I don't know how much more I can take of this shit. We got a new puppy, and my sister has been literally refusing to let me see her, or even pet her. On top of that, I have been telling my mother to get me a doctor's appointment, to which she has been giving false promises that "Oh you have one this week" and this is not a Doctor's office I can just call up on the spot and request one. I have been having thoughts of harming myself, because of all the stress I am being put under. Not only am I feeling neglected, and ignored, but I can't even get a therapist on the phone to talk to, because the place I go to for therapy had the one I talked to walk out. I am on several waiting lists for therapists, and also promised a sort of "Group home" yet none of this has any update, nor has it had one in about 3 years now, that I have been out of school, and the program I went to, despite my absolute hatred for, in hopes of getting into college for free, only to have the lady in charge never respond regardless of way of communication, only to end up with my mom getting breast cancer, and this stupid pandemic hit right at the time I was supposed to start anything. I have no job, there are no places here that I have not already worked at, or I cannot work at because A: I need a college degree. B: I need a certain skill set that I am, nor was I ever good at, or C: My medical issues prevent me from doing.

I am seriously questioning the fact as to why I am still trying in life, if I never get anywhere. Ever since I was raped a few years ago, I had lost every friend I ever had in the local area, because of lies and slander, and also had to confront people who showed up to my house in attempt to harm me or my family. I have done so much for so many over the years, because I feel being nice and helping out is the way it should be, yet very few actually return the favor (and yes I know they are not required to)

Also, I have been having nerve issues, and, and I am getting nowhere with my mother, as I have tried telling her, but every time her and I talk, she writes it off as me being dramatic. Yes I realize I can be dramatic, I have a fucked up mentality because of the issues I was born with because of my abusive birth mother. I feel completely and utterly useless in any field of getting help, and I have called the police many times to request help, but I am always put in a mental health facility, which never does anything but stress me out, and distance me further from my family, because they already lost hope for me. I am completely capable of being a functioning member of society, just not in this house. This house is not a home, and the people here are, nor were they ever a family. Ever since my brother died at age 16, everyone stopped caring about me, until I eventually spiral down a dark path, and they get scared of me, yet they refuse to help me before it gets too late. I lost my bed and my stuff due to bed bugs and mold from the basement flooding every time it rains, and I have had enough. I am about ready to just call it quits. I have no hope in this place I live in. I just can't handle it anymore.