Sorry for the long absence. I've been dealing with two back-to-back illnesses (still sick now), having some marital problems (they are resolved now), dealing with an unimpressed in-law, and to top it all off I'm pregnant again. I'm about 3ish 4ish weeks along if my estimate is right.

I've had a very very long month and you know it's made me realize some things. One is that I should never give up my passion for anything. The real reason why I decided to space out my uploads is because I wanted to be more present in my marriage. I wanted to spoil my husband more and show him what a good wife I am. And I was dealing with pressure from his family to be better.

Now before you make a opinion yet I just wanna say that I do want a more traditional relationship. I want to be a housewife/stay-at-home mom and homeschool my kids. Problem is we live with other people right now so it's hard to be a housewife when you have no house. And there's no kids(fertility problems). So despite having a job (and doing chores) I'm still effectively "useless".

So in order to look better and more productive I drew less. I should've never done that. Art has always been the best way for me to escape. For me to relax. And for me to cope.

Anyway, me doing less art didn't work because some people still weren't satisfied with my efforts. I overworked myself (mind you while sick and pregnant and dealing with depression) trying to fix things and appeal to everyone and what do I get?

"You're not good enough."

Yeah. Fuck that.
I received that sentiment amongst other insulting things that I will not repeat. Not good enough....
Worst part is at first I accepted it and tried to do better even making everyone dessert and making my husband his favorite meals, and having lots of sex with him. But he blew up at me anyway.
It's because an in-law of mine got to him and said I wasn't good enough for him.
Eventually I had enough of this treatment. I was tired of everyone acting like they were doing me a favor. And I was tired of being compared to another woman. I told my husband that he wants a mom not a wife and that I'm leaving because I'm tired of being mistreated. He finally broke out of his funk and realized how much he'd been taking me for granted. He's sorry now and doesn't want to lose me or the baby.

Lesson learned : Never give up your passion for another person, even if they're your spouse.
I never made HIM drop HIS hobbies.

Sorry for the rant. Normally I don't like being this open about my private life but I have no one to talk to and it's important that you guys know about any major stuff going on.

As for any new uploads I have a couple of pieces that are partially done and I may be able to upload tomorrow. Halloween and the whole month of October is ruined. It sucks because it really is my favorite time of year. Oh well... there's always next year...