I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope things get better for you sooner rather than later!

Thank you. I have a lot I want to do, and the only thing to do is to dust myself off and try, even if it’s a millimeter at a time

🎵 And so, today, I'm gonna try just
Getting up, sitting down, going back to work
Might not help, but still, it couldn't hurt🎵

Any amount of progress, no matter how small, is still progress!

I can sympathize. My drawing skills are literally ten years behind everyone else's.

Yeah, a lot of my colleagues have ‘made it’ (well deservedly) but I fell way behind

I know it’s never too late, but it’s a struggle

It certainly is.

Almost as if you can see what could have been if you were committed to it? Where you might be, the direction your life would be going to?

You've been walking a different kind of path from most people. Giving it your all. To make sure there's an environment of plenty and love. Despair is tempting. Far easier to bury the hatchet than hold on. You don't have to. It might not be in your reach right now to go as hard on art as you might like. It might be like that for a while yet.

You'll get there. You will have the time for you and a calm life at home by compare, and you'll allow yourself the time and space to let your shoulders hang down and breathe out everything that you've been through, take one deep breath in and be ready to create something.

A little time now and again, a couple hours to paint, put something on the canvas, or sit down in the park and sketch the objects you see and remember, or set a beat and start tossing notes out. Little steps. When you're feeling that grief, try to answer it with enthusiasm. Where you can. It might not be more than a handful of times this year. But it can mean all the difference in the long run, and I'll bet you got many more decades to come, Talon.

Though hey, hoping's nice and all. Sometimes things just suck. Let it out. If you ever need someone to bend an ear you need only ask. Promise I wont only be tossing out suggestions. Be good, or bad- I'm not a cop.

Thank you friend.

I wonder what could have been about art, but as you said it’s not too late. I will never stop completely, and I have a decent chunk in the pipeline to upload, but feel extremely stagnant. Which is, in its own way okay. I have a long way to go to be where I want to be, and I know I can get there if I have time to dedicate to it.

Usually I have a pretty decent attitude about it, I recognize why circumstances are what they are and that it’s okay. But it definitely is getting to me tonight.
I feel like I don’t know which way is up.

I really want to work on my wizards specific portfolio, so many of my friends have made mtg art now, and it’s always been a dream of mine. I got some really solid advice and best practices from them on how to get there. But even so, it feels overwhelming today and I don’t know where to start, I struggle with ideas. Commissions are fairly easy by comparison, they don’t require me to come up with the idea of the piece, just the execution of it.

Time is a cruel thing. Especially in trying to leave the time capsule for future versions of you to understand vision when you have to stagger out working like over 4-10 weekends on a project. Keeping in mind that it might be good to leave some kind of message or memo for yourself each time you come back. It might be tempting to put the MAX time you can in a 2 hour window to putting things on canvas. Though you might find you come out this long period feeling better about it if you can make it like a date for yourself. What music or playlists you listened to when, and maybe you can find the one that got you in a good headspace. Like the song you were listening to when you hit one of the many eureka moments that comes with larger form projects like I'm thinking you want to to dazzle those folks at Wizards.

Now I'm mostly just tossing out suggestions but I swear any chance I have to get to talk about art I end up saying what I'm wanting to hear. Streams have been helping me out in no small way to have a dedicated time each week where everyone knows I mean to do it, others in my life can plan around it, and there's the accountability factor to being seen doing it. Plus vocalizing my thought process relieves so so so much stress about it. I'll jump between projects and ideas a lot more easily when I talk about it outloud and that's like brand new for me too.

Plus there's a group of brains right there to jam out with you. Like you can vocalize your ideas for the next piece you want to work on and pick out feedback you might get on stream to find where your intuition's leading you. It may require a bit of vulnerability to just be thinking out loud and what you like, what you don't like, and maybe some things that are significant to you that you want to be able to incorporate to your work without spilling too many private details.

The hardest part about being stuck is right here, and right now you are stuck. It's awful. Got feelings like shame, disappointment, envy, and then another layer like "oh how could I feel bad my friends are doing so well for themselves, I should be happy! But I want that for me!" Yeah. That's the pit's alright. You're down there in it. We can talk about what you'll do when you get out or try and strategize til the cows come home. All these are are seeds and suggestions and not nearly enough sympathies. It's not easy. Feeling low down and helpless to act right here, right now to do anything about it. Overwhelming to plan when you've already got so much overwhelming you already. I hear you.

While you're around, why don't you tell me about some of the things you wanna do but can't do?

I really appreciate all of this. Streaming is a good idea. I even set up one of those vtuber character rigs (2d) of Talon that I have no idea when I can use haha

As for things I want to do, this is kind of where I struggle, me saying ideas don’t readily come to me, but I can execute like a beast. I need to make 5ish pieces specifically for my wizards portfolio, and I know how I need to execute them but not what they should be

Oh my glob. A Vtuber Talon? You gotta give me a heads up when you deploy your bad self. I was never much into streams until the last couple years and Vtubers took that spark that GDQ put into me in 2020 and went running with it. It's such a fun and surreal way to get a taste of what some folks have been getting off VR chat and so on. Make more real our furry selves, booyeah.

Okay so that's an incredibly useful metric to start with. Five pieces and you can really show off a variety of work. Can think of a few kits you could go for. Here's just a couple to toss at you and you bend or twist or pick or toss the whole things if you want.

Focus on: environment, emotional affect, character design, detail props, and tell a story.

Another five with more specified prompts: a body type you are familiar with, a body type you have never rendered before, forced perspective, symbiosis, and "cool factor."

I like fives because it's a really, really good way of triangulating. When you can find ONE point on the graph you really can put your heart into you can find two pieces that sort of triangulate opposing or at least conflicting themes, and then from those two you can find two more points and where they relate/foil with the other ones you craft til you got yourself a nice big pentagram of sorting forces that compliment and contrast. Plays right into that color theory shit. Or at least satisfies my overcomplicated brain. If you got one like I do, find the way to work with it. And hooo buddy you can get a LOT of mileage off of finding just ONE thing you really want to do and then find things that kinda defy/twist on what you got to show off those perspective, painting, stylistic choices that are sure to impress.

Thank you for the suggestions! I really appreciate it.

I will definitely mention it to you if I ever deploy 2D Talon vtuber
It’s really interesting to watch your char yak as you

Every little bit helps, even if it doesn't seem to be making much difference when you're in the moment. Keep your chin up and keep on working at it.

Did you truly make a mistake? If you do feel that way, it's never too late to work on correcting it and setting things right. You can do anything you wish.

We believe in you!

You’re so kind friend! And you’re right, and I know that, it’s just a struggle that I needed to vent.
But the only thing to do is move forward as best I can

*Hugs tight* I'm sorry you've been feeling down. :<

There's not much I can say besides that I understand and empathize. I wish I had better words for you! <:3

Still means so much to me 🤍

I can only point to how success (however one defines it) doesn't come with an age limit

You've still got time friend

It’s just so difficult and doesn’t seem to be letting up
Maybe when I’m retired

Perhaps this job won't be forever but it's what is good for experience and paying the bills right now? IDK, after college and landing a job that was demanding, my art spark was pretty crippled and it's something I still think I'm recovering from 6 years later... but from this experience I have learnt that having the skills and passion for art never really leaves you, and while it's good to have ambition and goals, you can't be too hard on yourself if nows not the time for it. Things will get better, it could be a few years and that's ok.

Thank you friend! And yeah, it’s just been this way for many years now and I feel like something needs to change. It’s up to me to figure out how or where though, or find a way to accept the slow crawl things have become

To be frank, a lot of us are reaching that age where we begin to question our choices, and our lifestyles, and maybe that's what yer going through. Mortality is a bitter thing to deal with, and as time crunches down, our minds wander to what-ifs, and could've-beens.

Realizing that some choices may have been mistakes can definitely happen later in life. But never confuse passion for something you love, and your struggle to maintain it, as a mistake. You chose that passion for a reason. :]

It's not easy at all, diverting your path and supporting yourself while you do it. I know. But never let apathy rip away your spirit from trying. Baby steps are still steps. And you can, and will, get there, wherever "there" is. ♪

Ya’know I think you’re completely right. Kind of a midlife crisis type thing (though hopefully not ACTUALLY my mid life)

I’m feeling a little better about it today

Helped to vent

And I actually worked on art almost all day today
So feeling mildly like I’m taking a step

Also
I think about you all the time! I hope you are well

Hahaha it's mutual, you cross my mind here and there too. Not too long ago, I was thinking about the first time we met, with me making that joke about leaning on a lightpost and making it bend lol. Fond memory~

You remembered! I think about that all the time