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About pride (asexuality edition)
3 years ago
General
Ahhh, asexuality. Pride month has just peeked it's pretty face above the barbed fence of civilisation, and so everyone on the planet should now either write a little bit about their sexuality or commision some cool as fuck ych. Yet, aspec is still far too often forgotten about, or considered "vanilla", "not queer enough".
Indeed, information about asexuality, aromanticity, demisexuality, greysexuality, and so forth? It is rare outside of it's own circles. It is so often misunderstood... whilst the society slowly starts to accept not all male gays are pretty little twinks and all lesbians butch, even within queer circles the stereotype of the puriteen incel robot percists.
Do aspec people face discrimination? Not being known about might protect us from the most vile forms of it, but we're not safe, far from it. How many times have we been told we haven't had proper sex yet, haven't met the right one, "I will show you different", and even relations broken "cause you were no good in bed". I think it's still relatively minor compared to some of our LGB- and especially T friends, but it's there, and we do have to keep on our guards. Besides, many forms of discrimination come from our own, when we don't know well enough about ourselves or might not have accepted ourselves as we are.
A rising issue is the so-called "incel" community. These are people who make their whole personality the fact that they can't get a relationship. They start doing more and more worrisome actions, and because society thinks in absolutes they start putting everyone in the same bucket, throwing those who do not *want* a relationship under the bus.
Since aspec details aren't so well known, and many people still have a binary vision about it, another point I would like to make is that asexuality and it's cousins ain't quite so black and white as one might expect.
When I first learned about asexuality I thought I would just be incapable of doing sex, and abstained myself from it without much difficulty. Masturbation was another story, I'll throw myself under the bridge and tell in all honesty I *do* enjoy that, but it's mostly about my own body (or not! whelp, I might be trans now as well hahaha) and not so much about looking at hot people with dicks and boobs.
Later, way way later, I started to experiment. Indeed, it's not quite that. The tools are still available (in my case they aren't very available but that's their problem 😛) but I don't have that desire that other people have. Instead, sex for me is just glorified masterbation, with another person involved if needed. Of course, that does not make me incapable of having sex with another person (tho it is quite a hurdle, especially being repulsed to the visual aspect of it) but it's about as enjoyable as having sex with a whoopie cushion!
This however is even more true about aromanticity. I'm still not really confident about myself if I'm aromantic, or just very very poly. The thing is, I love giving affection to people, "playing the lover", but really, I could do it with just about anyone. It's like I'm the biggest affectionslut in the world, I could declare my eternal love to 10 people at the same time but would it be really sincere?
Anyways, that's about it, folks! I just wanted to write something for pride month, but remember everybody's experience is different and it's not because yours doesn't match mine that it suddenly becomes invalid! In the end these are just labels we attach to ourself to describe ourself and to find others with similar experiences about sexuality and gender.
But I would love to hear if I've inspired any of you fluffs ☺️
Indeed, information about asexuality, aromanticity, demisexuality, greysexuality, and so forth? It is rare outside of it's own circles. It is so often misunderstood... whilst the society slowly starts to accept not all male gays are pretty little twinks and all lesbians butch, even within queer circles the stereotype of the puriteen incel robot percists.
Do aspec people face discrimination? Not being known about might protect us from the most vile forms of it, but we're not safe, far from it. How many times have we been told we haven't had proper sex yet, haven't met the right one, "I will show you different", and even relations broken "cause you were no good in bed". I think it's still relatively minor compared to some of our LGB- and especially T friends, but it's there, and we do have to keep on our guards. Besides, many forms of discrimination come from our own, when we don't know well enough about ourselves or might not have accepted ourselves as we are.
A rising issue is the so-called "incel" community. These are people who make their whole personality the fact that they can't get a relationship. They start doing more and more worrisome actions, and because society thinks in absolutes they start putting everyone in the same bucket, throwing those who do not *want* a relationship under the bus.
Since aspec details aren't so well known, and many people still have a binary vision about it, another point I would like to make is that asexuality and it's cousins ain't quite so black and white as one might expect.
When I first learned about asexuality I thought I would just be incapable of doing sex, and abstained myself from it without much difficulty. Masturbation was another story, I'll throw myself under the bridge and tell in all honesty I *do* enjoy that, but it's mostly about my own body (or not! whelp, I might be trans now as well hahaha) and not so much about looking at hot people with dicks and boobs.
Later, way way later, I started to experiment. Indeed, it's not quite that. The tools are still available (in my case they aren't very available but that's their problem 😛) but I don't have that desire that other people have. Instead, sex for me is just glorified masterbation, with another person involved if needed. Of course, that does not make me incapable of having sex with another person (tho it is quite a hurdle, especially being repulsed to the visual aspect of it) but it's about as enjoyable as having sex with a whoopie cushion!
This however is even more true about aromanticity. I'm still not really confident about myself if I'm aromantic, or just very very poly. The thing is, I love giving affection to people, "playing the lover", but really, I could do it with just about anyone. It's like I'm the biggest affectionslut in the world, I could declare my eternal love to 10 people at the same time but would it be really sincere?
Anyways, that's about it, folks! I just wanted to write something for pride month, but remember everybody's experience is different and it's not because yours doesn't match mine that it suddenly becomes invalid! In the end these are just labels we attach to ourself to describe ourself and to find others with similar experiences about sexuality and gender.
But I would love to hear if I've inspired any of you fluffs ☺️
