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How do I cope with this
3 years ago
This song I would recommend to listen while reading this→[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8fW4raUopI]
Hello everyone this is Zezku,
A Lot has changed and it has taken me 2 years to get my thoughts on my personal views and experiences with Furea, I would’ve known him for 10 years now, but something just happened during 2018 that just lowered my respect for him to the point that I really didn’t want to deal with his toxicity, or what felt like it, on the ‘friendship’ or whatever we called ourselves back then. Let me take you back to 2012 on how this friendship I thought was going to be great, went south years after.
2012:
It’s 1 year into my roleplay life and I was working on making friends, and keeping myself safe since I was just turning 20 that year and I made a few friends. I met Furea back when he was known as Orion Umbreon, and we were still getting to know each other; granted I kept a lot of my personal stuff out of reach seeing that trusting a person on the internet wasn’t a good idea. Though he was quiet during the majority of the time we talked, we started to get to know what kind of games we enjoy and only found some common ground in Terraria at first, with more games to follow. During this time and a few months in 2013 I was working at Autozone Distribution Center for my first job.
2013:
I would say 6 months after chatting with him; we were already making some progress, though I was already seeing some of his mood swings coming to the surface more than my attitude; granted he was more open with his feelings saying that he was always feeling betrayed with the friends he made or was picked on in school (granted during our school life, Elementary to High School, some of us were picked on because of the way we were), he also stated that he dropped out due to reasons (go ask him if you are really curious). During this time for me, I was already working and such, meaning I was making money to buy the games or pokemon plushies at the time, though not much went on during this year; but heated turmoil was already in the works with some people I became friends with during this time.
2014:
It’s 2014, I was still working at Pizza Hut and slowly growing a youtube channel during this time, and our first Terraria collab before the launch of 1.2 was doing ok. And yet came a drama spat that I was caught in the crossfire between Darkfire and her boyfriend (with some friends that I enjoyed talking to) and Furea and another that I will say, let’s just say I was blocked and hated by the ones that didn’t like Furea, though it did hurt me that i lost a good 8 friends for the next few years and I was very angry about this, seeing I did nothing wrong; just bad timing. During this year Starbound entered Beta and RoboCraft was launched this time as well and we both played these games, and it’s here I heard these words from him “you got to come to me if you want to play”. At first I was ‘okay?’ don’t we all want to play games even though i may be busy with working at pizza hut and doing other things with xbox friends at the time, granted this was back in the days of Skype and Teamspeak for me, Discord wasn’t out yet; not for another 2 years. Destiny 1 launched in this year, slowly stopped playing this game series till Destiny 2.
2015:
This year was when I started to become a bit more active on twitch with the launch of Titanfall 1, Destiny (abit), and StarCraft II; though Halo 5 Guardians was launching this year as well since Halo 4 launched 3 years prior and Halo MCC launched during 2014, let’s just say I was very excited still. During this time I was getting better at Dark Souls, but I still did a lot of stupid stuff that was either funny or just bad. During this time I made some new friends when I found Streetdragon95’s artwork on a feed and was quickly accepted into a community. These new friends were, and still to this day, very friendly; and this was during this year that Furea was already getting a bit depressed mood swing again and I really could tell and was picking up on it due to our conversation with the latest thing in Robocraft before that game started to go downhill with its developers, I left him alone since he initiated the block first, and didn’t message me back until December of that year.
2016:
Became Shift Manager at Pizza hut year and visited my first girlfriend. Stress wasn’t in my favor when working in the food business; but a job was a job, and I had to cope with what was thrown at me despite my attitude being tested everyday with customers. During this year I invited Furea to meet the peeps from SD95’s skype group and while I was at work, some drama was caused and I didn’t know about it till I got home; funny how he got very sensitive from a person called TheModerator that likes to throw some jokes and he knows its not to hurt, he was just messing around. He threw some jokes at me, but years in early school and still playing with the Halo friends (these guys threw a lot of jokes at me), I managed. Discord launched this year so I was all over getting it since it was better than Skype and Teamspeak and it took Furea a year to join since we were still using skype at the time. More Terraria collab was done during this time with the launch of 1.3 of the game and Starbound was launched out of beta this year, and Robocraft went downhill even more to the point where we slowly stopped playing the game for a few years. During this year Titanfall 2 was launching and I played it day 1, and it was my enjoyment for years. Started playing World of Warships in late 2016. Did at least try to play World of Tanks, but quickly failed at it due to mechanics.
2017:
Destiny 2 launched this year and has been my main game playing, even now. All of my friends were now on Discord and I was already a few servers at the time, so it didn't bother me at the latest. It was also during this years that I was preoccupied with my own setup with Video pad Editor (new video editing software), getting a capture card for consoles, and slowly upgrade to a better pc, that my time with Furea was just a few chats here and there; it didn’t bother us in the least we had our own lives outside of what we had common ground on. It was during this year that I was on and off Warframe, still not my kind of game even though I like 3rd person shooter games. Started working at Walmart this year, a better job than pizza hut. During this time I started playing World of Warships more and more since Furea didn’t want to play this game with me because of teams and such.
2018:
This was the turning point of my friendship with Furea, I invited him again to SD95’s discord server, and this time it turned into another drama fight while I was at work; yet again, really no surprise there for me, all because he acted with another person that does go through some depression the same way he does and it ticked a box with that person and he ‘felt’ that he was ganged up on because of something he did; okay this was a big thing for me because the Darkfire and Shad drama incident was already over at this point. With that drama over that lasted for a good 4 to 5 years, I was already getting a bit annoyed at the way Furea was acting and felt that he was using ‘our’ friendship as a trump card or something at the time and I started to see the toxicity from him and seeing more of his depression mood swings in which I was starting to get more and more agitated.
2019:
The turning point of ‘our’ communication. I was spending less time with him already in a 2nd relationship, living in an apartment since the end of 2018, and started working in construction (still working till this day); so I have little time for a person that dropped out of highschool and refuses to get a job because having money or earning money lets you buy the things you would like to get your hand on and become a functioning adult. A revamp of the Destiny 2 clan was going on at the time and Beyond Light in the game was a year away and during this time clan drama was unfolding and it was becoming unhealthy for the clan leader (halo friend) at the time due things. Now during this time, Destiny 2 was already going free to play with the launch of Shadowkeep’s expansion and I was already streaming the game more, as well as streaming World of Warships, Titanfall 2, and StarCraft II; I was already getting to the point that he kept interrupting me while i was streaming [https://www.twitch.tv/videos/461967681 ] ←(watch the clip, be wary people; I am a raging person with stuff like this) and it was like close to midnight on this day and I was already tired of playing a lot of Gambit, so yea a 6 hour stream. He apologized the next day, but I didn’t want to talk for a few seeing that he wasn’t giving me respect and I was giving him respect for the past 7 years.
2020:
Covid-19 in full swing, what else is there to say about this. Terraria 1.4, the biggest update and my last collaboration with Furea. It was getting frustrating for me to actually keep up dealing with his drama shit for 8 years. After Terraria 1.4 playthrough ended in July of this year; I started to just let go of the ‘friendship’ we had because it was just turning toxic at this point; he rarely wanted to play Stellaris which i got the game to play with him and some of his friends, they played more Tabletop during the hours I would be going to bed, he would wake up at hours when I am at work (which was nothing new), and I would only be available on weekends to play games; but this was already showing that he didn’t care. During mid August he started to take notice and started to ask why, claiming that he alone helped with me on setting up my twitch page and youtube page (which is bullshit because I went out of my way to help him set up his twitch for streaming), and during this year I really didn’t have my thoughts ready; I was just done with his bullshit.
2021:
1 year after not talking to him has started to heal what I started to go through with him, though it was during this time that 8 months after we stopped talking that he posted a video claiming that I “betrayed him”. Let me be clear about betrayal: if I want to betray someone that I spent 8 years with, that should’ve been great instead of turning into a toxic friendship, which I never saved any of our time together.
And now present day (2022):
2 years are about to pass and my thoughts on this matter are just annoying and it irritates me. My initial thought was to have a video, but it wouldn’t convey all my thoughts on the matter, I felt like a journal would do. I have spoken to my rp sis on the matter with my thoughts and she understands that it was a bad friendship, we all have those. It’s a matter of moving on from them, instead of staying in the past to grovel on what things would’ve been or how it should’ve been. I kept a lot of my personal emotions out of conversations, because I have minor Autism, or ADHD, and yet I don’t let that get to me. I don’t take medication for this, I was never in any Special Ed classes for this in school, even though I am Autistic, I was still able to function like a regular teenager, I just excelled in better places than others. I am still working in construction, I am a hard working adult that has to make ends meet on just paying bills and such. I have a black cat named Cynder that I love. I am done ranting, this has lifted a big burden off my chest.
Until next time,
Zezku the Gaming Celesteon
Hello everyone this is Zezku,
A Lot has changed and it has taken me 2 years to get my thoughts on my personal views and experiences with Furea, I would’ve known him for 10 years now, but something just happened during 2018 that just lowered my respect for him to the point that I really didn’t want to deal with his toxicity, or what felt like it, on the ‘friendship’ or whatever we called ourselves back then. Let me take you back to 2012 on how this friendship I thought was going to be great, went south years after.
2012:
It’s 1 year into my roleplay life and I was working on making friends, and keeping myself safe since I was just turning 20 that year and I made a few friends. I met Furea back when he was known as Orion Umbreon, and we were still getting to know each other; granted I kept a lot of my personal stuff out of reach seeing that trusting a person on the internet wasn’t a good idea. Though he was quiet during the majority of the time we talked, we started to get to know what kind of games we enjoy and only found some common ground in Terraria at first, with more games to follow. During this time and a few months in 2013 I was working at Autozone Distribution Center for my first job.
2013:
I would say 6 months after chatting with him; we were already making some progress, though I was already seeing some of his mood swings coming to the surface more than my attitude; granted he was more open with his feelings saying that he was always feeling betrayed with the friends he made or was picked on in school (granted during our school life, Elementary to High School, some of us were picked on because of the way we were), he also stated that he dropped out due to reasons (go ask him if you are really curious). During this time for me, I was already working and such, meaning I was making money to buy the games or pokemon plushies at the time, though not much went on during this year; but heated turmoil was already in the works with some people I became friends with during this time.
2014:
It’s 2014, I was still working at Pizza Hut and slowly growing a youtube channel during this time, and our first Terraria collab before the launch of 1.2 was doing ok. And yet came a drama spat that I was caught in the crossfire between Darkfire and her boyfriend (with some friends that I enjoyed talking to) and Furea and another that I will say, let’s just say I was blocked and hated by the ones that didn’t like Furea, though it did hurt me that i lost a good 8 friends for the next few years and I was very angry about this, seeing I did nothing wrong; just bad timing. During this year Starbound entered Beta and RoboCraft was launched this time as well and we both played these games, and it’s here I heard these words from him “you got to come to me if you want to play”. At first I was ‘okay?’ don’t we all want to play games even though i may be busy with working at pizza hut and doing other things with xbox friends at the time, granted this was back in the days of Skype and Teamspeak for me, Discord wasn’t out yet; not for another 2 years. Destiny 1 launched in this year, slowly stopped playing this game series till Destiny 2.
2015:
This year was when I started to become a bit more active on twitch with the launch of Titanfall 1, Destiny (abit), and StarCraft II; though Halo 5 Guardians was launching this year as well since Halo 4 launched 3 years prior and Halo MCC launched during 2014, let’s just say I was very excited still. During this time I was getting better at Dark Souls, but I still did a lot of stupid stuff that was either funny or just bad. During this time I made some new friends when I found Streetdragon95’s artwork on a feed and was quickly accepted into a community. These new friends were, and still to this day, very friendly; and this was during this year that Furea was already getting a bit depressed mood swing again and I really could tell and was picking up on it due to our conversation with the latest thing in Robocraft before that game started to go downhill with its developers, I left him alone since he initiated the block first, and didn’t message me back until December of that year.
2016:
Became Shift Manager at Pizza hut year and visited my first girlfriend. Stress wasn’t in my favor when working in the food business; but a job was a job, and I had to cope with what was thrown at me despite my attitude being tested everyday with customers. During this year I invited Furea to meet the peeps from SD95’s skype group and while I was at work, some drama was caused and I didn’t know about it till I got home; funny how he got very sensitive from a person called TheModerator that likes to throw some jokes and he knows its not to hurt, he was just messing around. He threw some jokes at me, but years in early school and still playing with the Halo friends (these guys threw a lot of jokes at me), I managed. Discord launched this year so I was all over getting it since it was better than Skype and Teamspeak and it took Furea a year to join since we were still using skype at the time. More Terraria collab was done during this time with the launch of 1.3 of the game and Starbound was launched out of beta this year, and Robocraft went downhill even more to the point where we slowly stopped playing the game for a few years. During this year Titanfall 2 was launching and I played it day 1, and it was my enjoyment for years. Started playing World of Warships in late 2016. Did at least try to play World of Tanks, but quickly failed at it due to mechanics.
2017:
Destiny 2 launched this year and has been my main game playing, even now. All of my friends were now on Discord and I was already a few servers at the time, so it didn't bother me at the latest. It was also during this years that I was preoccupied with my own setup with Video pad Editor (new video editing software), getting a capture card for consoles, and slowly upgrade to a better pc, that my time with Furea was just a few chats here and there; it didn’t bother us in the least we had our own lives outside of what we had common ground on. It was during this year that I was on and off Warframe, still not my kind of game even though I like 3rd person shooter games. Started working at Walmart this year, a better job than pizza hut. During this time I started playing World of Warships more and more since Furea didn’t want to play this game with me because of teams and such.
2018:
This was the turning point of my friendship with Furea, I invited him again to SD95’s discord server, and this time it turned into another drama fight while I was at work; yet again, really no surprise there for me, all because he acted with another person that does go through some depression the same way he does and it ticked a box with that person and he ‘felt’ that he was ganged up on because of something he did; okay this was a big thing for me because the Darkfire and Shad drama incident was already over at this point. With that drama over that lasted for a good 4 to 5 years, I was already getting a bit annoyed at the way Furea was acting and felt that he was using ‘our’ friendship as a trump card or something at the time and I started to see the toxicity from him and seeing more of his depression mood swings in which I was starting to get more and more agitated.
2019:
The turning point of ‘our’ communication. I was spending less time with him already in a 2nd relationship, living in an apartment since the end of 2018, and started working in construction (still working till this day); so I have little time for a person that dropped out of highschool and refuses to get a job because having money or earning money lets you buy the things you would like to get your hand on and become a functioning adult. A revamp of the Destiny 2 clan was going on at the time and Beyond Light in the game was a year away and during this time clan drama was unfolding and it was becoming unhealthy for the clan leader (halo friend) at the time due things. Now during this time, Destiny 2 was already going free to play with the launch of Shadowkeep’s expansion and I was already streaming the game more, as well as streaming World of Warships, Titanfall 2, and StarCraft II; I was already getting to the point that he kept interrupting me while i was streaming [https://www.twitch.tv/videos/461967681 ] ←(watch the clip, be wary people; I am a raging person with stuff like this) and it was like close to midnight on this day and I was already tired of playing a lot of Gambit, so yea a 6 hour stream. He apologized the next day, but I didn’t want to talk for a few seeing that he wasn’t giving me respect and I was giving him respect for the past 7 years.
2020:
Covid-19 in full swing, what else is there to say about this. Terraria 1.4, the biggest update and my last collaboration with Furea. It was getting frustrating for me to actually keep up dealing with his drama shit for 8 years. After Terraria 1.4 playthrough ended in July of this year; I started to just let go of the ‘friendship’ we had because it was just turning toxic at this point; he rarely wanted to play Stellaris which i got the game to play with him and some of his friends, they played more Tabletop during the hours I would be going to bed, he would wake up at hours when I am at work (which was nothing new), and I would only be available on weekends to play games; but this was already showing that he didn’t care. During mid August he started to take notice and started to ask why, claiming that he alone helped with me on setting up my twitch page and youtube page (which is bullshit because I went out of my way to help him set up his twitch for streaming), and during this year I really didn’t have my thoughts ready; I was just done with his bullshit.
2021:
1 year after not talking to him has started to heal what I started to go through with him, though it was during this time that 8 months after we stopped talking that he posted a video claiming that I “betrayed him”. Let me be clear about betrayal: if I want to betray someone that I spent 8 years with, that should’ve been great instead of turning into a toxic friendship, which I never saved any of our time together.
And now present day (2022):
2 years are about to pass and my thoughts on this matter are just annoying and it irritates me. My initial thought was to have a video, but it wouldn’t convey all my thoughts on the matter, I felt like a journal would do. I have spoken to my rp sis on the matter with my thoughts and she understands that it was a bad friendship, we all have those. It’s a matter of moving on from them, instead of staying in the past to grovel on what things would’ve been or how it should’ve been. I kept a lot of my personal emotions out of conversations, because I have minor Autism, or ADHD, and yet I don’t let that get to me. I don’t take medication for this, I was never in any Special Ed classes for this in school, even though I am Autistic, I was still able to function like a regular teenager, I just excelled in better places than others. I am still working in construction, I am a hard working adult that has to make ends meet on just paying bills and such. I have a black cat named Cynder that I love. I am done ranting, this has lifted a big burden off my chest.
Until next time,
Zezku the Gaming Celesteon
