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UPDATE - Close to loosing my SHIT. Comms/Family. UPDATE
4 years ago
So firstly, I have to thanks everyone who commissioned me so far to make this move. I really appreciate it and as much of a strain this whole ordeal has put on me mentally, it was worth it in the end. As of right now, I have 2 Active lists:
FIRST LIST
- Underscore
- Bigwhitewolfballs
- OuroborosTernal
- Attisa
- Hexxia
- BlueRockCandy
2ND LIST
- Kalash
- MagazineImp
- Foxolaurels
- Quinndoesstuff
- Kesik
- Felteres
- FrarfMeister
(If I missed anyone let me know!!) NOW, These comms pretty much paid for the move. Just to move. I also burned through some of my cards to keep up with basic expenses and now that I've been settled, I have to turn around and take more commissions to pay for the following month's expenses.. But I am not taking any new lists. What I am doing are in-stream comms. You guys seen the posts. These comms are finished right then and there so it doesn't create any more 'art debt' and right now, I am playing the "keep up" game. While working on comms in the background, I have to take instreams to subsidize paying rent and all my other bills. I tell you, it is not fun. I am pulling double duty with the work loads.
Doesn't sound too bad right...? How about we throw a fucking wrench into it all. Now my mom is out of a home. Long story short; brother got possession of the house and pretty much 'kicked her out'. So now not only do I have to worry about my own shit but my mom's too. I thought all the STUPID SHIT would end this year. I had HIGH FUCKING HOPES that it would. BUT NO. She can't stay with us, because there is no room and I would be seething for the entirety of her presence here cause it will be a constant reminder that THIS IS MY FAMILY and it will sure as hell make me extremely unproductive. I thought I would have the whole of Nov and Dec to just make a nice cushioning for myself, finish comms owed and really work on my own arts. I had such nice plans... That's all out the fucking window now.
December is booked full of comm work. Half of Jan is gone, cause I have to make that trip back to Ohio to set my mom up so she can stay there for at LEAST the year. So lucky I had something left in place that I could use. She won't be able to work for those couple months so she'll be dependent on me. I fucking hate all of it. HAAATE IT. These mutherfuckers don't EVER THINK about anyone else BUT THEMSELVES and I AM THE ASSHOLE whenever I say NO. I'm not even going to do Christmas this year. Family wanted me to 'drive' 4 hours to 'spend the holiday' with them and with how things the way they are now. I am in ZERO mood for this false happiness and games of pretend. I would only RUIN it for everyone.
I can't even end this rant.... I still got the rest of December and Mid Jan to DEAL with this shit. I am CURRENTLY SWIMMING in this shit soup and I don't want to fucking drown, so please guys. Have some patience while I deal with all of this and TRY to find some personal days where I can say "FUCK IT" and NOT DO ANYTHING or I'll burn myself out and I start hating the very thing I love doing. Trust me, it's okay to ask about the current status of your commission. I have no problem giving updates. Just the drive is teetering and progress is going to be slow cause of the EXTRA stress I have to deal with now. Please remember, it's not a 9-5 job to us. It's 24-7. We don't 'clock' out at a certain time so I HAVE to force myself to take time off or I will lose my shit.
In the mean time while I fucking man handle these issues with work and family, I'm gonna play shitty overwatch, watch movies while I work and try to roll for ITTO AGAIN, CAUSE I GOT DUMBASS DILUC! (But mostly working though.... ) Thanks for hearing me out~
FIRST LIST
- Underscore
- Bigwhitewolfballs
- OuroborosTernal
- Attisa
- Hexxia
- BlueRockCandy
2ND LIST
- Kalash
- MagazineImp
- Foxolaurels
- Quinndoesstuff
- Kesik
- Felteres
- FrarfMeister
(If I missed anyone let me know!!) NOW, These comms pretty much paid for the move. Just to move. I also burned through some of my cards to keep up with basic expenses and now that I've been settled, I have to turn around and take more commissions to pay for the following month's expenses.. But I am not taking any new lists. What I am doing are in-stream comms. You guys seen the posts. These comms are finished right then and there so it doesn't create any more 'art debt' and right now, I am playing the "keep up" game. While working on comms in the background, I have to take instreams to subsidize paying rent and all my other bills. I tell you, it is not fun. I am pulling double duty with the work loads.
Doesn't sound too bad right...? How about we throw a fucking wrench into it all. Now my mom is out of a home. Long story short; brother got possession of the house and pretty much 'kicked her out'. So now not only do I have to worry about my own shit but my mom's too. I thought all the STUPID SHIT would end this year. I had HIGH FUCKING HOPES that it would. BUT NO. She can't stay with us, because there is no room and I would be seething for the entirety of her presence here cause it will be a constant reminder that THIS IS MY FAMILY and it will sure as hell make me extremely unproductive. I thought I would have the whole of Nov and Dec to just make a nice cushioning for myself, finish comms owed and really work on my own arts. I had such nice plans... That's all out the fucking window now.
December is booked full of comm work. Half of Jan is gone, cause I have to make that trip back to Ohio to set my mom up so she can stay there for at LEAST the year. So lucky I had something left in place that I could use. She won't be able to work for those couple months so she'll be dependent on me. I fucking hate all of it. HAAATE IT. These mutherfuckers don't EVER THINK about anyone else BUT THEMSELVES and I AM THE ASSHOLE whenever I say NO. I'm not even going to do Christmas this year. Family wanted me to 'drive' 4 hours to 'spend the holiday' with them and with how things the way they are now. I am in ZERO mood for this false happiness and games of pretend. I would only RUIN it for everyone.
I can't even end this rant.... I still got the rest of December and Mid Jan to DEAL with this shit. I am CURRENTLY SWIMMING in this shit soup and I don't want to fucking drown, so please guys. Have some patience while I deal with all of this and TRY to find some personal days where I can say "FUCK IT" and NOT DO ANYTHING or I'll burn myself out and I start hating the very thing I love doing. Trust me, it's okay to ask about the current status of your commission. I have no problem giving updates. Just the drive is teetering and progress is going to be slow cause of the EXTRA stress I have to deal with now. Please remember, it's not a 9-5 job to us. It's 24-7. We don't 'clock' out at a certain time so I HAVE to force myself to take time off or I will lose my shit.
In the mean time while I fucking man handle these issues with work and family, I'm gonna play shitty overwatch, watch movies while I work and try to roll for ITTO AGAIN, CAUSE I GOT DUMBASS DILUC! (But mostly working though.... ) Thanks for hearing me out~
Perhaps posting a paypal.me link or possibly a ko-fi link so some generous souls can help you out a little?
For what it's worth, as one of the folks on your comm list, don't stress too much about mine. ;v; I ain't gonna be hounding you, I know life is unpredictable and can be hellish. You focus on you and getting yourself as situated as you can duder.
I hope things start to clear up for you. You deserve the biggest break.
Personally if family was causing THAT much of an issue being over all toxic and a overwhelming burden I would cut my loses and sever ties and not look back. But thats me.
I wish you luck on all of this, it seems so stressful. I wish I could yeet the burdens away and into the sun, so you could chill and relax c:
You don't have to put up with their stuff, you don't have to try to pull them afloat when you are barely making it yourself alone.
They are NOT your responsibility and you are NOT in the wrong if you chose yourself and your wellbeing over theirs.
Only you can choose between you and them.
You don't have to carry other people's baggage. YOU choose to do so and only you can choose when to stop. ;m;)9
I understand it is a very hard choice to make since they're your family... Best of lucks.