After being cut off for two weeks from any contact with my family, I got back to read an email from my parents telling me that our Border Collie Chanel had to be put to sleep after they found a large tumour in her uterus. I feel like everything sucks right now, and sucks bad. I'm from the Netherlands, and currently I'm in the Philippines for an internship. It feels like I'm a million miles from home. My whole family is grieving, but I can't help but feel jealous of my parents and brother and sister for being able to stay with her until the end and say goodbye. She was one of my best friends for the past 12,5 years, and I really, really wish I could have said goodbye as well. I remember telling her that she still had to be there when I got back (around the second half of March next year), I guess I had a hunch. I feel I'm cut off from everyone and I don't really have someone to share my grief with. Everyone is halfway across the world away from me. I don't really know anyone on FA that well, and I don't have many watchers, but talking about this in whatever way possible seems to help a little bit. I'm doing something I have always dreamt of doing, working with a project trying to save a critically endangered species, and until this morning I was loving every minute of it. Right now, the thought that she won't be there to greet me when I go back takes all the joy out of everything. I thank you for 12,5 amazing years of friendship and many great memories Chanel, and I hope you are at peace now. Wherever you are.