Weird mental health situation. This isn't a call for help haha, just, an observation. As my depression gets worse, as things get worse, I'm hanging in as best as I can. No matter what I am told, I feel so lonely, then I feel awful for feeling lonely. I'm socially awkward so I tend feel uncomfortable in larger groups. My friends aren't my therapists, so many of them are going through shit, hell, I was gonna message a close friend of mine that I was down all day but, he's been having a great week and I didn't want to burden him. At the end of the day, if my dad does pass away, where would I go? I think that I'd be to busy maintaining my house and keeping my mother sane to worry about me. I need to learn to drive, I've been trying but, no one truly realizes what I've had to do on my own. My GED, anything that I know about IT, my job, all myself, but now I'm in a place where I can't do it alone. My dad cannot teach me how to drive cause of how sick he is. I was told that I wasn't trying hard enough, I guess having my fear of "Not trying hard enough" confirmed by a friend stung more than I thought that it would. I go day by day, go to work, then do what ever for the rest of my day, not feeling fulfilled or at peace. And as my friends move on with their lives I feel like I'm being left behind, stuck in a rut of my own making, terrified of the future and so, fucking scared to even wake up the next day. I'm stuck, with no way out, no matter how hard I try.

Everyone has it worse, I feel like I've made this bed, and now I have to lay in it and stop being so melodramatic. I'm attention starved, so much so that simple things like just, being messaged means so much to me. I truly feel pathetic.