, anesthesia. I took her on my arms and went to a little room next door. Holding her in my arms against my chest and heartbeat, talking to her all the time, until she faded away, sleeping... softly snoring like she used to do in the past. Sitting there with Ashati in my arms, until the vet came. Back to the examination room. Lights were turned off, just a candle burning. I put her on the table where she got the final injection that sent her to peace. Now she is free again... no pain, no blindness, just love. I know you will be guided by my brother.
I left her at the vet, arranging that she will be picked up to get a single cremation, just her, and sending back her ashes to me. I chose a cinerary urn with a sun symbol for her, I think it fits for her, my little sunshine... She will be back home next week.
...
I am very thankful that I was able to be with you, during that night, until the very last moment, it's like you waited for me to come home for it to happen, to let me take that one last photo of you... You weren't alone, I was with you, I did anything possible to care for you (medication), we had the chance to say goodbye and still had 6 wonderful weeks of love together, there are no doubts any more if it was the right decision, 5 seizures were a clear sign that it was time (and I finally know that it was really a stroke, not just assumptions), and finally - it happened rather quickly (only 9 hours from the first seizure until the release). I do know even that last journey, inevitable, was a gift to both of us.
My love, my little angel... I will always love you with all my heart. I can feel your presence, your spirit is with me in my heart, wherever I go. Thank you for all the love you gave me. We will always be together.
I love you... I always will.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3112724/ - Memory gift by Runoratsu
When I got back home on Sunday night, everything was still fine. Ashati was scratching at the doormat, and came with me to bed, lying on my belly, purring. I took one (last) photo of her for Twitter... 1 or 2 minutes after that she had the first seizure.
She was still lying on my belly, shaking, wildly twitching and struggling with incredible force, crying, fluid running out of her mouth and eye. I was holding her tight, talking to her that I'm there. It took about 20-30 seconds. Afterwards she was all exhausted and disorientated. She walked through the flat, not wanting to stop, hit walls, still tried to eat and go to her toilet, then laid down on the floor. I took her to bed several times, but she did not want to stay. I talked to the animal hospital (phone), but I already knew there was nothing I could do about those seizures... except releasing her. And I did not want to do that in any random hospital, but at our vet, who knew her and who's very kind, and who was the one and only reason why we still had those 6 weeks together since the first stroke.
One 1 later, I heard her in the kitchen when she had the second seizure. It was almost worse than before. It was so incredibly brutal for that little body, the floor was all wet afterwards. I held her tight, and took her to bed with me afterwards. This time she stayed, lying in my arm next to me. I stayed up all night to see that she stays there. At 3am, she had a third stroke... next to me in bed. I petted her all the time and talked to her.
Lying there, counting the hours until our vet opened. In the morning, at about 7am, she had a fourth seizure. She also wetted the bed during the seizure. She was already that exhausted that she couldn't walk or move any more. I took her in my arms, placed her on my chest, where she finally relaxed a little and seemed to sleep a little, nose on my chest. I talked to her all the time, she moved out a paw and touched my face and gave me a weak headrub... those are the moments when you don't know how not to die yourself...
At 8:30 I headed to the vet. On our way there, she had a fifth seizure in her box. The vet immediately called us in. I trust him blindly, as he always gives animals a chance as long as there's the slightest hope. But he immediately said that there is no hope that this will get better again (as she already got all medication that could possibly help preventing a seizure, and it didn't help), Ashati also didn't had any pupil reactions any more, just lying there, all wet and at the end of her strength. He gave her the first injection, anesthesia. I took her on my arms and went to a little room next door. Holding her in my arms against my chest and heartbeat, talking to her all the time, until she faded away, sleeping... softly snoring like she used to do in the past. Sitting there with Ashati in my arms, until the vet came. Back to the examination room. Lights were turned off, just a candle burning. I put her on the table where she got the final injection that sent her to peace. Now she is free again... no pain, no blindness, just love. I know you will be guided by my brother.
I left her at the vet, arranging that she will be picked up to get a single cremation, just her, and sending back her ashes to me. I chose a cinerary urn with a sun symbol for her, I think it fits for her, my little sunshine... She will be back home next week.
...
I am very thankful that I was able to be with you, during that night, until the very last moment, it's like you waited for me to come home for it to happen, to let me take that one last photo of you... You weren't alone, I was with you, I did anything possible to care for you (medication), we had the chance to say goodbye and still had 6 wonderful weeks of love together, there are no doubts any more if it was the right decision, 5 seizures were a clear sign that it was time (and I finally know that it was really a stroke, not just assumptions), and finally - it happened rather quickly (only 9 hours from the first seizure until the release). I do know even that last journey, inevitable, was a gift to both of us.
My love, my little angel... I will always love you with all my heart. I can feel your presence, your spirit is with me in my heart, wherever I go. Thank you for all the love you gave me. We will always be together.
I love you... I always will.
that's harsh
much love
it's hard losing a friend
she's in a better place
<3
Reading this made me cry a bit and made me thankful for what I have right now. So only thing i can say is that I am sorry for your loss and that if there's anything you need, feel free to lemme know.
Much
bless your cat... forever in time
This made me cry. Of course we are all here when you need a friend.
best wishes <3
*hugs*
;-;
;-;
;-;
;-;
Sometimes it's better to choose when it happens, rather than let nature take its agonizing course.
*hugs*
Ashati was as much of a member of your family as Oscar was a member of mine. Oscar was my brother, though not of the human world, I still loved him.
Believe me, I understand the pain you're feeling. I only wish I could be there for you.
He started getting eye and nose infections, and slowly went blind. we put him down about a year ago.
We rescued another kitten about a week ago, his name is Oreo, and as cute as he is, he can't replace Tigger.
I know how it is to lose a loved one, and you have my sympathies.
<3
<3 RIP
I'm at least glad you had the heartfelt opportunity to say goodbye to her one last time. Now that she is finally at peace, she will forever watch over you. Your love and devotion to her will always be there.
This song, I found here on FA, should be played for her funeral. It's absolutely beautiful: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2101092/
Im very sorry to hear and I know its kinda late to respond, but I hope and pray she rests in peace. A very sad thing but I am glad that she isnt in pain anymore, I'd cry my eyes out.
My deepest sympathies go to u Tani
But I am sure that it was a big help for her that you were by her side all the time. Did went all the way with her, calmed her and finally made this feared last decision that brought her peace.
She will wait for you behind the rainbowbride and since then.... she will be your guard.
I hope you will feel better soon. Knowing that it can take some time... pets are almost like family members (for me they are), I wish you the best in this hard time.
And dear kitty: RIP and play with all those lovely other pets where you are now...
I am thankful that she is in a better place without pain and with someone to guide and help watch over you. She was a beautiful and silly kittycat. Pets are like family, no matter how you look at it.
My you rest in peace Miss Ashati, filled with all the playthings of life.<3
*many hugs to dear Tani.*
As much as it may not help now, I hope it will in the future, but, remember that she loved you and knew you did everything under the sky to make her better and she had a good life that you gave her.
I wish I could say or do something to make it all better. I really hate when I can't fix things. But, I know only too well what you're feeling now. We may not know eachother well, but, if you ever need a shoulder, don't you hesitate to let me know.
I have alot of respect for you being there for her when she was put asleep not alot of people could handle it. I was there for my cat when they put him asleep and its heart breaking but its the best thing to be there for them. You tend to be there for most of their life why not be there when they pass from this world to the next, someone that loved them dearly.
/me offers as much hugs as she can
I can't imagine how hard it must have been that night to be witness to that all. You're very strong; keep your head up, and I wish you the best. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
*hugs you tight* I am here for you if you want to talk...
there are many things i could say from the heart to help make you feel better. but just know that i'm counting on you to get over this soon.
i know what it's like to lose an animal friend. there are many many memories of Ashati that won't be forgotten.
keep your chin up. (:
*wipes eyes*
*hug* just know know that the pain is over and they are frolicking in a better painless place.
RIP Ashati
May you look down upon your owner with all the love she has given you.
I'm very sorry to hear you were faced with that ever so hard decision. You have my condolences and you are in my thoughts. Let the good times you shared together carry you through your mourning.
Swift
I'm sure there are many people who don't get that opportunity.
Losing a loved one is horrible. Pets as well as humans.
But I am glad that you got to be with her until the end, and it warms my heart to see a cat owner who cares so much for her precious little furry friend and tries so hard to save her, like you did.
You have my condolences as well, and I am sure that Ashati is in a happy place now, finally with peace and no more strokes or struggles.
I hope you feel better soon.
All the best thoughts to you here from Denmark.
I just lost my beautiful girl too...
http://bearknight.livejournal.com/146573.html
RIP
she loves you for your love for her!!!
May she be your true muse and bless you with inspiration!!!
if i had a loved one that was dying i would also choose to have them die in my arms. to have them smell my scent, feel my body heat, hear my heart beat. i would also like to go out the same way as i slip into nonexistence, only to live on in the minds of my friends.
i am sorry to hear of your loss, but at least you had the altruism to keep your pet alive for those six weeks. words can't describe my gratitude for your selflessness.
A month after I was born my mom's cat had a litter of kittens, and one of the boys, a little black one with salt in his fur, as soon as he was able to leave the box, climbed into my playpen and cuddled up with me. His name was Pepper, and from that moment on, he was my twin. I could do anything with him and he never cared, all he did was purr. One time when I was 4 or 5 I decided to wash him, with an entire bottle of Johnson & Johnson's Baby Shampoo. He lived to be 21 years old, and died one month before my daughter was born.
Because of my pregnancy I was forced to say good bye from a distance, and although he hung around until he knew I had someone to live for, the pain of losing him still hurts. If you ever need to talk, Tani, I'm willing to listen.
RIP Ashati
RIP Pepper
You will always be loved, and we will see you on the other side.
The tears I shed are for her, may she rest in peace.. I wish I could offer more help, more support. The best of luck to you all.
Cheer up, sweetie - you knew, she wouldn't be with you forever. (- that helps me furget my bird. I've just thought of.... he could live 12 years max, so this day gonna get all pets sometime.) It's hard to use, but its possible.
I have lost many pets and I used to cry every time we lost one... But that doesn't happen anymore... Now whenever we lose a pet my face just goes blank and I hated myself for that.
And I was really shocked when we lost a cat recently who had liver and kidney failure. When I heard the news I was horrified the ends of my mouth were curving upwards and starting to smirk. I was very angry at that and I literally threw a couple of punches at my own stomach. I waited till I was alone tho so I wudnt freak people out.
The only time I've ever shed tears since then was from Reading a book that had a really sad ending. But I tho m it was the fact that several wolves died in it is what got toe and I adore wolves greatly so it's depressing to me when a wolf character dies
I'm so sorry... *hugs* I hate seeing pets have seizures, it is one of the worst things that can happen, because you know there is nothing you can do...my first dog had a seizure, it was so scary. After it, he couldn't use his back legs anymore. I know exactly what you mean when you say it's hard not to die, yourself, when you see these things... *hugs again*
I don't know what else to say...losing a pet is hard, especially in that sort of way...
I am sure it was a big shock for you and I hope that will ou get over it. but we all will keep Ashati in your minds. even if her body is dead now. in our Bodys she will live forever.
I'm sorry to hear that she passed on. But she's in a better place. Earlier this year I had to go through the pain of putting down 2 of my cats within a month of each other. One was 11, the other 19. The 19 year old I had since she was 4 weeks old. The 11 since he was 2 weeks old. I know the pain and reading your story made me remember what I went through and brought tears to my eyes, and a choke in my throat. Hang in there.
i lost my cat when i was growing up :s
may she rest in peace
I wish you well.
v.v I'm not good at this..
Your beloved went through hell in those final hours, but they went through it with you. Take pride in knowing that you guided a loved one to the peace of death, and you meant all the best.
>> http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2631385/ << You've followed the 10 pet commandments well :)
Her spirit, and the spirits of others will be with you, always.
My deepest sympathy.
The vet cremations are a wonderful service. I had that for my last cat, and it was the best way to go.
Take care hun.
*Hug*
I wish I could offer more support than that, but when losing a pet I know that words are rarely enough.
You wrote this so full of love, it's so touching
I will never find the words to say how i feel with you, so i just can offer virtual a hug... :/
I hope you feel better soon, Tani. *Hugs again, because I think you need hugs*
Best wishes to you man.
Hope you feel better.
...I'm just glad the end was painless and that you were both together...
*offers a hug* I hope you're going to be alright, I really do mean the best of wishes...
*hugs*
*hugs*
Please be happy for her, for where she is now, and always remember how much she loves you. *huggles you warmly*
I kind of know how you feel, my cat has seizures sometimes... she's old, but she's still healthy for the most part.
It's always hard losing someone you love- take care of yourself hon
-Arctic
Well i really dont know what to say to make you feel better but i guess theres nothing someone can say.....oh well again, sorry.
Hugs
I'm truly sorry to hear about Ashati's death. We all know how much you love her. And your bond shall yet continue. She may have left this life, but with a love so strong, there's no doubt, that she will be with you in your heart and soul, forever. You gave her the best life she could ever wish for, and for that I'm sure, her spirit won't leave you!
Do know, that she's in a good place now. No pain, no suffering. She is well prepared for her next life, ready to move on, and happy to have your love with her on the trip!
May the love and joy of Ashati never be forgotten!
Kindest wishes
- Foxfur
That was really touching.
I'm never good with words for such an occasion, but I can feel with you.
*hugs ya tight*
Always keep the good moments with her in your mind
=^..^=
Im glad to hear that you had the chance for a last picture. Many aren't that fortunate to be there and have the final goodbyes. When my last pet went it was in her sleep. And so suddenly too. No signs of anything being wrong.
Life is full of sudden things and as sad as some events may be, Im shure there is a reason for all things that occur. even though we cannot see what they are I take it as a bit of faith to understand them.
To you, Keep them always at heart. Remember them and honor them, but don't stop all for them for im shure even your cat wishes for life to continue.
Im sorry to hear about this loss, Things happen just be happy for all the times spent together up till the end, The best thing that anyone could give is being there and im shure even in death your beloved cat will remember you for that..
=) Your a good person for that.. never forget it.
May the pain of grief be brief, dear heart, and the bright memories give you strength. My heart goes out to you in this time of bereavement. May you find some slight solace in the outpouring of love and friendship here.
With hugs of comfort and love to salve an aching soul,
Yours,
Mika Kyubi
Kitsune-at-Large
again I say its simply amazing how they wait for us.
Take care of yourself Tani, for her, for Ashati. God bless you both!
he was an always will be my little dude.
I loved him so much and I held him on his final day,
I knew he was at peace when I looked into his big beautiful eyes.
I weep to this day for my little dude.
My deepest and sincerest condolences
take care my friend
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTiEtIfnBpU
its not as sad as it sounds it gives us hope and the power to accept what
inevitably will be.
you will be with her again, and she will be waiting.