FA+
Shop
Faking it
6 years ago
Hey another week has gone by....I'm 2 mins 30 into my animation so halfway there. I swear thank you so much for being patient as I plough through this. Its a bit of a slog but i really need to get it done. That's why you havent seen much of me. I'll hopefully be posting some new art i've been working on too. The hours just seem to be sifting trhough my fingers like sand really.
I'm conscious that I haven't been posting much as I go through this period, I've barely had chance to be online. Ive managed a bit of twitter during train journeys and travelling and when i take short breaks but mostly it's just been me working solidly and I really do mean solidly because if I don't I wont get it all done. It'll be a few more weeks yet but by this time next month It pretty much needs to be done so that'll be that and life will be calmer...probably...maybe....actually I've said this before HAHA.
I was talking to a friend this morning about how they were feeling and coupled with a few responses I had on a twitter question yesterday I wanted to come clean with you about something.
I'm a faker. People seem to think I have my life together. Like I know what i'm doing or where I'm going, but I really don't. I feel anxious a lot. I don't mean just a niggly little thing in the back of your head. I mean full on queasy/sick feeling....like all the time.
I'm shy. Some people don't see this because I have two modes when I'm shy. I either sit on the fringes listening, trying to contribute to a conversation but by the time ive worked up the courage to interject the conversation has moved on to a different topic. Or im the person who talks LOTS because i'm overcompensating for the feeling shy and then I just make a fool of myself and I lay awake at night going over all the stupid shit I've said...That stuff doesnt go away either...it'll pop up like years down the line "oh Star, remeber that time you tried to talk to suchnsuch and you made an arse of yourself because you got tonguetied...just thought I wanted to remind you a decade later"
I worry...incessantly....about everything. The obigations I have, the promises I've made, the thing's I havent done, the things I HAVE done. I worry about whether im worrying about teh right things or whether I should be worrying more, or whether i've worried the right amount about something.
Thing is. Im very good at faking being a together sort of person I guess. A lot of us are faking stuff in order to actually just function in this world. Truthfully I'm not even sure if theres ever been anyone out there who truley knows who they are and what they want throughout their entire life.
We have phases where we think we might have a plan or know what we want or who we are, then something comes along to shake the snowglobe of our life and everything's a mess again and you barely know what way up you are.
The point i'm trying to make is...
Please don't think you're the only one who hasn't worked life out. You're struggling, most of us are struggling, and maybe if people talked more about this sort of stuff, folk would realise that actually what they're feeling is fairly normal in the great scheme of things. You don't have to suffer feeling like this by yourself and if you reach out and talk about stuff, you'll realise that actually theres a lot more folk out there feeling exactly the same way, it's okay to feel weak, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed or lost or scared or any of these things, but please...talk about them.
I'm conscious that I haven't been posting much as I go through this period, I've barely had chance to be online. Ive managed a bit of twitter during train journeys and travelling and when i take short breaks but mostly it's just been me working solidly and I really do mean solidly because if I don't I wont get it all done. It'll be a few more weeks yet but by this time next month It pretty much needs to be done so that'll be that and life will be calmer...probably...maybe....actually I've said this before HAHA.
I was talking to a friend this morning about how they were feeling and coupled with a few responses I had on a twitter question yesterday I wanted to come clean with you about something.
I'm a faker. People seem to think I have my life together. Like I know what i'm doing or where I'm going, but I really don't. I feel anxious a lot. I don't mean just a niggly little thing in the back of your head. I mean full on queasy/sick feeling....like all the time.
I'm shy. Some people don't see this because I have two modes when I'm shy. I either sit on the fringes listening, trying to contribute to a conversation but by the time ive worked up the courage to interject the conversation has moved on to a different topic. Or im the person who talks LOTS because i'm overcompensating for the feeling shy and then I just make a fool of myself and I lay awake at night going over all the stupid shit I've said...That stuff doesnt go away either...it'll pop up like years down the line "oh Star, remeber that time you tried to talk to suchnsuch and you made an arse of yourself because you got tonguetied...just thought I wanted to remind you a decade later"
I worry...incessantly....about everything. The obigations I have, the promises I've made, the thing's I havent done, the things I HAVE done. I worry about whether im worrying about teh right things or whether I should be worrying more, or whether i've worried the right amount about something.
Thing is. Im very good at faking being a together sort of person I guess. A lot of us are faking stuff in order to actually just function in this world. Truthfully I'm not even sure if theres ever been anyone out there who truley knows who they are and what they want throughout their entire life.
We have phases where we think we might have a plan or know what we want or who we are, then something comes along to shake the snowglobe of our life and everything's a mess again and you barely know what way up you are.
The point i'm trying to make is...
Please don't think you're the only one who hasn't worked life out. You're struggling, most of us are struggling, and maybe if people talked more about this sort of stuff, folk would realise that actually what they're feeling is fairly normal in the great scheme of things. You don't have to suffer feeling like this by yourself and if you reach out and talk about stuff, you'll realise that actually theres a lot more folk out there feeling exactly the same way, it's okay to feel weak, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed or lost or scared or any of these things, but please...talk about them.
Just not everyone shows it in media or public, and thats perfectly fine XD
Of course, I hope all is well any day :)
I mean, it basically means you're just like everyone else, so you're totally genuine because of that. ;3
*hugs tight* good to see you back even for a minute
People tend to compare what they can see, and often forget that there is a lot that they don't see.
The way you handle it is a lot like I do. I basically fake it. What is that saying? Fake it till you make it? XD
It's actually rare that anyone has it all together. It just only comes off that way. Everyone has their own struggles even if it's not entirely apparent.
I will say this though, I can also understand why some people might be skeptical. To give an example a poor person without a home hearing someone else talk about how bad their life is when they have a home and enough money to have food on the table, can be a hard pill to swallow. It doesn't mean that person doesn't have problems, but those problems can just seem minuscule in comparison.
I think in terms of this community and among other artists, you are doing extremely well for yourself ... and so it just looks as if you have it together from their perspective. While many artists in this community may be struggling in just getting commissions, let alone having any sort of following or income on patreon.
It's not good to compare but sadly we are human and it's kind of what humans tend to do. We often even overlook how much work it may have taken for someone to get to the point they are at. But at the same time, we may even overlook the amount of work some people put in and don't get anywhere. Sometimes it just doesn't work out for them as it may have for someone else.
Life can be complicated, to say the least, lol.
- Philemon, Persona 1 (PSP ver.)
Big hugs.
Nope, you're about as real as they come, sweetheart. You're real in all aspects of your life. You're a hard worker, intelligent talented young lady, and a lot of us are envious of what all you can do. That doesn't mean that we are any less for not being like you, were different in other ways.
We all have insecurities, mine come out as 'reflexive shudders' when I think about the really stupid things I've said and done. But, we all do that, it's a part of human nature.
That brings me back to you, you are a human being, not perfect, frail, and prone to errors, self doubt, anxiety, and all of that. That's part and parcel of the package.
So, you aren't a fake, you're human, just like the rest of us.
Hugs!!