Now, let me preface this with some knowledge.
I've been a part of this fandom in one way or another; for over two decades. Something close to twenty two years now.
In that time, I've been known by a few names, more than a few looks. From a demon and a fox to the grumbly old Wolf you often see uploaded here.

Some have had my name, wether they started out with it, or ended up taking on the name before it then passed on to another design. other times their name was my name until I settled on something different as I grew.



But as I look back on things, I've been realizing more and more that... I don't think I've ever had what you'd consider a Persona/Fursona in all those years?
What I mean by that, is that I've never had that connection I see other people have with their character that represents 'Them' in a online format.

To me, all they've ever been? Night, Neon, Xanders of various designs, even Grumpy? are just... characters. Sure some of them have aspects of me, but what character doesn't really? By the nature of design, we put a little bit of our own self into what we make. Be it part of the personality, a physical quirk, expression.
But they've never been, never felt like 'me'.. and more so lately that's kind of been bothering me? I can look at every single character I've ever made, wether it's just a side one uses very infrequently, or one like Grumpy who's the kind of 'face' of my account? and I feel no different between them.
Then I see people talking about their 'sonas. How personal they are, how special or meaningful they are to them.. and I just feel like I'm missing something?



"I" am Xander. Name most people know me by in person, it's on my mail, it's what I get called on the phone.

None of my characters, past or present, even when they've shared that name; have felt like me... and I do now know why.
Maybe because even after thirty two years.. I still don't know WHO I am? that I'm still not happy with myself.. so how could I make a character/representation for the world that I am happy with?