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I actually attempted suicide a few days ago
3 years ago
So I bought a weapon to suffocate myself in my car, I went to an area where I thought no one will see me and I was setting up but someone phoned the police and they got to me before I could finish it. They then also confiscated the weapon, it's not really a big deal it's like £15, easy to get another. I've never really been a happy person if I have to be honest, I don't really have a family, don't have much friends, don't really have any realistic goals or dreams (I'll tell you what I mean by realistic in a moment) So I don't really have anything that's really practical for staying here to be honest.
The only thing that kind of made me happy are my fetish stories and the art that I've received and made. The unfortunate thing is artists don't draw my fetish much and most have rejected me many times. When I found some artists who are willing to draw it, I got happy because I felt like I'm finally in a position where I can bring my stories to life, but now I've been rejected by those artists because I'm too specific in how I would like the art to look and how the story is told. So I'm back to nothing, it's like am I really that much of a bother? I honestly just took the whole situation as a sign that I don't really fit in with anything regardless what I do. My dream is to be writer and director of my fetish stories but it'll never happen, no one's into my fetish content and no matter how good I make the content, if no one's into it, it won't sell and that is what I mean by an unrealistic dream, they always say keep working at it and you will achieve your dreams but that won't happen in my case. On top of all the rejection, I've lost a lot of money due to circumstances and I can't afford anymore commissions even if artists would take it on, I can't do it. I at least currently have an artist doing something for me and that could the last piece I'll upload to this site unless I kill myself before he finishes it. There's a possible chance the money thing might get sorted in court and even if it did, like I said, I still couldn't get artists to work on my content anyway so it is an L however I look at it. But like I said, I have taken it all as a sign and I honestly believe I have no more to offer to this world and the world has nothing more to offer me, I have ordered the weapon again and this time I'll find somewhere where the police won't find me.
So in closing, if any of you notice that I'm not posting, stopped interacting or even logging in, at least you know what's happened
The only thing that kind of made me happy are my fetish stories and the art that I've received and made. The unfortunate thing is artists don't draw my fetish much and most have rejected me many times. When I found some artists who are willing to draw it, I got happy because I felt like I'm finally in a position where I can bring my stories to life, but now I've been rejected by those artists because I'm too specific in how I would like the art to look and how the story is told. So I'm back to nothing, it's like am I really that much of a bother? I honestly just took the whole situation as a sign that I don't really fit in with anything regardless what I do. My dream is to be writer and director of my fetish stories but it'll never happen, no one's into my fetish content and no matter how good I make the content, if no one's into it, it won't sell and that is what I mean by an unrealistic dream, they always say keep working at it and you will achieve your dreams but that won't happen in my case. On top of all the rejection, I've lost a lot of money due to circumstances and I can't afford anymore commissions even if artists would take it on, I can't do it. I at least currently have an artist doing something for me and that could the last piece I'll upload to this site unless I kill myself before he finishes it. There's a possible chance the money thing might get sorted in court and even if it did, like I said, I still couldn't get artists to work on my content anyway so it is an L however I look at it. But like I said, I have taken it all as a sign and I honestly believe I have no more to offer to this world and the world has nothing more to offer me, I have ordered the weapon again and this time I'll find somewhere where the police won't find me.
So in closing, if any of you notice that I'm not posting, stopped interacting or even logging in, at least you know what's happened
I won't pretend we're in the same situation, nor do I have a quick answer, but nothing you've shared sounds insurmountable to me. Would you consider texting 741741? It's a free helpline that can offer more guided and professional advice than my anecdote.