Hi.

2022 is only barely into its second month and it already sucks.

But no, y'all probably want the tea. Well, call me the Sons of Liberty, because I've got a lot to spill. Being a teacher in 2022 has to be one of the most thankless jobs I can think of today. It is not a profession for people who are serious about educating children anymore, and so the only people that actually want to be teachers are woefully naive or idealistic about what it's actually like (see me, circa 2019) political extremists (I've seen them of both stripes, both of them are fucking worthless), people who don't have anything better going for them, or retired teachers who are unable to enjoy their retirement and are thus going back to the only thing they know.

None of them are the type of people that are properly equipped to deal with the Herculean task of undoing the damage online teaching has done to these children. A lot of my students are just broken, and I'm not trained to help them with the disconnect. I've never seen kids act like this. For context, I personally teach 6th graders, and there are things I probably legally can't write on this journal because they're going to be part of sexual harassment investigations. But the things I can share include sadly usual behavior, only heightened: bullying, fighting, suicide threats, and mental breakdowns. And problems part of the current year: students making instagram pages objectifying teachers (including me), doxxing teachers (including me), false accusations of racism and inappropriate behavior (not me) and harassing teachers outside of school (thankfully not me.) The kicker is, none of these kids are expelled. Expulsions reflect poorly on the school, you see. Or, in one case, the child has a parent with school board connections.

Then there are my fellow teachers. I've watched five Middle School teachers crash and burn; one lost his goddamn mind and attacked another teacher, three just straight up quit in the middle of the year, willing to pay the $5000 fine of breaking their contracts, and another one, just today, doing something I really can't share because it is, again, part of a sexual harassment investigation.

The job is shit, and worst of all, the administration is fucking useless when it's not actively being antagonistic to its own staff, and they don't fucking care about the kids. They say they do- that they will do whatever it takes to help the kids- usually when they're inconveniencing their own teachers. They will pile on our work, they will demand we come in on weekends, stay late, and change our lesson plans, all for the student's sake, and yet my Principal will boast about his ability to tell people exactly how much money each student brings into the school, and then cancel whole classes, not for the students' sake, but to avoid making them take exams knowing some will fail, so the school's reputation is not damaged. They also refuse to discipline the students or even make the effort of holding an assembly to bring them to task for their awful behavior, because they've deemed them "ineffective." Not that they've ever tried to test that theory.

It's such a monstrous parody I have, several times, considered turning my experiences into a script for an ABC sitcom, but more and more it feels like a particularly dark and bitter episode of South Park.

Of course, many of you will recognize that February last year was a particularly grim time for me; I lost my best friend Conner around this time, and yes, I'm sure that's not helping my mood, but I know I'm not the only one who that weighs heavily on, so it's a small factor. This started out as a way to explain my continued delay with my commissions, but everything just came tumbling out. I hate what this is doing to me. I feel myself becoming more irritable, bitter, and tired. I have less energy. I have trouble remembering things and keeping up my daily routine. I want so desperately to be free, and I fear what I'm going to be like in May.

Naturally, some of you may wonder why I'm even still at this school. Good question. Very good fucking question. First, I'm under contract- I leave, they charge me $5000 and quite possibly blackmail me in the county. Second, at the end of the school year, my contract stipulates I still get paid through August if I see the year through- three months, full paid vacation. It would be extremely useful in helping me get on my feet as a full time writer. Plus, a steady paycheck for the next six months means I can save up a considerable amount.

But can I make it? God I hope so.

That's all for now. I will try. I promise. I'm working on a commission right now, but I'm just barely getting Patreon out the door. I thank you all for your patience and understanding, and as usual, if you have any questions, comments, or concerns, please feel free to DM me.

Thank you and God bless,
-Renard