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The time I nearly died and the fight for my life.
4 years ago
General
Just ghosting everyone off of the map is never acceptable. I've been absent a very long time. I should have made this post a LONG time ago and I can’t begin to apologize enough. I should have left people know what was really going on. Let’s take a trip back in time and let me explain things from the beginning.
In 2016 I was hospitalized with a “heart episode”. After a week of tests and a lot of heart ache for my family they finally figured out what was wrong with me. Renal Failure (aka Kidney Failure). My kidneys were starting to go and I was actually, unknowingly on my deathbed. My blood was literal mud in my veins, poisoning me more and more everyday. I was rushed off for emergency dialysis and after a week started to slowly recover.
I had a rare condition that made my immune system attack my kidneys as if they were foreign matter. This illness relentlessly, slowly ate away at my kidney function silently for years, unbeknownst to me.
Three weeks in the hospital and a blood transfusion later I was well enough to go home. I was alive but…drained. In just about every way a person could be, emotionally, physically- and maybe even spiritually.
I continued to receive treatment on Hemodialysis for another 6 months. This is not a hell I would wish on my worst enemy. I was strapped to a chair for 4 to 5 hours while a machine sucked all my blood out of my body, basically ran it through a washing machine to remove toxins still building up in my blood from a lack of kidney function. I did this three days a week and it left me so exhausted some days I could barely get out of bed.
I did however have something to look forward to Peritoneal dialysis. Once I was well enough- I could pursue a different treatment at home which was also a lot gentler on my system and left me with considerably more energy.
Peritoneal Dialysis was a life changer for me. It allowed me to undergo my treatment overnight and allowed me to return to a closer to normal life. I was even able to return to work, be it modified because of my illness still leaving me with as much stamina as I used to have. It made me almost turn away from my art minus an occasional drawing or two-but the passion just wasn’t there. My ‘spark’ had gone out.
With Covid hitting early 2020 I was forced to take a leave of absence from work. My immune system was already messed up and my treatment just complicated things. It ended up being the best thing that could have ever possibly happened to me. Being forced to stay home allowed me to further improve my condition to the point I was in the perfect shape for the one thing I so desperately needed-the one thing that could truly change my life forever, a Kidney Transplant.
Later that year, I got the call- they found a match for me. 4+ agonizing years and I had hope. I had a chance at a normal life. I cried after hanging up from my transplant team harder than I ever had in my entire life.
That was a year ago. A year with my new transplant and I feel alive again. I didn’t know just how tired and sick I felt until it was gone. I just brushed it off as the fatigue of being on me feet for 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week walking on concrete and carting around a lot of books.
There were so many times I wanted to just stop treatment, give up on myself-take the cowards way out. I was too stubborn for that-I had too much left I wanted to do. I had to keep fighting.
If you ever feel like you’re completely done. If you feel like you want to give up-just remember there is someone that will always fight for you-yourself. Hold onto that and never give up and never give in. Life will test you in ways you can’t imagine-it’s up to you to overcome it.
In 2016 I was hospitalized with a “heart episode”. After a week of tests and a lot of heart ache for my family they finally figured out what was wrong with me. Renal Failure (aka Kidney Failure). My kidneys were starting to go and I was actually, unknowingly on my deathbed. My blood was literal mud in my veins, poisoning me more and more everyday. I was rushed off for emergency dialysis and after a week started to slowly recover.
I had a rare condition that made my immune system attack my kidneys as if they were foreign matter. This illness relentlessly, slowly ate away at my kidney function silently for years, unbeknownst to me.
Three weeks in the hospital and a blood transfusion later I was well enough to go home. I was alive but…drained. In just about every way a person could be, emotionally, physically- and maybe even spiritually.
I continued to receive treatment on Hemodialysis for another 6 months. This is not a hell I would wish on my worst enemy. I was strapped to a chair for 4 to 5 hours while a machine sucked all my blood out of my body, basically ran it through a washing machine to remove toxins still building up in my blood from a lack of kidney function. I did this three days a week and it left me so exhausted some days I could barely get out of bed.
I did however have something to look forward to Peritoneal dialysis. Once I was well enough- I could pursue a different treatment at home which was also a lot gentler on my system and left me with considerably more energy.
Peritoneal Dialysis was a life changer for me. It allowed me to undergo my treatment overnight and allowed me to return to a closer to normal life. I was even able to return to work, be it modified because of my illness still leaving me with as much stamina as I used to have. It made me almost turn away from my art minus an occasional drawing or two-but the passion just wasn’t there. My ‘spark’ had gone out.
With Covid hitting early 2020 I was forced to take a leave of absence from work. My immune system was already messed up and my treatment just complicated things. It ended up being the best thing that could have ever possibly happened to me. Being forced to stay home allowed me to further improve my condition to the point I was in the perfect shape for the one thing I so desperately needed-the one thing that could truly change my life forever, a Kidney Transplant.
Later that year, I got the call- they found a match for me. 4+ agonizing years and I had hope. I had a chance at a normal life. I cried after hanging up from my transplant team harder than I ever had in my entire life.
That was a year ago. A year with my new transplant and I feel alive again. I didn’t know just how tired and sick I felt until it was gone. I just brushed it off as the fatigue of being on me feet for 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week walking on concrete and carting around a lot of books.
There were so many times I wanted to just stop treatment, give up on myself-take the cowards way out. I was too stubborn for that-I had too much left I wanted to do. I had to keep fighting.
If you ever feel like you’re completely done. If you feel like you want to give up-just remember there is someone that will always fight for you-yourself. Hold onto that and never give up and never give in. Life will test you in ways you can’t imagine-it’s up to you to overcome it.
