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how I became an adult baby.
11 years ago
What you're about to read below is part of how I came to be who I am. The early years I guess. Where they say all fetishes stem from your childhood somewhere. If you don't want to read it that's cool. But I wanted to ask you here at the top.
How did you get into the adult baby/ diaper lover/ babyfur/ adult diaperfur scene? I'm about to tell you my story but I'm keen to hear yours. Maybe we can compare notes.
Anyway... Everything below is true, it's not based on my fursona or fantasies. These things happened.
I can't remember being potty trained. I was certainly under 2 year's old because my mum had my sister when I was 18 months old and she didn't want to change 2 children every day, that and also as a baby I had this unfortunate hobby of smearing the walls with the contents of my diapers so there was extra incentive for my parents to potty train me early ( you'll be glad to know that since becoming an AB I have NOT readopted that quirk)
By the time I was 6 I had three younger sisters and I was very much expected to be grown up and responsible for my younger sisters. In fairness I thrived in that environment. Mummys little helper. Such a big clever grown up girl. But it had its draw backs. I used to be punished a lot. Spanked for teeny tiny things I'd done wrong. Leather belt or bamboo cane or soup spoon. Being the eldest if my sister's got in trouble it was my fault for not stopping them so I would be ppunished.
I think I was around 7 when I started to want hugs and to be comforted like a baby. I think it was one night there was a massive hurricane (I lived in England in 1988 when this massive hurricane hit) and the lights had gone out and I was petrified at night so I had managed to get to my parents room and asked to sleep with them cause I was scared. They wouldn't let me and got really angry and made me go back to my own room. I remember trembling and being utterly terrified and the only way I managed to calm myself down was imagining being held close and safe by big strong arms and being hushed like a baby.
From that point on, I could only fall asleep if I imagined that scene.
Then when I was 8 I was sharing a bath with my sister Lisa who was 6 and after the bath she stood up and was like "mama mama lift me out" in a really babyish voice. Mum lifted her out and got her dry. I kinda felt jealous I guess. So I did the same. I got told off and to stop acting childish. I sulked but pushed my luck and wouldnt stop talking babyishly. So she lifted me out the bath then took me into the bedroom and proceeded to force me into Terry cloth nappies and plastic pants. I kicked and screamed and fought but I was only an 8 year old against a 27 year old. I didn't stand much chance. My younger sisters laughing the entire time. I felt humiliated and mortified and at the time I felt so ashamed. I was only kept in them for about 5-10 minutes I didn't use them or anything like that.
But I think that incident may have been the thing to really hammer home those AB tendencies.
From that point on really I wanted to be loved like an infant. The only time I really got praise was when I did well academically, my dad wasn't really around for the first 8 years of my life as he was in the first battalion of the parachute regiment in the army so he was always in places like northern Ireland fighting the ira or Norway or Kenya or Hong Kong so I guess my dad not being around much really did imprint a strong daddy's girl desire on me so I guess that's why I've always been drawn to older taller paternal sort of guys (one of which I married lol)
So throughout my teen years I was a bit goth a bit emo a bit punk. I stayed away from people I wouldn't let people hug me or touch me I showed no affection to anyone really cause I basically went to the opposite end of the spectrum worried that if I showed the slightest weakness then people would some how be able to tell that I wanted to be babied. So I just utterly denied all of that side of me existed. Other than last thing every night where I would imagine throse big strong arms rocking me to sleep.
***
That's where I'm going to stop for now. Since it's my AB early years. But I actually have tonnes more to write just don't want to bombard people with tmi. Maybe I'll continue this next Tuesday. If anyonehas any questions feel free to ask,
How did you get into the adult baby/ diaper lover/ babyfur/ adult diaperfur scene? I'm about to tell you my story but I'm keen to hear yours. Maybe we can compare notes.
Anyway... Everything below is true, it's not based on my fursona or fantasies. These things happened.
I can't remember being potty trained. I was certainly under 2 year's old because my mum had my sister when I was 18 months old and she didn't want to change 2 children every day, that and also as a baby I had this unfortunate hobby of smearing the walls with the contents of my diapers so there was extra incentive for my parents to potty train me early ( you'll be glad to know that since becoming an AB I have NOT readopted that quirk)
By the time I was 6 I had three younger sisters and I was very much expected to be grown up and responsible for my younger sisters. In fairness I thrived in that environment. Mummys little helper. Such a big clever grown up girl. But it had its draw backs. I used to be punished a lot. Spanked for teeny tiny things I'd done wrong. Leather belt or bamboo cane or soup spoon. Being the eldest if my sister's got in trouble it was my fault for not stopping them so I would be ppunished.
I think I was around 7 when I started to want hugs and to be comforted like a baby. I think it was one night there was a massive hurricane (I lived in England in 1988 when this massive hurricane hit) and the lights had gone out and I was petrified at night so I had managed to get to my parents room and asked to sleep with them cause I was scared. They wouldn't let me and got really angry and made me go back to my own room. I remember trembling and being utterly terrified and the only way I managed to calm myself down was imagining being held close and safe by big strong arms and being hushed like a baby.
From that point on, I could only fall asleep if I imagined that scene.
Then when I was 8 I was sharing a bath with my sister Lisa who was 6 and after the bath she stood up and was like "mama mama lift me out" in a really babyish voice. Mum lifted her out and got her dry. I kinda felt jealous I guess. So I did the same. I got told off and to stop acting childish. I sulked but pushed my luck and wouldnt stop talking babyishly. So she lifted me out the bath then took me into the bedroom and proceeded to force me into Terry cloth nappies and plastic pants. I kicked and screamed and fought but I was only an 8 year old against a 27 year old. I didn't stand much chance. My younger sisters laughing the entire time. I felt humiliated and mortified and at the time I felt so ashamed. I was only kept in them for about 5-10 minutes I didn't use them or anything like that.
But I think that incident may have been the thing to really hammer home those AB tendencies.
From that point on really I wanted to be loved like an infant. The only time I really got praise was when I did well academically, my dad wasn't really around for the first 8 years of my life as he was in the first battalion of the parachute regiment in the army so he was always in places like northern Ireland fighting the ira or Norway or Kenya or Hong Kong so I guess my dad not being around much really did imprint a strong daddy's girl desire on me so I guess that's why I've always been drawn to older taller paternal sort of guys (one of which I married lol)
So throughout my teen years I was a bit goth a bit emo a bit punk. I stayed away from people I wouldn't let people hug me or touch me I showed no affection to anyone really cause I basically went to the opposite end of the spectrum worried that if I showed the slightest weakness then people would some how be able to tell that I wanted to be babied. So I just utterly denied all of that side of me existed. Other than last thing every night where I would imagine throse big strong arms rocking me to sleep.
***
That's where I'm going to stop for now. Since it's my AB early years. But I actually have tonnes more to write just don't want to bombard people with tmi. Maybe I'll continue this next Tuesday. If anyonehas any questions feel free to ask,
Well I want you to know that I've always seen little Raptor as older that Gem even if it is not by much.
Sorry to hijack this comment thread as I wanted to repluy to this specifically. I hope I haven't caused you any panic attacks.
It is more fun to learn from bigger kids like Lacey or Zee-Zee. I am curious now, when you rp as Gem is she able to walk yet? I usually rp lil Raptor as being able to stand on his own but can only walk a few steps and it has to be assisted. Although I did start walking rather late in real life. I'm always kinda dizzy *giggles*
but I can tell you why I am a fat-fur -- my earliest romantic partners were big, soft and round,
and the preference has never left me, even though those early times were in my mid-teens, and I'm way way older now.
it's not really a main thing with me, but I certainly have -no- problem with any aspect of it.
Also my farther was also a Para hehe
As for my story? Well it's quite a simple one..All the way through childhood I had a great interest in transformation and such, and with my birthday I got a cheap old PC to call my own hehe and so the wide web was now available to me..Crawling through the internet for transformation related things I came across the TSA the transformation story archive. And through that i discovered the furry fandom, and the forum Furtopia especially.
Through this I met some wonderful people who I still talk to today, and discovered my own fursona as well as certain things and liking, and as time got on and I discovered more and more into the fandom, sometime around 2007 I became fascinated by things like ABDL, and with the gentle coaxing and helpful hand of some friends of mine, eventually got into really liking it hehe..
Now I can't think of being anything else but a diaper lion kitty X3
Well, I'll share my experience:
I was about... Eight, maybe nine at the time. My dad was good friends with another family and we very often went over there too see them, dad would drink with the father of their family and I would usually just play games with their two children (A son who was a few years younger than me and a daughter who was just a few months behind me in age). I generally spent more time with the son, but the daughter was no doubt really nice and friendly either way. The daughter was a nightly bed wetter, she always wore the standard Australian Huggies brand Pull-Ups every night. I don't know why, just in my head I felt kinda swayed too try them. The brother, who was fairly easy too convince of things at his age, went along with the playful idea that we would just take one or two of them while everyone was asleep, and we did. After a fairly over the top attempt at quietly sneaking around, we got the diapers, tried 'em on back in the room and slept through the night in them.
We got caught the next morning by our parents, nothing bad happened or anything, but since that night; I guess that was when you could say my interest in diapers started.
Honestly I have no idea how I've ended up with the preferences I have. It's kinda both infuriating and yet strangely fascinating at the same time
It was certainly hurricane-FORCE.
I think my first experience with personally WANTING to wear diapers was when I was about 5. My family attempted to adopt two children younger than I, and one of them was a 3 year old still in diapers. I remember one day getting hit with a sudden overwhelming sense of curiosity to try one on while i was in the bathroom where they were kept. I didn't tape it closed, just stared in the mirror somewhat intrigued by how much younger i suddenly looked. Just kind of grew and developed from there. Found the furry community separately, and was overjoyed to discover babyfurs.
My father used to threaten my sister's and me when we used to fight with each other that if we continued to act like babies he would find nappies big enough and treat us like babies. I always always wanted to push that further to see if he would follow through with his threat but my own pride and the need to make my father proud of me wouldn't allow me to push my luck.
I once got stuck in a babyswing at a plaupark when I was about 15 lol almost had to call the firebrigade to come cut me out but luckily I got out on my own
I'm not even sure if I am an AB or count as one, I also don't know how it happened because I've started to explore it recently. So not much to tell.
As for me. Nothing realy to tell. My child hood is a blur. Don't really remember much. Don't know when I was potty trained either. All I know is that when I was growing up everything sucked. Little to no friends, constantly bullied, etc. Well I fell into a mind set from my child hood. Of sorts. I remembered being diapered and not caring. Well that stayed with me, I used to hang out with some friends later in life. He had/has bee\d wetting issues. and hearing the crinkle and actualy being able to smell them, Idk I just, I liked it. Then I found out about furrys. then babyfurs. And now my Mom knows that im a AB/DL and dosen't care. So yeah. Nothing special, sorry.
Personally, I'm still trying to find out the reason I was drawn here. I think my dad being basically bipolar was a big push though. When I was really young, he would try and hide his moods, but the older and older I got, the more and more I saw of his bad side. I think that left me with a yearning to be little again, back to a time where there wasn't any screaming, slamming, or throwing.
The diapers... I have no idea where that even came from. I remember occasionally pretending I was wearing them as a kid, pretending to use them as well. Eventually, when I started exploring the internet from sexual curiosity, I saw something with a diaper in it. That one thing that I randomly found is what made me start looking more into it, eventually finding FA, then taking forever to feel comfortable joining >.>
Some time later I asked to put one on him and I just really found myself enjoying the feel of the diaper in my hands as I put it on him. And I could see that he was enjoying getting changed
One day while he was at work, I decided to plunder the closet, found a diaper and put one on. I was going to surprise him with it when he came home and boy was he surprised! I've kinda been addicted to it ever since putting that first diaper on back when. The AB stuff came later. I enjoyed sucking on pacifiers and such without being an adult baby, but eventually I even tried that out and found it to be fun. Though I am mostly a diaper lover, I can sometimes baby out like a boss
I think I had some kind of vague fascination from a very early age, but it didn't really develop until my mother was running a Montessori daycare out of our house. And so, for some years during my youth, around the ages of perhaps seven or so to about twelve, much of her time was consumed by other children. Strangers, to me. I felt ignored. It was a jealousy thing, more or less. All the attention I'd had as the younger of two siblings dwindled and disappeared, as eight hours plus of every day my mother's attention was consumed by a gaggle of toddlers and infants, most of which were in diapers. Over time I grew envious, and began to relate the diapers and baby stuff to the attention they were getting that I wasn't. My fledgling interest in diapers grew from there alongside my feeling of being neglected. My mind decided to relate the attention that I craved to the trappings of toddlerhood possessed by those who I felt were getting attention instead of me. So it became that the more I could feel toddler-ish the more content I would feel. Then it just blossomed further over time. The rest of my kinks and interests, I have no clue where I picked up, but I'm pretty certain that's when my AB-ness stemmed from.
First of, I'm not sure if I'm an AB I might be, but thats even harder to explain.
I don't remember my childhood as anything but happy I've never felt let down by any of my parents, not even after the got devoiced (when I was a teenager) furthermore, growing up as far as I remember I've never had the urge for diapers and baby stuff.
I'm asymmetric developed (I have no idea if it's called that in English, I've only ever herd it in Danish) to put it really simple that means that my intelligence have always been a few years ahead of my age group while social and personal development have been a few years behind. I've never considered that a bad thing though, I was capable of figuring complicated things out while having the childishness to play around with it maybe because of this I've never been in a hurry to grow up. I actually started to fear it. I've never liked the idea of being an adult simply out of fear of loosing what I had. The years passed anyway weather I liked it or not, and I'm now good into my twenties, Things aren't as bad as I feared, but I still fear growing up (that sound really weird for an adult to say) and I hate adult life (I've often jokingly stated that my biggest mistake was turning 18)
My first encounter with AB/DL was when I joined FA and simply browsed through all the categories to see what they were about (I've always been curious) back then I just thought it was weird and thought nothing further off it. Then about two years ago I herd a dramatic reading of the mlp fanfic Pattycakes, and to my great surprise I liked it. Now, as I said I'm a curious one so I started researching and it turned out that ageplay does fit nicely with my other fetishes, so I simply added it to my list of things to look for. Then I ran into two other fanfics (I spend waaay to much time on fimfiction) that quite well explained the non kinky side of it, and more to the point, I could identify way to well with the main character of one of them.
I then took a deep breath and looked at myself. Thats when I realized exactly how much of a child I still am. Just to name a few things, without thinking about it I start sucking on whatever is closest to my mouth when I need to concentrate, I own way to many plushies for a man my age (and sleep with some of them) and I don't really care that much about money but do stuff just for the praise. So I came to the conclusion that in a lot of ways I never actually grew up.
So that leaves one very confused me. I can't really say what age I consider myself nor what age I want to be as my brain seems to be a mixture of all ages I have had at once. Concerning AB, after this realization I thought that since I keep sucking on my cloths when my focus is elsewhere I might as well get a pacifier, so I got one (and I love it) but other than that I just look at pictures here on FA and reeds fics.
I think that's about it. And I actually think that that's the first time I've tried to explain myself.
I too had a similar story where I annoyed my mom for a diaper. Not sure how old I was, but my little sister was around so 7-8 probably. Got what I wanted for like 15 min. Turns out mom's get really irritated when you try to revert back to a baby. She wasn't have'n it.
Then I got caught trying to put on one of my sister's diapers (not used of course, this isn't one of those stories). My mom came through the door and even as a kid I tried to hold the door shut. I was ready to fight. I'm pretty secretive about my shameful diaper tendencies, but I guess my mom caught me 20 years ago, so the cat's out of the bag and I didn't even remember.
In conclusion, if I'm ever questioned about my habits, I'll just blame it on my mom.
Anyway, here's my story:
It has nothing to do with poor parenting at all. You see, I have autism, but am attending college to become a Mechanical Engineer.
My autism caused a lot of problems for me when I was younger. I had a very hard time socializing and communicating with others. I would always run away from strangers because it was literally like torture. Most of the service providers and the psychologists at the time misunderstood how to deal with autism because they held to the belief that if an autistic person could be passed on as neurotypical, all their problems would be solved. The therapy they were implementing on me was very harsh on me because they told me that I had to sit perfectly still, never stim, use eye contact, etc.
I believe that this could have caused trauma severe enough to want to experience childhood again. I'm still trying to deal with the pain, but that's because I don't know anyone personally who has these same problems. I only decide to perform in age play activities when I get really stressed out. I have recently found that there is no "off" switch, much to my dismay because it means that it could hit at any second. I am tired of having to hide this from people. I just wish I could express myself and hang out with people who are understanding like you.
Probably if I'd had a chance to wear diapers off and on as a kid I might've cared less about them, but instead it was a drive that kept building up over time, to the point where once I snuck out to the garage storage, hunted through old boxes, found a tiny disposable diaper that must've been left over from my brother's training, and snuck it back to my room to "put on" when the tapes wouldn't even come close to fitting. When I finally did get diapers for real in college, the amount of awesome I felt sealed my fate as a babyfur. =^_^=
And because I never got anything physical for it until college, I somehow wound up never getting discovered by my parents until I was old enough to be financially secure on my own, and all they could do is rant on the phone at me about these weird pictures they found on the Internet. Lesson to be learned by all parents: If your kids are over 18, do NOT Google Image Search for them unless they say it's okay to do so. XD
I don't remember anything before I was about 7, I have language development problems and language = memory to an extent.
So I don't have a bunch of really good memories about being proper ickle, i guess that might sound odd to people that do; to those that can remember being in high chairs even, being on a booster seat, all those really babyish things that for me, none of that is there.
I didn't have many friends, the longest anyone could tolerate me apartently was about 4 months at a time, I got really invested in computers at an early age about 9 years old I already had my first computer, a 48k ZX spectrum and spent a long time learning how to use it, how to get it to work.
My folks were okay, not terrible at least, but not really good, mostly busy looking after my younger brother and I helped out as much as I could, was nice to feel wanted.
Growing up i was really badly beaten up a few times, at least weekly but it was more usual to have regular psychological bullying at least three maybe four times a day, there was even a straight up murder attempt once.
Yeah...
It was winter, there was a good deal of snow maybe a foot in places and I was walking home from school, it was only 4pm but with the snow there wasn't that many people walking. On the way home there was a play area, it had a tetanus slide, some really dangerous iron climbing bars and on this dull evening (it get's dark pretty quick around here in Winter) one dick.
I never found out who this guy was, or what his problem was but as I was walking past I knew he was going to be trouble. I braced myself for a punch or a kick but instead he pushes me over, I'm like oooh that actually kinda hurt guy's pretty strong. In the following little struggle he manages to get me onto my front and holds me face down in the snow, I'm trying to struggle but he's bigger, stronger than me and doesn't let up.
I start to black out at which point he runs off leaving me panting frantically.
I spend a few minutes recovering there in the snow realising just how close i'd been to some total dick killing me.
When I got home my folks were pretty anxious, police got involved but i didn't know the guy, i wasn't able to really give a good description so nothing ever came of it.
I'm more than used to be ignored, to being thought of as weird and as a freak.
It was my life every day.
I don't go there in my mind too often but that day is still a part of me.
I was only 11.
Soon I found out, the world could be more awesome then my so far terrible experience of it.
It was early but there was a new thing starting, wired communication, modems that let you talked to other people with modems, bulletin board systems.
Suddenly I wasn't an isolated lonely geek anymore, i could reach out and find people that were likewise, weird.
The first group I found was furry, I clicked with that right away.
It was rough still, I found fitting in hard, i didn't have much social experience, I didn't know how to interact with people really, more so in this new online enviroment.
So it took me a while, I started off as a dog, but i didn't have any fun, nobody really wanted to talk so after four years of struggling a lot I decided to make Fionacat, that changed a lot for me; i realised how strong I could be, how much I could help others have fun.
Before (and even the first year) of Fionacat was rough but I enjoyed it a lot, I started looking for more ways to enjoy this and found out about AB it was kinda silly at first I didn't really engage with it at all but a lot of the stories I read featured the loving caring aspect I've missed, i had no memories of (my little brother is only 3 years younger than me so i can't even remember him being a baby either...) and was drawn to it some.
You can read a slightly fictionalised version of my first diaper experience http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13129431/
It didn't go super well, I was hoping to replicate a lot of the humilation, the embarassment in that story, none of that happened.
I did however go on to corrupt quite a large number of people into crinkles (or at least get them more intrested than they were), i'm up to I think almost 80 now ^^
Ultimately, I don't think of myself that often as either an adult baby or a diaper love.
For DL; I don't really like diapers that much, they don't do anything for me, some people look really cute in them sure but me... nah not so much; my characters Fionacat didn't really suit them all the much but Fiona the puppy really does a lot.
For AB; I struggle to get that baby side into a place where it can be comfy, i'd much rather help other people get that happy little feeling than another battle with myself to let go.
I've written extensively in journals of this struggle, how hard it can be most days not really knowing what it is I want or even how to relate to it.
But having amazing people like
I guess I'm the same way...... My childhood was rough for various different reasons and I just wanted everyone to love me for the way I was..... And I never felt it until I met my fiancé.......
*hugs*
*big hugs*
For me I was potty trained when I was 3 and 1/2 by my uncle. When I was six I started dreaming what diapers felt like, bout this time I had found out that I had a 2 yr old half brother that wore diapers and when I would go visit sadly I started stealing some of his huggies diapers and putting them on. I did this till he got potty trained and than I would start stealing diapers from gas stations or neighbors near my home I am not proud of this and did it till I became a teenager.
Once I became a teenager I was able to get a job and started buying my own diapers but sadly wasn't able to wear them until I started buying adult diapers and wearing them. As for the A/B since my farther divorced my mom when I was 3 so for most of my life I didn't have a father figure only my mother and I saw my dad for a week or two.
Anything else wanna know feel free to ask
I think I am more teh opposite. I am the youngest of two siblings, or as they used to say (and still say), I'm the baby of the family. So I always got the kid treatment. I resented it in the beginning, but I noticed when they started treating me more grownup-ish (stuff like dad not reading me bedtime story anymore, mom not calling me her lil boy, my brother starting to expect me to figure out stuff myself, like not building lego stuff for me anymore, or helping me transform my transformers, or my sister starting to get agitated whenever I acted childish) I really started to miss it. At the same time I always had sumtin of a oral fixation. I would suck my thumb when I was deep in thought or if I was stressed, and whenever I saw pacifiers my head was just screaming "I WANT DAT!!!". Then at school, some girls were going to a baby party and I was so jealous. I talked with one of them who I was friend with and she gave me one of her spare pacifiers and once I nommed it I loved it and just wanted more. So eventually my paci collection grew fast, maybe to fast, cus my mom found them and questioned me about them. And, well.. tehee, imma stop boring u with mah life story, but that was about when it all started for me really =3
That's to answer the question at the top now to read the rest I'll comment again afteri do
I see no reason we can't have a good mix of both
For most of my life, I thought that my life was relatively normal. As I got older, and as I think about it now, I realize that that isn't the case. Part of the reason behind that though, is that my family constantly moved around. It seemed like every two years or so (sometimes even less than that), we'd be moving to a new place. Sometimes it was within the same city, other times we'd move to a different city and wind up moving back, but, regardless, my brother and I got moved around a lot. My parents divorced when I was pretty young, too young to even remember them being together, honestly. My whole life has been a lot of going back and forth, living with my mom and visiting my dad, until I eventually decided to stay with my dad. I'll get to that later though. When I was pretty young, my mom married my brother's dad, and of course had my brother. For a long time, he was more my dad than my actual dad was, but really, he didn't actually give a shit about me. He barely cares about my brother now, which I hate so much, because my brother deserves better than that. When I was about 8 or so, they split up, and I felt abandoned by him. I gradually became closer with my dad, having realized that he would really be the only dad I'd have that would truly care about me. My mom promised us that we'd be on our own for a while, that she wouldn't be with anyone else for a while. She lied. She ended up with someone I consider to be one of the biggest assholes on the planet. And we got dragged along to a new city. We were there for a year before we moved in with him. In the years that we were there, both my brother and myself were mentally, and sometimes physically abused by that horrible man. A man who claimed to love us, but who we were terrified of.
I had to grow up pretty quickly during those years... Taking care of my brother, even though he was a huge pain. My brother became abusive too, but, his abuse towards me was mental, as well as sexual. To this day I hate myself for letting him take advantage of me like that. I was terrified, and I didn't know what else to do. I hid in my room a lot, wishing I had more friends so that I could get out of that awful house. I appreciated that I could calm down every other weekend, and spend some time with my dad. My mom has told me that she's aware that I had to grow up too quickly. I was robbed of my childhood. From the moment I moved to that other city when I was in grade 5, I had to be grown up. I had to get my brother and myself to school on time, I had to get my brother to the daycare after school because I wasn't old enough to babysit him at the time, and I'd have to get myself home as well, and sit in the house by myself until my mom got home. On top of that, I was protecting my brother from bullies at school, even though I was picked on myself during that year. After that, the routine was the same, except that I didn't have to drop my brother off at a daycare, I was allowed to take care of him myself. But I didn't want to... I wanted to be able to have friends, and to be able to go out, but, I ended up curling in on myself, getting depressed. Even after my mom left the abusive asshole she'd been with... I still had to keep strong, and take care of my brother... I cracked eventually and moved to my dad's house.
For me, being an AB/DL is about getting back the childhood I didn't truly get to have. To allow myself some sanity when I've been so hurt over the years. Being a babyfur in general, and getting to have a family, and actually feel like I'm loved for once... That's a huge thing for me. My mom left me to fend for myself a lot of the time. The only time she seemed to care, was when my grades were slipping. Instead of helping me with my depression though, so that I could get myself back on my feet... She'd yell at me, take my stuff away so that I'd have no contact with the friends I had made online. She chipped away at my mental state. She's a huge reason why I chose to live with my dad. Her and the other reasons I've stated above. For a long time, I've wanted a mother who actually would give a shit about my mental well being. It hurt so damn much, knowing that she had struggled with depression herself before, but didn't seem to give a shit about mine.
I became a furry a long time before I became a babyfur. Seeing that other people I was friends with that were babyfurs kinda spurred me in the right direction. I've found a great group of people who have become my family, and I feel so much better knowing that they're there for me. And my boyfriend accepts this side of me, though he isn't one himself. I have yet to try wearing diapers, though I do intend to do so, I'm hoping that they'll bring me even that tiniest bit closer to feeling better in the long run.
So, there's my story. Oddly enough, I don't mind having this all public (despite some of the content of it). I'm fine with having my story heard, and in a place where others can read it if they so wish. C=
I feel sorry for all those who had troubled childhoods. I'm afraid I can't really relate, I grew up in a stable middle class world with my parents and younger brother. Apart from a few spankings when I was younger, I wasn't ever beaten as a kid. I was generally happy and well behaved, I did fight with my younger brother on occasion but that was it. I wasn't even bullied until high school (things didn't go well for me there, I was glad to leave after 5 years, and things got much better after that).
It was basically an over-abundance of caution on the part of the babysitter. Back then, I would go over to a friend's house, and his mother would watch upwards of 10-12 kids from the neighborhood. Well, during one particular week, some of the kids were having various accidents in relation to potty training. So, to make things easier for her, all the younger kids were put in diapers, even if they didn't really need them. So that meant me. *blushes* ^^
And that relates heavily to one of the main "concepts" of my characters. None of them are actually "babies" age wise, they're all teenagers or in their 20's, yet they're still in diapers. Basically, they're "too old" to be in diapers, and some don't need them at all, yet they're still in diapers. And that leads into a second element, the idea of being "too old". I'm an only child, but I was perpeptually told was was "too old" for a lot of things. Sometimes, I wonder how I had much of a childhood at all. It seemed no matter what, I was just "too old" to do this, that and the other.
For the longest time, diapers were the main and almost only "focus" with me, though other baby elements came forth over time as well. Diapers are still the "primary element", though not the "sole" element.
I can't say all that happened, but for some reason, my father always had it in for me growing up. He was always especially critical and harsh on me. I'm glad we're much better now that I'm an adult and we've put the past behind us.
I can only imagine the fear you must have felt. It was around this time my parents split in my life. Rather than wanting to be comforted, I wanted to shut everyone and everything out. Things only went downhill after that (like with most divorces).
I remember this story well...
My father had custody over us during the first few years of the divorce, so I quickly became a mama's boy when I learned she had such a soft spot for me. I could run and cry to her about anything and she'd be on my side... I feel really guilt about it now.
My high school years quickly spiraled out of control. I clashed with both of my parents (especially after my mother divorced again), and I kept trying to fill my time with music, anime, manga and movies. Eventually, I tried my hand at writing and found my true love in art and storytelling. Now that I think about it, I've really come a long way.
Thanks for sharing a bit of your life, and here's a bit of mine to share back.
Figer
I got in trouble a lot being the oldest. Whenever my brothers and I got in an argument I would get in trouble because "you're older and should know better" as what they would always say. My parents were young (17 & 19) when they had me so they didn't really know how to handle me when I'd do something wrong. I guess from things that they did it would be considered abuse. I was 10 when my mom had my youngest brother and my parents were older and more understanding. I used to watch how they were so loving to him but still so mean to me. They only spanked him once and he has never been made to do chores. I longed for that and wanted to be a baby. He had a bunch of binkies that he didn't use and I asked for the purple butterfly one to use for my baby dolls only I really wanted it for me. I would sleep with it in my mouth every night. I remember one time asking if I could go play outside but I accidentally used a baby voice and didn't mean to. My mom told me to quit talking like a baby. Also I am a bit incontinent so I would leak urine a lot. My parents would never understand. I tried to tell my mom once but she just laughed at me.
The older I got I longed for affection. I also had a thing for caring paternal like males. I used to have a crush on one of my highschool teachers. When I was 24 I fell in love with a married man who was 41 because he gave me affection and was like a dad to me.
Anyways, this is turning into a novel!
It's interesting to read everyone's stories :)
i remember spending between 9 and 18 depressed. i felt lost, like i didn't know what i needed. unable to feel loved, i sunk myself into the internet. One day i joined a site with bdsm forum, when people listed fetishes someone mentioned diapers. i guess society's conditioning kicked in then because i remember saying "eww that sounds gross." but i didn't know i'd eat those words later. in fact the person i said them to seemed to have set out to prove me wrong. he noted me and we role played, in the role play he babied me, he did everything from diaper me and dress me up to call me things like "little girl" and "princess" and i called him daddy. I felt so happy, like a natural high when he treated me this way, so we ended up doing it a lot.
Of course i've moved on now so that particular online daddy of mine isn't in my life anymore, but there's always gonna be the fact he helped shaped me.There's more but like i don't want to bore you with 50 billion paragraphs on why i'm an AB/DL.
My cousin who was not even a whole month older than me would come over sometimes. Even though i was technically younger than him, I would act older and was always a step ahead maturity wise. Adults liked me as i was quiet and would do what i was told, so i would always try to be more grown up. I kind of looked down at him at the time as i saw him as too childish.
He also struggled with bladder and bowel issues, so he was in diapers much if the time and even today at the age of 16 he still wrestles with bladder issues. I saw his problems as childish and that he was just lazy as that's what his mom would say about them. For some reason though seeing him kind of made me want to be back in diapers. I didn't want to be caught taking one of his though as i knew that would get me punished. So I just suppressed the feelings for years.
Fast forward through my lonely socially awkward elementary and middle school years to my freshman year of highschool. My parents got a divorce, we had to file bankruptcy and foreclose our house. It was a rough financial time, so my mom was working even more. My social awkwardness lead to not having many friends. I dived into the internet to look for friends and found other ABs. It was nice to have support and to know i wasn't alone. Soon I started buying stuff secretly and building a stash. Then I noticed the furry community and it seemed interesting, so i just kind of joined it.
My mom found some diapers in my room one day, and I wrote a letter about it. I came back home from school and she tells at me saying its a phase and all that, so then I decided it wasn't going to get much worse so i came out to her as well. then came the church rant same tone. I just lol'd