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Been thinking quiting....
4 years ago
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i know this is too sudden and surprise to be discussed.... it's been 12 years +, yet i have dedicated, improved my art and gone so far.... been interested on Furries early 2009, my dream becoming an artist and work on a big company that pays well? it's too exaggerated... the fact that i must face all anxiety of life, start from thinking about my work, haven't date anyone for entire life (haven't found anyone who have same interest), i feel lonely to be honest. I tried my best to keep my self happy. But the truth i can't. all dream and hope shattered, like the world give a damn about fate. It's just survival now.
Funny, how i remember start having interest on Furry, it's all started from searching a new interest and community on online with foreigners, then unexpectedly i found a piece of art seems animal-human like, which i called it humanoid/anthromorph, because of this guy's artwork ---->
wolfjedisamuel that son of a wolf got me well back in 2011. Well Done Sam you got me interested on the community *claps*. A trap that you set to become your minion in early days....
As the time flows i jump into deeper zone and having bigger interest on the community. Heck i had a dream back then to unite all furries by starting to draw all famous Furries for them to unite and know each other, was thinking to be acknowledge by those people... guess i expect too much and just realized a few years ago that they are divided, can't or almost impossible to be unite and they don't give a fuck, life sometimes cruel. I got triggered, that's when i began to improving my artwork more and more. inside i scream "Acknowledge me!". but it seems the easier way to be acknowledge in internet through NSFW art, which i'm not really into it, nor very good with it when drawing. Thus my life sucks after not able to choose... parent forced me to go to college with a management subject, while i was dreaming to get into art college. and there we go... after 6 years struggle of surviving in college, i become nothing.... just a mindless worker in a company that is boring... can't find happiness of life.... i try to show my CV to company that asking for designer, but then they expecting high quality, such as can animate, can use 3d blender, or at least have a background from art college... damn it's really a turn down for me as i was expecting to learn those software in art college, but here i am learned about management that i really not into it and wasting time on games for turning down my stress/anxiety/boring side. boy who knows life could be so "dragging" huh?
Funny, how i remember start having interest on Furry, it's all started from searching a new interest and community on online with foreigners, then unexpectedly i found a piece of art seems animal-human like, which i called it humanoid/anthromorph, because of this guy's artwork ---->
wolfjedisamuel that son of a wolf got me well back in 2011. Well Done Sam you got me interested on the community *claps*. A trap that you set to become your minion in early days....As the time flows i jump into deeper zone and having bigger interest on the community. Heck i had a dream back then to unite all furries by starting to draw all famous Furries for them to unite and know each other, was thinking to be acknowledge by those people... guess i expect too much and just realized a few years ago that they are divided, can't or almost impossible to be unite and they don't give a fuck, life sometimes cruel. I got triggered, that's when i began to improving my artwork more and more. inside i scream "Acknowledge me!". but it seems the easier way to be acknowledge in internet through NSFW art, which i'm not really into it, nor very good with it when drawing. Thus my life sucks after not able to choose... parent forced me to go to college with a management subject, while i was dreaming to get into art college. and there we go... after 6 years struggle of surviving in college, i become nothing.... just a mindless worker in a company that is boring... can't find happiness of life.... i try to show my CV to company that asking for designer, but then they expecting high quality, such as can animate, can use 3d blender, or at least have a background from art college... damn it's really a turn down for me as i was expecting to learn those software in art college, but here i am learned about management that i really not into it and wasting time on games for turning down my stress/anxiety/boring side. boy who knows life could be so "dragging" huh?
Life... Usually doesn't go as planned. I wanted to be doing something different with my life and career, and even though it pays the bills I wouldn't mind a change. Depending on your resume, financial situation, family and friends' circle, wants, etc. But it's a personal decision with several factors
Secondly, you come first, the art and the furry community second. I love your art, and I think the community has some awesome peeps within, but if it's harmful to you or other goals in life then taking a break or quitting might be helpful.
I wish you the best, take care.
Unfortunately, you are right when it comes to uniting people; they're too divided and only care for themselves most of the time. Nothing wrong with self-perseverance, but I feel they lose a little bit of what a community can be at times.
I'm sorry to hear that you're now taking a course which doesn't align with your interest, it definitely feels defeating to study away from your passion and go towards something you just have no interest with. I know it's a lot to do, and I'm making it sound easier said than done, but there can be a chance you can work on your own artistic liberties on the side. It may not be looking good at this point in time, but who knows! It may change for the better in the future.
Until then, take care and stay strong, we're here to support you as best as we can!
Those were good times, had fun with you, and I truly appreciate your friendship and generosity back then. I only regret I wish I had repaid you back for all those times. But what you went through, and what you feel right now, is pretty much what set me back.
So I can tell you I truly know how you feel. The doubt, the frustrations, the worries... Don't let it get to you.
First off, the level of improvement you've made since 2011 - 2020's is astonishing. I envy you for that.
You achieved an amazing thing, talent wise.
Now your goals, agree, ambitious, but none the less, noble. And I commend you.
But don't let it get you down.
I tried to be a man of the people once, bring good and joy to other and hope for the best. I bitterly realized, life doesn't always work that way. And even now, when I think I can trust someone, I find myself wronged.
It's frustrating, I know. But learn from it, and try not to dwell on the sorrow.
Do what makes you feel good, not what others expect from you. If NSFW isn't your thing (even thought you're impeccable at it) then stand by your principals. Don't give in to click-bate and cheap tricks. I've seen too many artist and commissioners give in to "Easy fame". And I lose more respect for them than artist who stand by their gut.
Find different outlets to enjoy yourself.
I buy, I watch, I go out... Anything to get your mind off of the overwhelming thoughts. Sometimes you just gotta say "fuck it" and let go of the troubles burdening you.
Overthinking will screw you up. So try to clear your mind.
But above all, take one step at a time.
That job you long for, start small, start somewhere. That's the first step.
Love life...don't think about it too much. I've felt that too, thought about the fear of being on my own, but you know, I just tell myself, "focus on the now, on what I have to do today"
Love may come along, job is there for the picking...Just gotta have patience, and determination. Don't give up.
You're a talented man, and a fantastic friend. I'm honored to call you a friend.
And I know your talent and good will till take you somewhere.
But, whatever decision you make, we're here to support you and to respect that.
Hang in there and take care
Everything will be alright.
Your art is just fine. Don't worry about trying to get in with the top artists. Though some are really nice people, then there are some who's egos outgrew themselves years back. Still to this day many of them cannot support themselves on what they bring in on commissions.
Sorry my comment is scatterbrained but it's late here. Most who commented on this said it better.
When I go to cons I go to see friends I know from various places. I rarely make it down to the convention floor. I spend the majority of the time in room parties, going out for dinners and things outside the programming. That what I do make my way to is usually dances and shows. The main places I don't go is to GOH functions, any programming that feeds egos, or the artist alley. When you do go, be there for something that you consider fun. Other things will come in time.