This month has been like no other.. A lot of friends have passed away.. Family is sick (Dad's cancer has gotten worse).. I made stupid mistakes with long time friends all because of my own idiocy and the fact that I tend to believe and listen to others before thinking things through rationally myself.. And I've had an overwhelming sense of dread thus far.. Feeling like I'm going to die in my sleep or that my dog Lilly will die...

On top of all of that I feel completely stuck in a shitty apartment ... I am NOT happy here and spend most of my time crying.. I just worry so much about my future and I see it as being nothing but depression and sadness.. That is, If I don't kill myself first...

I don't know what I'm even doing.. Just crying my eyes out as I write some random ass journal at 5 AM with very little sleep due to severe depression.. ...I doubt anyone will read this.. and if you do.. You deserve a gold star or something... heh...

- Vinnie