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Another year I suppose.
3 years ago
Well, wow. It has been a journey from August to today really. (Long rant ahead, skip to the question at the end if you don't want to read)
Last year I had started a new job I had hoped would have solved my problems. I did not want money, but a career where I could take a breath and focus on the things around me. The house purchase was messy and the seller (and my realtor) was an absolute snake (not the species) which added to a super stressful year. Getting furniture has been a challenge. So I really had hoped my job would calm down and get into the seasonal low I was told about.
Well then I was told there was no such thing. My job began increasing in its workload beyond what other staff had experienced, and being new I felt lost and unable to cope with the workload. I had to make the decision to opt back into my previous job without the feature that drove me crazy. At least the pay is the same and the overtime unlimited here, no more unpaid overtime for me. It was a hard decision, but I needed to sleep at night and I was not going to go through another experience where I was kept awake at night by panic attacks. I had a couple furry friends out of the blue tell me they were suicidal... which definitely hurt me as well. I had to take some time to myself to really get my things in order. And then I had a bud who I trusted that year, but earlier this year that friendship shattered and that was hard on me. Looking back... they were probably trying to use me for money. Which you know hurts.... but I'll get over it. The news about the convoy here really disturbed me, there is a growing disrespect for the rule of law here... and then another war in Europe made me feel tremendous guilt that such a thing was happening again, this time in my generation. I was not really able to take a leave until now, and taking more than a week off to deal with burnout has been a godsend. Now I can do paid overtime at least!
But to be honest with whoever reads this, part of me wonders if it is time to move on from this thing here. I feel distant from the people I knew as friends on the furry side of things... and I feel like talking to people has really changed over the past couple of years. I do not feel like I belong in this world. I keep ignoring Bumble and sometimes even texts from co-workers because I wanted to prioritize friends who were queer friendly and all that but... I don't know. I have no idea what I'm doing. This isn't productive here, I feel like I am dealing with the mental health problems of others which is severe and in turn this is slowly strangling me. I did make promises to people to get art with their characters though, so perhaps I'll do that before going on a different path.
Rant over. Should I do something different than cards this summer? If so, what should I do?
Last year I had started a new job I had hoped would have solved my problems. I did not want money, but a career where I could take a breath and focus on the things around me. The house purchase was messy and the seller (and my realtor) was an absolute snake (not the species) which added to a super stressful year. Getting furniture has been a challenge. So I really had hoped my job would calm down and get into the seasonal low I was told about.
Well then I was told there was no such thing. My job began increasing in its workload beyond what other staff had experienced, and being new I felt lost and unable to cope with the workload. I had to make the decision to opt back into my previous job without the feature that drove me crazy. At least the pay is the same and the overtime unlimited here, no more unpaid overtime for me. It was a hard decision, but I needed to sleep at night and I was not going to go through another experience where I was kept awake at night by panic attacks. I had a couple furry friends out of the blue tell me they were suicidal... which definitely hurt me as well. I had to take some time to myself to really get my things in order. And then I had a bud who I trusted that year, but earlier this year that friendship shattered and that was hard on me. Looking back... they were probably trying to use me for money. Which you know hurts.... but I'll get over it. The news about the convoy here really disturbed me, there is a growing disrespect for the rule of law here... and then another war in Europe made me feel tremendous guilt that such a thing was happening again, this time in my generation. I was not really able to take a leave until now, and taking more than a week off to deal with burnout has been a godsend. Now I can do paid overtime at least!
But to be honest with whoever reads this, part of me wonders if it is time to move on from this thing here. I feel distant from the people I knew as friends on the furry side of things... and I feel like talking to people has really changed over the past couple of years. I do not feel like I belong in this world. I keep ignoring Bumble and sometimes even texts from co-workers because I wanted to prioritize friends who were queer friendly and all that but... I don't know. I have no idea what I'm doing. This isn't productive here, I feel like I am dealing with the mental health problems of others which is severe and in turn this is slowly strangling me. I did make promises to people to get art with their characters though, so perhaps I'll do that before going on a different path.
Rant over. Should I do something different than cards this summer? If so, what should I do?
I think for this summer, I would probably do something that would feel more satisfying, if you have any hobbies, or perhaps take up a new one. There is also things like D&D if you are into that. Even writing can be a very good mental stress reliever. I just hope you get to feeling better.