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Being diagnosed
a year ago
General
Around may/june this year I started a neurodivergency investigation at the psychiatric clinic I go to. I had been placed on a wait list back in November of last year and finally got to start it in May/June of this year. At the end of august I got the answer. I was diagnosed with ASD (autism spectrum disorder) and ADHD. I have to admit that I was slightly surprised but at the same time I knew what the result was gonna be. They asked me how I felt about receiving the diagnosis and to be quite honest it was a bit of a relief for me. It meant that my entire life I hadn't just been lazy and worthless like I kept telling myself for years. To be quite honest I probably would never have thought about going through the diagnosis process if it wasn't for my amazing partner who suspected that I had ASD due to things I did that they recognized as they themselves have ASD.
While it was a relief to get the diagnosis as it theoretically will make it more manageable at the same time I couldn't help but be a bit angry. Not angry at the diagnosis but angry at the fact that it took me until I was 29 to get diagnosed. I was clearly showing signs of both the autism and adhd when I was a kid in the early 2000's but my parents never caught it and instead just chalked it up to "Oh thats just how they are". I feel like maybe if I had been diagnosed as a kid it would have saved me years and years of torment from teachers and adults getting angry at me for things I couldn't really control. Instead I internalized these things as "bad" parts of me that I had to hide and keep under control and it caused me a lot of stress and made me feel like shit mentally. It made me retreat into myself and become the quiet and shy person I was for a long long time and I guess still actually am to this day.
All of that is why it actually felt like a relief when I got the diagnosis. It meant that I could now find strategies to deal with all the things I do and hopefully help me feel better about myself. And none of it would ever have happened if it wasn't for my absolutely amazingly loving and supporting partner. I'm pretty sure she will read this and if she does then this last part is just for her, Thank you
While it was a relief to get the diagnosis as it theoretically will make it more manageable at the same time I couldn't help but be a bit angry. Not angry at the diagnosis but angry at the fact that it took me until I was 29 to get diagnosed. I was clearly showing signs of both the autism and adhd when I was a kid in the early 2000's but my parents never caught it and instead just chalked it up to "Oh thats just how they are". I feel like maybe if I had been diagnosed as a kid it would have saved me years and years of torment from teachers and adults getting angry at me for things I couldn't really control. Instead I internalized these things as "bad" parts of me that I had to hide and keep under control and it caused me a lot of stress and made me feel like shit mentally. It made me retreat into myself and become the quiet and shy person I was for a long long time and I guess still actually am to this day.
All of that is why it actually felt like a relief when I got the diagnosis. It meant that I could now find strategies to deal with all the things I do and hopefully help me feel better about myself. And none of it would ever have happened if it wasn't for my absolutely amazingly loving and supporting partner. I'm pretty sure she will read this and if she does then this last part is just for her, Thank you
I was formally diagnosed in Highschool.