So I think I have a form of "Aphantasia," "a phenomenon in which people are unable to visualize imagery. While most people are able to conjure an image of a scene or face in their minds, people with Aphantasia cannot." I heard about it on an episode of Distractable with Markiplier, Bob and Wade. They were discussing it at one point because I believe Bob said he has it. I think I have a form of it, not quite as intense as the way Bob described it, but I often find myself unable to dream at night, but not totally unable to (I do have dreams from time to time).

The main reason I think I have it is because I massively struggle with trying to draw something strictly from memory. If I do not have a reference nearby, I find it almost impossible to get a clear image in my head of how something should look. This may perhaps be due to a lack of practice, experience or skills, however, but I find it relatively easy and somewhat relaxing to draw with a reference. Pretty much all the artwork in my gallery was done with some form of reference nearby.

Something else that may be triggering this phenomenon is a nerve condition I have called "Allodynia," which basically is a condition in which my brain has issues interpreting the signals from my body, and instead intensifies them more-so than normal people. This leads to a variety of symptoms, from "things hurting that should not (such as clapping, or washing my hands)" to "things that do hurt, hurt WAY more." In addition, it messes with my inner-ear function and makes it very easy for me to lose my balance, especially if I am standing still (I have to sway back and forth to keep my balance, weirdly). It's NOT NORMAL!

So, because of this, I am almost always experiencing some kind of pain, somewhere. It makes me wonder if I have an issue detaching my consciousness from my body long enough to get it to do anything else (such as get a clear mental picture of something, or fucking dream). I don't know, it all just sucks :C