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I need to get this off my chest
4 years ago
I need to write this somewhere, if you don't care, please keep scrolling.
I wont be naming any names due to privacy of the people.
Lately, I've been feeling very miserable, just plain awful and mentally drained.
The past few months have been hell. Literal hell for me.
I'm having a really difficult time even reaching out to someone in general just to talk. I nearly abandoned telegram too.. which, I still think ill delete my account on...
- I'm tired of being the third wheel/ second choice. It's been this way my whole life, no matter how hard I try, I'll never be good enough
Im just gonna throw this out here, of he sees it and gets mad, it's fine... I just cannot hold this in anymore.
- the past year, I've been experiencing feelings for a certain guy, after finding out it was mutual. I couldn't help but to feel like the luckiest guy in the world
We spoke about actually living together, and make many wonderful memories...
However as of the beginning of this month I feel like all of that just... poof disappeared.
I'm really heartbroken about this... cause this was something I really looked forward to.
Something I even put a lot of effort into to get there... to the other side of the goddamn world.
I just wish I could open up to him about how I feel rn. How scared. Sad, and just hurt I am.
I wish I could speak up without the fear of losing him
He isn't just someone I love... he's also my best friend. My idol and just someone I have a lot of respect for.
I promised myself, no matter what I wouldn't abandon him, hurt him or being harm to him in any way. And this is what I'm sticking with. He's way to damn important to me.
I wont be naming any names due to privacy of the people.
Lately, I've been feeling very miserable, just plain awful and mentally drained.
The past few months have been hell. Literal hell for me.
I'm having a really difficult time even reaching out to someone in general just to talk. I nearly abandoned telegram too.. which, I still think ill delete my account on...
- I'm tired of being the third wheel/ second choice. It's been this way my whole life, no matter how hard I try, I'll never be good enough
Im just gonna throw this out here, of he sees it and gets mad, it's fine... I just cannot hold this in anymore.
- the past year, I've been experiencing feelings for a certain guy, after finding out it was mutual. I couldn't help but to feel like the luckiest guy in the world
We spoke about actually living together, and make many wonderful memories...
However as of the beginning of this month I feel like all of that just... poof disappeared.
I'm really heartbroken about this... cause this was something I really looked forward to.
Something I even put a lot of effort into to get there... to the other side of the goddamn world.
I just wish I could open up to him about how I feel rn. How scared. Sad, and just hurt I am.
I wish I could speak up without the fear of losing him
He isn't just someone I love... he's also my best friend. My idol and just someone I have a lot of respect for.
I promised myself, no matter what I wouldn't abandon him, hurt him or being harm to him in any way. And this is what I'm sticking with. He's way to damn important to me.
I honestly dont know what to do.
I'm having a lot of trouble sleeping and eating.
It's just cause I feel like everything spoken about for the past year is just gone x.x
And honestly he's sweet. The problem is I have trouble reaching out. And talking about what's on my chest. I dont wanna upset him and lose him
No we aren't together.
And by what I've seen we never will be.
But... its a very difficult situation.
And as much as I want to I can't speak too much about that publicly ;-;