Finally feeling like I just might be past covid, and starting off the new year with a little more attitude and being frank with folks! ^.=.^ For a long time in the past, my shyness and willingness to kinda take the blame, or fall for folks hasn't been great, and I've left a lot of things stay in limbo for a long while. And most of the last year, that really started to catch up with me more, as well as the year prior. It's damaged my self confidence, my mood, my disposition and even my ability to trust at times. The worry that standing up for things which I do deserve, coming off selfish, or possibly even just inconveniencing folks, preventing me from actually having the confidence to push on it or speak, has been a major problem.

It was made quite worse a long time ago, due to trying for a long time to be there for some whom I cared for and still do, that would call me scum, or other such things, and take out their anger, frustration, paranoia, or simply use me to their ends.... and while I still know there's good in those folks, I also couldn't keep up with the painful experience of having my heart torn out over and over, hoping to seek help or solace, or just to understand from other friends... but, not willing most times to actually tell everything of what occured since i didn't want to damage anyone's reputation. But, some likelly grew weary of hearing about it from me, and yet i was returning to the same person regardless after, and very often convinced myself I was to blame. which i was to a degree, for how i kept going back for so long. I do know that posting this, might anger or even upset such folks, And I apologize if it does. It is not my intention to call out anyone, or the like. But, if those involved do see this, I want you to know that I forgive those involved.

I won't detail it all here, and wish to keep the anonymity of those involved after all. But, I do hope to recover and get back to being better with folks, more social, hopeful and further trusting again. I do not know if rumors or the like where ever spread for sure, beyond some things that came up and had me quite worried some time ago. But i do hope people would meet me first before giving weight to any if they even exist ^.=.^

To those whom I've seemed more distant too the last years, or even maybe cold, I wish to apologize, though it's possible I only feel I have been such as well. Even now, the fear of what might come from me speaking out, looms over me. the possibilities and so on, threaten to stifle me. But, with my new years resolution of not restricting myself, I will try to keep on. I know these years in quarantine have been really hard and difficult for many, and a lot of things have occured. So much so, that rather than mention what might be bothering me at times, or actually speaking out, I have repressed and bottled up many things. steadily convincing myself that my issues have no weight, and thusly, where not important. which obviously isn't too mentally healthy, heh.

I have met many awesome, amazing, caring and patient people through this site, and I do wish I could help everyone equally, but, I'm just one dragon, and I doubt myself sometimes. I still will keep trying to be my best, even when I falter. And i hope that any mistakes i may make, can be rectified and forgiven.

A happy new year to everyone, even if thigs... aren't so happy for many. I do pray that we all can still hope for things to improve together going forward, no matter how bleak or awful something can be in the heat of the moment. Take care and stay safe~.