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State of the Pegasus – 2025
4 days ago
General
Man, it’s December already? Time really does feel like it’s flying faster the older I get. A couple of weeks ago, I have reached the prime old age of 35. Woooo! Yet… being 35 years old has let me reflecting more than I usually do. This year marks a lot in my life, honestly. So let’s recap a bit!
It's been 17 years since I broke my religious purity and lurked for fetish porn in 2008 via the furry fandom.
It’s been 14 years since I got introduced to fandom life via MLP. One of the best decisions in my life.
It's been 12 years since I graduated hecking COLLEGE with a Bachelors Degree in Mechanical Engineering. (GO KNIGHTS, CHARGE ON!)
It's been 11 years since I’ve made Zeus as my main fursona. Haven’t changed except adding a female form and some dragon stuff too.
It's been also been 11 years since my religious deconstruction began, and also living away from my own parents. That whole journey has been logged in my journals.
It’s also been 9 years since I attended my first furry convention (Anthrocon 2016).
It’s been 7 years since I’ve started training in Isshinryu Karate with the same sensei as part of a local workout group. (Purple belt now)
It’s been 5 years since the global pandemic happened and I left the church for good.
It’s been 4 years since I’ve started streaming video games on Twitch as one of my primary hobbies.
It’s been 16 months since I got hair surgery to save my balding scalp with a fresh, young looking head of hair.
It’s only been 2 months since I started fasting on a weekly basis and making progress towards weight loss.
And thankfully, it has been a while since I had to hit up the ER for some health scares around Pandemic time.
So yeah, I’ve been doing my own thing for sure, making lots of friends along the way. Some friendships naturally drifted apart. I don’t keep tabs on my fraternity brothers since my college days, nor anyone from high school or that I met in my years of marching band. It’s sucked at times, but I think overall I am in a better place than when I started to break free from the cookie cutter life my family tried to shove me into.
So… now what? 2026 is around the corner. I find myself thinking about the future a lot. How I want to see the world, take a lot of trips to see friends, invest in my future even. I own land now officially in Colombia thanks to my family. It’s a great feeling, along with sticking with the same company for almost 8 years now.
There’s a lot to look forward to, but I’m going to be honest. There are some important concerns and questions to address. If you’d like to stick around after the positives I’ll lay out, please feel free. I… don’t know how to say this without coming off as desperate, but I’m practically at the point of begging for some serious help on some matters.
That said, let’s get to the good. The HYPE! Reasons it’s great to be me lately.
2026 Hype Train
• The BIGGEST news I have to share is that the transition VTUBING life is happening in 2026. My 3D modeler of choice, WOLKE_AD, informed me only 3 people are head of me. I expect my turn to pop up in January or February in the new year. That means I’ll take a hiatus to prepare for my re-launch of the new and improved Zeus, but I am super excited to take this next step in my streaming career. I do this because I love gaming and hopefully will make it big enough to raise money for humanitarian efforts.
• With the arrival of my new model, I’ll be seriously looking into joining VR stuff. This will be the closet I get to fursuiting in this fandom, so I look forward to making friends with others in that world soon enough.
• I’ll be traveling to the UK/Spain for 3 weeks in May with my family! Can’t wait to get back to Europe and see more of the world I share with other humans.
• I am still planning on attending Anthrocon 2026 and Megaplex 2026 as well. I won’t have the paid time off to address other trips sadly.
• I will be debuting a new aspect of my schedule, the SUMMER OF SPOOPS! There are so many spooky games out there that I want to get in an extra game over the summer to tackle my long queue. This will start after Anthrocon, most likely.
• Cruros is going to be taking another visit to Orlando with me in October this year. I’ll be excited to indulge in another jampacked week of activities to celebrate all things Halloween.
Hope you enjoyed that news dump! Can’t wait to be making positive memories. However… it’s time to bring out the biggest reason why I wanted to make this journal.
A Complicated Love Life on the Verge of No Return
*Deep sighs*
While this year has been lovely in a lot of ways, I can’t sit here and pretend all is right in the world with me. I laid out some milestones at the beginning of this journey to prove a point, something I know others in this fandom struggle with.
I don’t have anyone special to call my own. I’m no where fucking close to that. And believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve thought I had leads for years. But every time, I had everything happen from being catfished by a trans woman for 6 years, to having my parents break up a beautiful relationship multiple times to prioritize work, to always ending up considering entering poly relationships or simply pushing too hard on someone that simply wasn’t ready to commit to me.
I’ve been irresponsible and neglecting this aspect of my life for way too long. It’s very important to me, even after leaving the indoctrination by my former church and family. But why? Don’t I have lots of friends to fill in that gap? Well… I do. But friendships operate on a spectrum. They are always at risk of falling out since it’s lower stakes compared to a romantic relationship.
For this whole time I’ve noted in my timeline, I’ve probably sat through at least 8 weddings, sent almost as many cons with happy couples living their best lives out in public, followed influential people that has made it where I want to be. Making content for my followers and having that stable life I’ve wanted.
It’s been essentially the biggest feeling of FOMO ever in my life, and it kills me on the inside. Part of that pain is why I’ve really dug into the Breeding God aspect of my fursona. To have this perfect harem tend to me and care for me and maybe get lucky with one making that transition. But no matter what I do, I can’t make progress. I hate it. I despite that being the nagging monkey on my back.
I’ve reached out to friends about these same problems over the years. I have gotten some decent advice, but now, I think I need to cast a wider net here. I need to figure out a way to truly find the right woman to be my equal and Goddess in this pantheon. I am going to make this clear though for this wanting to reach out and have this conversation with me. There are certain standards I just cannot budge on when I’m searching for this gaping hole in my life.
This is going to sound offensive to some readers, but it’s important to set boundaries and clear expectations here.
My Ideal Mate Must…
1. Not be CURRENTLY or CONSIDERING being religiously affiliated to any Abrahamic faith.
I escaped that world, I am NOT going back in no matter what. Even if the woman assures me that faith won’t get in the way, I know that’s a lie in the end. It’d feel double faced and I’d be putting her familial standing in the way.
2. Be ready to prove their commitment and identity by being willing to both voice/video chat and send RL images of their normal life.
If I am to try a long distance relationship again, this is essential. I don’t want to be paranoid in seeing if the person I’m interested is who they say they are. I don’t want to leave the first IRL date reveal for that moment. I want to know ahead of time. I want to learn the person behind the lovely furry profile pic.
3. Be a cis-woman that is romantically interested in men at least.
I don’t care if the woman of my dreams is pansexual, or bi, or anything that isn’t straight. Long as they are truly seeking a man for their equal too, I’ll be good. Hell, having sexual interest can remain fairly optional with me. Of course, this does shoot myself in the foot because plenty of lovely friends and people in this fandom are trans-gender. I will not deny their rightful womanhood, of course. They ARE real woman and should be treated as such. But at the same time, I know of the baggage in this day and age that comes with these relationships. I will not burn the bonds I have with family over this pursuit and I know deep down, I wouldn’t be happy until they full transition, which can take more time and funds that plenty do not have.
My fursona is bi-sexual, leaning heavily fem, but that doesn’t translate too well to my RL desires. It’s just a way for me to explore without consequence.
4. Be part of the furry fandom or at least super friendly to it.
Maybe this won’t be too difficult, but I’m just saying that I’m not willing to stop being a furry just to win the heart of a lovely lady.
5. Not actively in a poly relationship.
Sorry, but I don’t want competition. I am too vulnerable and in need of a stable partner before I even dare explore something my fursona does in verse.
And that’s pretty much it. I am willing to adjust my RP habits and expectations to make things work with my partner. Yeah, I know that’ll likely me very reduced or no availability to ERP with those I have over the years once I hop into a relationship, but this is something I know I need.
It's no longer a pipe dream or matter of simple youthful desire. I NEED this. I don’t want to not have lived through life without a chance of having a partner. I don’t want my best track record being 3 months with a girl I met locally.
Everyone… I need direction and assistance here as badly as ever. If you’d like to give me advice or schedule time to talk about it for sure, I’m open to hear people out, but I will give priority to friends of mine first.
With that, I’m going to wrap things up here. Not going to keep on the negative train lately, but hopefully this paints a picture where my head is at. See you for more streams and chats soon! <3
It's been 17 years since I broke my religious purity and lurked for fetish porn in 2008 via the furry fandom.
It’s been 14 years since I got introduced to fandom life via MLP. One of the best decisions in my life.
It's been 12 years since I graduated hecking COLLEGE with a Bachelors Degree in Mechanical Engineering. (GO KNIGHTS, CHARGE ON!)
It's been 11 years since I’ve made Zeus as my main fursona. Haven’t changed except adding a female form and some dragon stuff too.
It's been also been 11 years since my religious deconstruction began, and also living away from my own parents. That whole journey has been logged in my journals.
It’s also been 9 years since I attended my first furry convention (Anthrocon 2016).
It’s been 7 years since I’ve started training in Isshinryu Karate with the same sensei as part of a local workout group. (Purple belt now)
It’s been 5 years since the global pandemic happened and I left the church for good.
It’s been 4 years since I’ve started streaming video games on Twitch as one of my primary hobbies.
It’s been 16 months since I got hair surgery to save my balding scalp with a fresh, young looking head of hair.
It’s only been 2 months since I started fasting on a weekly basis and making progress towards weight loss.
And thankfully, it has been a while since I had to hit up the ER for some health scares around Pandemic time.
So yeah, I’ve been doing my own thing for sure, making lots of friends along the way. Some friendships naturally drifted apart. I don’t keep tabs on my fraternity brothers since my college days, nor anyone from high school or that I met in my years of marching band. It’s sucked at times, but I think overall I am in a better place than when I started to break free from the cookie cutter life my family tried to shove me into.
So… now what? 2026 is around the corner. I find myself thinking about the future a lot. How I want to see the world, take a lot of trips to see friends, invest in my future even. I own land now officially in Colombia thanks to my family. It’s a great feeling, along with sticking with the same company for almost 8 years now.
There’s a lot to look forward to, but I’m going to be honest. There are some important concerns and questions to address. If you’d like to stick around after the positives I’ll lay out, please feel free. I… don’t know how to say this without coming off as desperate, but I’m practically at the point of begging for some serious help on some matters.
That said, let’s get to the good. The HYPE! Reasons it’s great to be me lately.
2026 Hype Train
• The BIGGEST news I have to share is that the transition VTUBING life is happening in 2026. My 3D modeler of choice, WOLKE_AD, informed me only 3 people are head of me. I expect my turn to pop up in January or February in the new year. That means I’ll take a hiatus to prepare for my re-launch of the new and improved Zeus, but I am super excited to take this next step in my streaming career. I do this because I love gaming and hopefully will make it big enough to raise money for humanitarian efforts.
• With the arrival of my new model, I’ll be seriously looking into joining VR stuff. This will be the closet I get to fursuiting in this fandom, so I look forward to making friends with others in that world soon enough.
• I’ll be traveling to the UK/Spain for 3 weeks in May with my family! Can’t wait to get back to Europe and see more of the world I share with other humans.
• I am still planning on attending Anthrocon 2026 and Megaplex 2026 as well. I won’t have the paid time off to address other trips sadly.
• I will be debuting a new aspect of my schedule, the SUMMER OF SPOOPS! There are so many spooky games out there that I want to get in an extra game over the summer to tackle my long queue. This will start after Anthrocon, most likely.
• Cruros is going to be taking another visit to Orlando with me in October this year. I’ll be excited to indulge in another jampacked week of activities to celebrate all things Halloween.
Hope you enjoyed that news dump! Can’t wait to be making positive memories. However… it’s time to bring out the biggest reason why I wanted to make this journal.
A Complicated Love Life on the Verge of No Return
*Deep sighs*
While this year has been lovely in a lot of ways, I can’t sit here and pretend all is right in the world with me. I laid out some milestones at the beginning of this journey to prove a point, something I know others in this fandom struggle with.
I don’t have anyone special to call my own. I’m no where fucking close to that. And believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve thought I had leads for years. But every time, I had everything happen from being catfished by a trans woman for 6 years, to having my parents break up a beautiful relationship multiple times to prioritize work, to always ending up considering entering poly relationships or simply pushing too hard on someone that simply wasn’t ready to commit to me.
I’ve been irresponsible and neglecting this aspect of my life for way too long. It’s very important to me, even after leaving the indoctrination by my former church and family. But why? Don’t I have lots of friends to fill in that gap? Well… I do. But friendships operate on a spectrum. They are always at risk of falling out since it’s lower stakes compared to a romantic relationship.
For this whole time I’ve noted in my timeline, I’ve probably sat through at least 8 weddings, sent almost as many cons with happy couples living their best lives out in public, followed influential people that has made it where I want to be. Making content for my followers and having that stable life I’ve wanted.
It’s been essentially the biggest feeling of FOMO ever in my life, and it kills me on the inside. Part of that pain is why I’ve really dug into the Breeding God aspect of my fursona. To have this perfect harem tend to me and care for me and maybe get lucky with one making that transition. But no matter what I do, I can’t make progress. I hate it. I despite that being the nagging monkey on my back.
I’ve reached out to friends about these same problems over the years. I have gotten some decent advice, but now, I think I need to cast a wider net here. I need to figure out a way to truly find the right woman to be my equal and Goddess in this pantheon. I am going to make this clear though for this wanting to reach out and have this conversation with me. There are certain standards I just cannot budge on when I’m searching for this gaping hole in my life.
This is going to sound offensive to some readers, but it’s important to set boundaries and clear expectations here.
My Ideal Mate Must…
1. Not be CURRENTLY or CONSIDERING being religiously affiliated to any Abrahamic faith.
I escaped that world, I am NOT going back in no matter what. Even if the woman assures me that faith won’t get in the way, I know that’s a lie in the end. It’d feel double faced and I’d be putting her familial standing in the way.
2. Be ready to prove their commitment and identity by being willing to both voice/video chat and send RL images of their normal life.
If I am to try a long distance relationship again, this is essential. I don’t want to be paranoid in seeing if the person I’m interested is who they say they are. I don’t want to leave the first IRL date reveal for that moment. I want to know ahead of time. I want to learn the person behind the lovely furry profile pic.
3. Be a cis-woman that is romantically interested in men at least.
I don’t care if the woman of my dreams is pansexual, or bi, or anything that isn’t straight. Long as they are truly seeking a man for their equal too, I’ll be good. Hell, having sexual interest can remain fairly optional with me. Of course, this does shoot myself in the foot because plenty of lovely friends and people in this fandom are trans-gender. I will not deny their rightful womanhood, of course. They ARE real woman and should be treated as such. But at the same time, I know of the baggage in this day and age that comes with these relationships. I will not burn the bonds I have with family over this pursuit and I know deep down, I wouldn’t be happy until they full transition, which can take more time and funds that plenty do not have.
My fursona is bi-sexual, leaning heavily fem, but that doesn’t translate too well to my RL desires. It’s just a way for me to explore without consequence.
4. Be part of the furry fandom or at least super friendly to it.
Maybe this won’t be too difficult, but I’m just saying that I’m not willing to stop being a furry just to win the heart of a lovely lady.
5. Not actively in a poly relationship.
Sorry, but I don’t want competition. I am too vulnerable and in need of a stable partner before I even dare explore something my fursona does in verse.
And that’s pretty much it. I am willing to adjust my RP habits and expectations to make things work with my partner. Yeah, I know that’ll likely me very reduced or no availability to ERP with those I have over the years once I hop into a relationship, but this is something I know I need.
It's no longer a pipe dream or matter of simple youthful desire. I NEED this. I don’t want to not have lived through life without a chance of having a partner. I don’t want my best track record being 3 months with a girl I met locally.
Everyone… I need direction and assistance here as badly as ever. If you’d like to give me advice or schedule time to talk about it for sure, I’m open to hear people out, but I will give priority to friends of mine first.
With that, I’m going to wrap things up here. Not going to keep on the negative train lately, but hopefully this paints a picture where my head is at. See you for more streams and chats soon! <3
Alas, we're both in the same positions when it come to our love lives, so I don't have any new advice to offer beyond what we've commiserated over together. We'll continue to support each other on our journeys!