tldr; i've been given bad medial news, my head is broke, and if you want a refund just contact me the same way you ordered (discord, notes, twitter) and if you are not on my to do list 12-20 to 01-04, i will add you to my weekly friday refund list starting january (I have 2 weeks of no work for the month of december, so i can't really offer that this month) for when i get paid.

The Full Facts and Details

i have been inactive in literally every server on discord i have joined, every art site, and pretty much everything aside from twitter because i have been completely and utterly burnt out. twitter is easy to scream into the void with short, sweet updates and then get back to work dealing with screaming mentally regressed preteens.

my mental health has been at rock bottom since the beginning of the year with only random bursts of mania where i have been well enough to work on anything. i have been near hospitalized several time due to it, and because of it i have not had energy to deal with both children all day long as well as handling doing more work (making it almost a 15+ hour workday) once i get home. there are times where i just fall asleep to avoid dealing with my (as I have been alerted by many people now) rather toxic environment at home.

between my adhd and high functioning autism (which is getting severely worse due to at home instances exacerbating it), i am lucky i can focus. i'm dissociating hours at a time, and at times even behind the wheel while driving which is, obviously, dangerous. it's been a very long run of me trying to get proper help, therapy, and medication where there is none in the area that i live in. the medication i was put on was for depression and not only made said depression worse, it made me violently ill at times to the point i had to speak with administrators to the establishment i was getting said ""help"" from.

my stress from everything has accelerated to the point i am losing my mind at times over the smallest things. the domino effect that falls on me goes from 0 to 100 in a matter of dropping my fork or someone cutting me off on the road. i'm crying almost all the time over the dumbest things. my boyfriend has been the only thing keeping me sane at this point.

i've also had to do repairs to my truck (just yesterday my battery went out completely, a bad battery even and had to be replaced), as well as paying for bills, groceries, and for gas while doing my best to not take any new commissions and only via selling characters and the pay through substitute teaching.

i have also been alerted that come next week i am at a 99.9% chance of being put on insulin. i have no insurance so this is absolutely devastating. as most are aware, pens alone are upwards of 100$+ and vials require refrigeration at all times which, as a substitute teacher, i have nowhere to really put it without being questioned or worse. even then, the worse news is that i have no idea whether it's a pump or pens. it all depends on my A1C results that i also just paid for. it has all been weighing down on me due to the fact i had been ignored with my concerns for years about the fact my blood-sugar would shoot to 500+ for no reason even if all i did was drink water and eat carb and sugar free food (as in food that had no sugars, not sugar substitutes) and my nerve damage was growing worse and worse due to it.

i don't have any excuses for why i haven't completed super old work aside from burnout, pain, and mental exhaustion. i'd get bouts of inspiration of 'oh i like doing this, let's sell as many as i can while i can still do it' and then getting overwhelmed because the hyper focus would leave me within three+ days.

this is why after i finish or refund whatever i owe now, i will no longer be offering commissions. period. it was a very nice run for the last 20+ years, but i have to sit down and evaluate myself as a horrible boss for myself. i have to have someone on me at all times to make sure i work and frankly my family couldn't give a single fuck about me, much less enough to keep on me to make sure i finished work.

here is how it is going to work for refunds for those of you who have been waiting an embarrassingly on me amount of time:
if you wish for a refund, contact me with your paypal via the note you sent. if you contacted me on discord, please message me there. through twitter, message me there too, i have already made this message there myself and why i was reminded today to post here too.
every friday i am paid. december i have 2 weeks of no pay so i can't start this month, but i definitely can come january. this means every week i receive at most about 300$ish dollars. because of this, so long as there are no large holidays that there is no school or school breaks, i will be able to allocate 100-120$ for refunds.
depending on the amount that was ordered, i will be rolling out as many refunds from those set aside amounts at the end of each week to those that i just can not finish or to folks who have contacted me to refund them.

i am deeply sorry for how unprofessional i have been, and worse still that i let my life take over my business to the point it came to this, but at the same time i am glad that i am now working a job where i can simply rely on that as opposed to constantly trying to do something i just can't bring myself to do anymore.

i hate my art now, i hate everything about it and how i have acted and / or been treated in the community. my customers, bless all of you, have been amazing and beautiful and wonderful. there are others that have not and have contributed to my deteriorating health both mentally and physically, and it is no longer safe for me to rely on such things any longer.

if i do open commissions in the very very late future (probably during the summer) it will be 2 orders at a time. with lots of breaks. because i need to draw for me again, i need to learn to love my art and everything once again. i'm exhausted from the massive guilt (very much earned honestly) and self-depreciation that came with it that made it hard for me to do or love anything.

i have already given a few refunds, and i will continue to do so.

PLEASE CONTACT ME VIA THE WAY YOU ORDERED FOR ME TO ADD YOU TO MY LIST WITH THE AMOUNT ORDERED IF YOU WANT A REFUND.
If you are on my to-do list for my vacation break, I will let you know. this is mostly icons or traditional sketchpage orders and, if i am capable, a few waist up orders.