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life update/ how it is going
3 years ago
General
Well, I finally gathered the strength to write a journal-update of my life, share my observations, impressions, maybe have a little chat?
FOR THOSE WHO DON'T WANT TO READ MUCH, A BRIEF ABOUT THE SITUATION: THE WAR IS FUCKING DISGUSTING; I am alive and my family is alive; I lost my job and still have no income other than Patreon; suicidal depression and apathy are terrible things
I have not left my city, I have nowhere / no one to go to. I live in Zaporizhzhya and here... It's quiet except for CONSTANT sirens and bombings. How can this be considered quiet? Well, for a whole week you hear only children's laughter from the street and the creak of a swings in the playground, and then at 3 o'clock in the morning and until dawn you hear the thunder of exploding shells.
In war you lose the sense of time. You get used to war. I'm even used to the fact that I can't sleep, I'm used to feeling constant fear and anxiety. I am exhausted, constantly sad and easily frightened. My depression was very strong even before the war, so now I am not afraid to die, but I am afraid that my relatives and pets will suffer. I hold on for them, I live for them.
It's hard for me to reply to messages, but I see every one. Sometimes I can't gather my thoughts for a week to write a banal "thank you" but I am damn grateful to everyone who writes to me or helps financially. Even $5 guarantees me fresh and hot food for a day (the USD-UAH exchange rate is amazing).
You can ask me questions in comments or private messages. [but please be patient, I get really nervous talking to people]
Want to support? I still have Patreon and also Paypal: alina.subbota[at]gmail.com
https://www.patreon.com/GodOfDeadDog
Thank you! I hope this all ends soon and I start earning money for myself for a psychiatrist.
FOR THOSE WHO DON'T WANT TO READ MUCH, A BRIEF ABOUT THE SITUATION: THE WAR IS FUCKING DISGUSTING; I am alive and my family is alive; I lost my job and still have no income other than Patreon; suicidal depression and apathy are terrible things
I have not left my city, I have nowhere / no one to go to. I live in Zaporizhzhya and here... It's quiet except for CONSTANT sirens and bombings. How can this be considered quiet? Well, for a whole week you hear only children's laughter from the street and the creak of a swings in the playground, and then at 3 o'clock in the morning and until dawn you hear the thunder of exploding shells.
In war you lose the sense of time. You get used to war. I'm even used to the fact that I can't sleep, I'm used to feeling constant fear and anxiety. I am exhausted, constantly sad and easily frightened. My depression was very strong even before the war, so now I am not afraid to die, but I am afraid that my relatives and pets will suffer. I hold on for them, I live for them.
It's hard for me to reply to messages, but I see every one. Sometimes I can't gather my thoughts for a week to write a banal "thank you" but I am damn grateful to everyone who writes to me or helps financially. Even $5 guarantees me fresh and hot food for a day (the USD-UAH exchange rate is amazing).
You can ask me questions in comments or private messages. [but please be patient, I get really nervous talking to people]
Want to support? I still have Patreon and also Paypal: alina.subbota[at]gmail.com
https://www.patreon.com/GodOfDeadDog
Thank you! I hope this all ends soon and I start earning money for myself for a psychiatrist.
LesterShmester posted a Journal with some details about the most recent explosions in your city at https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10228165/
I think PistachioHorror is waiting for you to reply to her most recent Note before adding you to the big list of Ukrainian artists who need assistance/help/commissions over at https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10138995/
I am currently working on a new Journal to highlight the FA members from/in southern Ukraine, to match the Journals I did for the Donbas region and Kharkiv oblast:
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10225029/ -- Kharkiv/Kharkov region artists, furries, and stories on FurAffinity
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10203165/ -- Donbas/Donbass region artists, furries, and stories on FurAffinity
Do you want to be listed as being in Zaporizhzhya?
And thanks for the reminder. I wrote a reply to PistachioHorror and will try to keep in touch with her.
Yes, I would be very grateful!
Since you wrote you PayPal address above, I sent you a little PayPal gift for a few hot meals. You should include your Patreon link https://www.patreon.com/GodOfDeadDog above as well.
How much money do you need to earn to be able to afford to visit a psychiatrist?
Thanks a lot! The money has already arrived,,
To be honest, I don't know the exact amount yet. The first appointment with the doctor (which has not happened yet) for me became the banner "I will survive this war and first of all I will take care of my mental health (which I neglected for years)". Perhaps I will be able to find a good free, state specialist, and I will only need money for medicines.
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10144056/
In particular there's a section of "MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCES" (just do a ctrl-F search for that phrase to find it), which includes online psychologists willing to help, and guides for coping with anxiety/PTSD/etc. Hopefully there's something useful for you in there.
This war will end and I'm convinced Ukraine will remain free. It'll be a rough ride for a while, but believe in that future.