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Descent Into Sportballs Madness
4 years ago
So, there's no surprise that my moods as of late have been coming on Sundays. Sure, I could always point to my religious family and watching some unsavory sermons with them. But that's the easy way out and I've been coping with that fine.
No, the bigger reason, as fucking stupid as it sounds, involves one of my greatest passions in life. Football. Handegg, whatever you want to call it. I support two teams, one in college (UCF) and one in the NFL (Miami Dolphins).
I've really been a fan of my college team since I played in the marching band for them. Some epic memories and I've seen the growth of the program firsthand. Yeah, the team is having a rough year, but I completely understand. I'm hopeful and happy for the future there.
But then we turn to a consistent problem. One that has been a roller coaster emotions ever since my dad introduced me to it back when I was 6 years old. The Miami Dolphins are simply a franchise banking on ancient success. Ever since the legendary Dan Marino played for the franchise, the Phins have been absolutely stuck in a cycle of Hell. Promising coaches and starts always turn sour, the franchise cleans house, and things hardly change in the long run. It's easily one of the worst places to be in. To deliver false hope only to crush it every single fucking time. FUCK EVERYTHING ABOUT THE TEAM NOW! I've sat through bad seasons, but the players showed some heart and got some neat upsets to catapult into next season. Now? Everything across the board is hopeless and I can't see how the franchise will avoid pressing the restart button once again. I don't think I'll see meaningful games in my lifetime, really. I feel cursed.
But ZEUS! It's just a game, yeah? Let it go and find another passion? Easy for you to say. This is a team that my dad and I bonded over for many years. But then all the times I had to be patient with my dad's near violent outbursts each time the team screws up has finally surfaced. It has worn my patience so thin that now it has bled into a growing disdain for professional football. And I'm so damn heartbroken about it. I thought the team was escaping the cycle, but here we are AGAIN! And to lose to a team that had it's head coach be a complete embarassment in both college and now the pros is beyond embarassing.
It's really starting to severly depress me every week, and I just had enough. I'm at a crossroads again, and right now, I have to teach myself to stop caring about something I had for decades. It sucks that such a sport is thrown into my face online and by my friends too. It's part of my identity. Everyone knows I'm a big football fan. But now, I have to cut half of that out for my own sanity. And it sucks. I'm normally an optimistic guy and I find myself trying not to hurt myself when thigns continue to get worse.
I don't know what to do except to escape from the pain. I can't handle it. I'm here eating ice cream and planning a stream to distract myself from the pain. I am going to really breakdown soon if I keep this up, so I have to do something to change this path. I don't want my love for the sport to die, but today was just the last straw in so many areas.
Keep me in your thoughts going forward. I value what I do and I don't want to toss it all away over something I can't control. It sucks, and I don't know if I should seek mental counseling at this rate. I'm sick of feeling like shit for something that should be such a big impact in my life. I feel really bad for my dad, as such outbursts are starting to divide the family again. It's toxic. I'm drowning. And I have to get back to my stable state of mind as soon as I can.
No, the bigger reason, as fucking stupid as it sounds, involves one of my greatest passions in life. Football. Handegg, whatever you want to call it. I support two teams, one in college (UCF) and one in the NFL (Miami Dolphins).
I've really been a fan of my college team since I played in the marching band for them. Some epic memories and I've seen the growth of the program firsthand. Yeah, the team is having a rough year, but I completely understand. I'm hopeful and happy for the future there.
But then we turn to a consistent problem. One that has been a roller coaster emotions ever since my dad introduced me to it back when I was 6 years old. The Miami Dolphins are simply a franchise banking on ancient success. Ever since the legendary Dan Marino played for the franchise, the Phins have been absolutely stuck in a cycle of Hell. Promising coaches and starts always turn sour, the franchise cleans house, and things hardly change in the long run. It's easily one of the worst places to be in. To deliver false hope only to crush it every single fucking time. FUCK EVERYTHING ABOUT THE TEAM NOW! I've sat through bad seasons, but the players showed some heart and got some neat upsets to catapult into next season. Now? Everything across the board is hopeless and I can't see how the franchise will avoid pressing the restart button once again. I don't think I'll see meaningful games in my lifetime, really. I feel cursed.
But ZEUS! It's just a game, yeah? Let it go and find another passion? Easy for you to say. This is a team that my dad and I bonded over for many years. But then all the times I had to be patient with my dad's near violent outbursts each time the team screws up has finally surfaced. It has worn my patience so thin that now it has bled into a growing disdain for professional football. And I'm so damn heartbroken about it. I thought the team was escaping the cycle, but here we are AGAIN! And to lose to a team that had it's head coach be a complete embarassment in both college and now the pros is beyond embarassing.
It's really starting to severly depress me every week, and I just had enough. I'm at a crossroads again, and right now, I have to teach myself to stop caring about something I had for decades. It sucks that such a sport is thrown into my face online and by my friends too. It's part of my identity. Everyone knows I'm a big football fan. But now, I have to cut half of that out for my own sanity. And it sucks. I'm normally an optimistic guy and I find myself trying not to hurt myself when thigns continue to get worse.
I don't know what to do except to escape from the pain. I can't handle it. I'm here eating ice cream and planning a stream to distract myself from the pain. I am going to really breakdown soon if I keep this up, so I have to do something to change this path. I don't want my love for the sport to die, but today was just the last straw in so many areas.
Keep me in your thoughts going forward. I value what I do and I don't want to toss it all away over something I can't control. It sucks, and I don't know if I should seek mental counseling at this rate. I'm sick of feeling like shit for something that should be such a big impact in my life. I feel really bad for my dad, as such outbursts are starting to divide the family again. It's toxic. I'm drowning. And I have to get back to my stable state of mind as soon as I can.
