It doesn't happen very often but sometimes a piece of media most often a show comes along and just grabs me in such a way that I have a hard time not thinking about it. I guess it's the closest I get to a hyper fixation. My Little Pony friendship is magic was one of these pieces of media and World of Warcraft aswell. For example I have played World of Warcraft pretty much everyday for the last 15 years. I have played WoW for more than half of my life. And Helluva Boss has very obviously become one of these things that just roots itself in my mind and stays there rent free. The interesting thing is that I stumbled upon the show and all of Vivziepops works by accident. I was hanging around with my brother in the summer of last year just talking and randomly in his recommended on Youtube the music video for Vivziepops other animated show Hazbin Hotel's song Addict came up and my brother just put it on for no reason. I listened to it and just something struck a cord with me, now I had never seen the pilot for the show and knew nothing about the characters but Angel Dust in the music video just kinda resonated with me and it stuck. Immediately when I got back to my PC I watched the pilot for Hazbin Hotel. I was kinda left speechless and intrigued I then saw the pilot for Helluva Boss in the related videos on the side of the page and clicked it. The pilot was pretty much what I was expecting from a vulgar type comedy at the time. Then I saw that the 1st episode of season 1 was out and watched that. I don't know exactly what but something once again just resonated with me. The characters were funny and interesting. I subscribed to Vivziepop's channel in wait of episode 2. When it came out I was instantly glued to my PC screen and watching it. And within the first 5 minutes of the episode I knew exactly why I had fallen in love with this show. There was something under the surface that became obvious to me. This show wasn't just a comedy set in hell. This was about broken people doing the best of their situations. And in a shock to no one I especially fell in love with the character Stolas. Especially after his song number "You Will Be Okay". A father singing to their child that no matter what happens they will never be alone and they will infact always be okay. Those 4 words, something I always wanted to hear from my father. Now when I grew up I never felt like I had a father. I was very distant from my step-father and I don't think I have ever called him dad during my whole life, I always just referred to him by his name. We are just to different, He is more interested in cars while my interests have always laid within the virtual worlds of videogames and computers. My relationship with him is a lot better now adays and has been pretty okay ever since I was around 15-16. But in episode 2 off that short scene of Stolas comforting his child I kinda got a glimpse of what I had been missing out on during my childhood. And when we then see what has happened to his life after his wife found out about his affair with Blitz we just get to see something that was just kinda familiar to me. The feeling that you can't be yourself, that feeling off letting others down. And that was a thing that resonated with me aswell from Stolas. Having to hide your sexuality because of doubt. Now Stolas isn't the only characters that struck a cord with me. Blitz aswell has just been a fountain of familiar feelings. The walls that you put up when you don't want to be hurt. The mentality of "If I don't let anyone close and I hurt them first, they can't hurt me when they leave". And the most familiar feeling, the one that just sits in the back of your head and tells you that you aren't worthy of love. When in fact its hard to be loved by someone else when you don't love yourself. That is the thing about Helluva Boss that makes it special for me, It's just filled with all to real and familiar emotions to me. Loneliness, Hurt, Self-criticising and self-ridicule. All trade mark tools off my mental states and my mental health. But it's not all just doom and gloom. Then we have characters like Millie and Moxxie, two of the most wholesome characters I've seen in a while. The love those two have for each other is just a sign that love is worth it. But it also acts as a double edged sword. First showing that such love exists and can make your everyday life just fun and worth living, but on the other hand it can also fuel this feeling of someone else having something you want but will never have because you personally don't deserve it. What I feel is that this show came in to my life at the absolutely perfect moment. It came into my life when I was at my lowest. Alone, feeling unloved, hopelessly depressed and wanting a reason to exist. Both Hazbin and Helluva have shown me that change on a personal level is always possible. You are never trapped in being who you think you are or who you have been just because of the people you surrounded yourself with. Redemption is a word that has some very interesting connotations but I believe that it is used perfectly in the Hazbin Hotel pilot. And I think that the main character of Hazbin Hotel just sums it up perfectly "Look, every single one of you have something good deep down inside, I know you do." . And that is one of the things I have always struggled with. My conflicting thoughts of judgment taught by my family and my own thoughts that no one should ever be beyond redemption. But that's the thing about life, nothing is ever black or white, it's all just shades of grey. Anyway that is enough of my rambling for this time.

I'm gonna end this off with two quotes from the show that resonated with me pretty hard.

"Thank you, for... inviting me out tonight. Despite everything that's happened, I... I enjoyed spending time with you."
―Stolas

"I just wanna go home, but home doesn't even feel like home anymore."
―Octavia