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About a guy I used to know / Old Drama
4 years ago
I know the only ones who will find this particular journal post are ones who actually care enough to read it, but I am ready to be my most honest about a lot of the things that happened while a certain ex-roommate, ex-pet, ex lover of mine stayed here. This is a guy who used to be pretty notorious in the community, but I am a kind a trusting soul and thought he was a good person, like he kept saying he was. Sometimes he would be, he would be obscenely generous to a worrying degree.
I want to start off with saying, he was an emotionaly and mentally abusive asshole for most of his stay here. He won’t acknowledge this, because he thinks its okay to treat people like shit if he feels displeased with them. Hes the kind of guy who thought it was “cute” that I had * no one * in my block list, because I am a generally friendly person who would rather talk things out then block/ban someone and move on. (Compared to his nearly 900 people in his blocked list)
I admit, I didn’t know, how to handle his hatred, and he had so, so much while he was here. I tried to understand, I tried to be tolerant, as he would do random and strange things like tape the light switches down or throw things around randomly.
He painted himself as the victim, because that is what he is used to doing, from what I have seen of him and his behavior. I saw him do this multiple times over the time I have known him. (and to be fair, most of this is his own doing IMO) I should have known better, then to interact with him, just based off all the stories I used to hear about him circulating in the furry gossip mills, back before Covid became such a thing. It was always a surprise to me when people reminded me of how unaccepted this guy is to so, so many places here in my home city. He was blackballed from his own professional community, for being such a negative-nancy all the time to almost everyone and anyone he met. He had such a negative reputation surrounding him, that inviting him to the partys I used to host was difficult. (Theres a lot of people who wouldn’t be at the same party as this guy)
I had known him since the days he tried to join one of my admin teams a long time ago, and had been keeping an eye on him off and on during the following years. I heard some interesting accusations against him, of dropping ****s in peoples *****s at the ***** o r
He called me a psychopath, a narcissist, he told me he hated everything about me basically, for months while he was here. and I put up with it, soaking up his abuse like a sponge and trying my best to be whatever it was he was wanting me to be. In the end, I broke. I couldn’t do the things he wanted. I couldn’t focus on anything but myself, my own needs, my own mind. To do otherwise was to look into the screeching void that had become my life. Over time, he had turned my house, into a prison. I am sorry to him, that I could’nt make it work. I am sorry that in the end, i broke and couldn’t function anymore, and I became so, so obsessed with him while he was here. I hope he understands, that I *never* wanted it to end that way. But he broke me. He broke me, so, so throughly while he was here. Especially in the end, when he took so much of my world away from me. When my husband almost died, because of the stress of our combined dramas.
He tried to warn me, in the beginning. That he made a bad roommate. That he had his own bad experiences from living with people and he knew he needed to live on his own to be his happiest. I tried to warn him too, that I was a bad housemate as well. But he was being kicked out of his place of 8 years, where he hadn’t paid his rent for most of that time there. I remember trying to help him figure out a solution to that when he was getting kicked at. At my heart, I am not a bad person. I generally wish for the success of those around me and if theres some way I can help, I ussually like to do it, weather it
Small Confession: I will admit, a large part of the blame did fall on me. On my inability to handle things. On my inability to understand what he tried to teach me at the time, and taking so so long to get there, and by the time I had reached it, he was gone, and had no interest in me or the person I became because of his help. I do not think he will understand how he helped me become the person I became, or why I took the actions I did, or why I did end up being grateful to him in the end in some ways. I am sorry, that I tried to keep our friendship going, long past the point he made it so clear to me he had no interest, no inkling, no iota of caring in his soul for me any longer. that was a hard part for me to lose back then. But in the end, I have finally acknowledged what a toxic person he had been while he had been here. He was a person, full of hate for a lot of things, in most of his life. He is not a bad person at heart but he is an asshole, who hates when he doesn’t get his way and is more focused on his feelings about feeling *right* about things rather then actually resolving the issues.
It can be very hard, to be hated by someone you used to care so much for, but it ended up being your own fault for how things ended up. It was why I took so long after he left to start feeling like i can show my head in public again. I don't know entirely what damage he may have done to me, or my reputation. A part of me realizes now, that you need to focus on the people around you, and not what a imaginary (yet also disturbingly real) crowd of people think or feel about you, a person they have only occasionally met. I know I am more then the sum of the people who ended up blocking me, bacause of him. I also go forward, generally knowing that I am a more well developed and well rounded person because of the lessons he did try to teach me. But I need to stop pinning those hard fought achievements on the ghost of a man, who doesnt care, barely ever did and never will. about me again. I hope someday, he realizes the actions I did take, because of him, were to try and rebuild things, for so long, that I *did* become a better person.
Times I’ve seen him play the victim:
When his former housemate came over to grab the instant pot so he could make dinner, he felt the housemate was doing it intentionally to mess with him because he had company. (I think the housemate just wanted to cook dinner and Dono was being probably unfair to him. )
He later accused the same housemate of stabbing his tires and trying to murder him (was it his housemate? I don’t honestly know, I remember the facial expression of shock on the guys face and the guy called the police to report him . I was honestly 50/50% on weather he was right or he was accusing his housemate of murder out of the blue)
He always seemed to feel victimized, by the most random things.
I want to start off with saying, he was an emotionaly and mentally abusive asshole for most of his stay here. He won’t acknowledge this, because he thinks its okay to treat people like shit if he feels displeased with them. Hes the kind of guy who thought it was “cute” that I had * no one * in my block list, because I am a generally friendly person who would rather talk things out then block/ban someone and move on. (Compared to his nearly 900 people in his blocked list)
I admit, I didn’t know, how to handle his hatred, and he had so, so much while he was here. I tried to understand, I tried to be tolerant, as he would do random and strange things like tape the light switches down or throw things around randomly.
He painted himself as the victim, because that is what he is used to doing, from what I have seen of him and his behavior. I saw him do this multiple times over the time I have known him. (and to be fair, most of this is his own doing IMO) I should have known better, then to interact with him, just based off all the stories I used to hear about him circulating in the furry gossip mills, back before Covid became such a thing. It was always a surprise to me when people reminded me of how unaccepted this guy is to so, so many places here in my home city. He was blackballed from his own professional community, for being such a negative-nancy all the time to almost everyone and anyone he met. He had such a negative reputation surrounding him, that inviting him to the partys I used to host was difficult. (Theres a lot of people who wouldn’t be at the same party as this guy)
I had known him since the days he tried to join one of my admin teams a long time ago, and had been keeping an eye on him off and on during the following years. I heard some interesting accusations against him, of dropping ****s in peoples *****s at the ***** o r
He called me a psychopath, a narcissist, he told me he hated everything about me basically, for months while he was here. and I put up with it, soaking up his abuse like a sponge and trying my best to be whatever it was he was wanting me to be. In the end, I broke. I couldn’t do the things he wanted. I couldn’t focus on anything but myself, my own needs, my own mind. To do otherwise was to look into the screeching void that had become my life. Over time, he had turned my house, into a prison. I am sorry to him, that I could’nt make it work. I am sorry that in the end, i broke and couldn’t function anymore, and I became so, so obsessed with him while he was here. I hope he understands, that I *never* wanted it to end that way. But he broke me. He broke me, so, so throughly while he was here. Especially in the end, when he took so much of my world away from me. When my husband almost died, because of the stress of our combined dramas.
He tried to warn me, in the beginning. That he made a bad roommate. That he had his own bad experiences from living with people and he knew he needed to live on his own to be his happiest. I tried to warn him too, that I was a bad housemate as well. But he was being kicked out of his place of 8 years, where he hadn’t paid his rent for most of that time there. I remember trying to help him figure out a solution to that when he was getting kicked at. At my heart, I am not a bad person. I generally wish for the success of those around me and if theres some way I can help, I ussually like to do it, weather it
Small Confession: I will admit, a large part of the blame did fall on me. On my inability to handle things. On my inability to understand what he tried to teach me at the time, and taking so so long to get there, and by the time I had reached it, he was gone, and had no interest in me or the person I became because of his help. I do not think he will understand how he helped me become the person I became, or why I took the actions I did, or why I did end up being grateful to him in the end in some ways. I am sorry, that I tried to keep our friendship going, long past the point he made it so clear to me he had no interest, no inkling, no iota of caring in his soul for me any longer. that was a hard part for me to lose back then. But in the end, I have finally acknowledged what a toxic person he had been while he had been here. He was a person, full of hate for a lot of things, in most of his life. He is not a bad person at heart but he is an asshole, who hates when he doesn’t get his way and is more focused on his feelings about feeling *right* about things rather then actually resolving the issues.
It can be very hard, to be hated by someone you used to care so much for, but it ended up being your own fault for how things ended up. It was why I took so long after he left to start feeling like i can show my head in public again. I don't know entirely what damage he may have done to me, or my reputation. A part of me realizes now, that you need to focus on the people around you, and not what a imaginary (yet also disturbingly real) crowd of people think or feel about you, a person they have only occasionally met. I know I am more then the sum of the people who ended up blocking me, bacause of him. I also go forward, generally knowing that I am a more well developed and well rounded person because of the lessons he did try to teach me. But I need to stop pinning those hard fought achievements on the ghost of a man, who doesnt care, barely ever did and never will. about me again. I hope someday, he realizes the actions I did take, because of him, were to try and rebuild things, for so long, that I *did* become a better person.
Times I’ve seen him play the victim:
When his former housemate came over to grab the instant pot so he could make dinner, he felt the housemate was doing it intentionally to mess with him because he had company. (I think the housemate just wanted to cook dinner and Dono was being probably unfair to him. )
He later accused the same housemate of stabbing his tires and trying to murder him (was it his housemate? I don’t honestly know, I remember the facial expression of shock on the guys face and the guy called the police to report him . I was honestly 50/50% on weather he was right or he was accusing his housemate of murder out of the blue)
He always seemed to feel victimized, by the most random things.
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