I want to preface this journal by saying all my Discord friends and those in Birth Haven can ignore this, it doesn't apply to you.

I've had a couple users harassing me about some art over the last few days, they wanted some pictures that I just wasn't comfortable drawing, I was as pleasant as I could be about it but they just kept pushing, I made it clear I wouldn't be drawing their requests and they decided to send a nasty message then block me. Unfortunately this isn't the first time this has happened.

I started taking requests seven years ago and it was pretty fun at first, I got to interact with the community, I got to draw some cool characters, and I got to draw for people who couldn't afford commissions. I noticed early on that people would get upset with me if I took too long to draw a request but that was my fault, right? I told myself I shouldn't make people wait so long and I went on doing requests. Then people started getting upset about some of the things I wouldn't draw, one user even commissioned a 15 page comic about how much of a bigot I am for not drawing mpreg. I decided to ignore these incidents and just continue doing requests. Fast forward a couple years, my uncle died, and a week and a half later my grandma died. This was during the height of COVID and no one was able to see either of them in the hospital and no one was able to say goodbye, my whole family was, and still is, heartbroken. I took a few days to go to my hometown and help out any way I could and when I came back and logged into FA I was met with a bunch of notes about how late I was with requests, what a nice welcome back, right? I didn't do any of the requests in question and I stopped advertising free drawings after that.

I've struggled with depression most of my life and after losing my uncle and my grandma it started to get a lot worse, it was gradual and I didn't really notice until I stepped back and really took a look at my life a couple months ago and I realized I hate who I've grown into, I've sacrificed major parts of myself for the sake of "growth", I wanted to be an animator but I couldn't cut it so I settled for hobby artist and when that didn't take off I started drawing the stuff you see on this account, I wanted to have a career where I could help people but I had to settle for being a drone at a shit company, I wanted to have wife and a lot of kids and big house with a lot of land but I can't date anyone in this mental state and I can't afford a decent house. If my high school self met me he'd be disgusted. I started working on myself and I think I'm on the right track to get better, I even drew a cute sfw pic the other day and its the first thing I've drawn in long time I was legitimately proud of.

But then I get two users harassing me about request I'm not willing to draw, they start nice like everyone does, then when I say I don't want to do their requests they start to turn, they threatened to out me as the asshole they think I am and then they both blocked me. I'd love to say this a rare occurrence but it happens pretty regularly, I've gotten to the point where I hate seeing notes in my inbox because I just know its going to some stupid bs like that. I've been struggling with myself about what to do with WarriorStew, I want to delete all my accounts and start over but I'm having trouble doing that, just this FA account, as harmful as it was to my mental health represents seven years of art and it hard to just walk away from that. That being said this has basically become a job, and not a fun one, I offered free drawings thinking I could have fun with the community and to an extent I did, but the majority of people made what was supposed to be a fun hobby into a miserable chore, I don't owe anyone here anything, you don't get to be pissed at me for taking a break when I need it or not wanting to draw certain things. Because of all this I've decided I'm not doing requests or free drawings anymore, and if I can bring myself to do it I'll be deleting this this account.

Again, I want to say that this whole thing DOES NOT apply to my discord friends, you've all been very welcoming and supportive of me at every turn, I'm still into preg and birth stuff and I might still draw some of it for you guys.