Weird depressions come and go... not much I can do about it but let the wind flow. Whenever I want death, but I know I don't want death, I just want something more than barely living. Whenever I want pain, but what I really crave for is the feeling of being alive. And in the meantime here is I in this aimless storm that is life, feeling rejected by myself, unable to accomplish anything of meaning. What shall I do? I gotto do something more, I gotto do something about it, but even tho the darkest thoughts flow my mind I know they aren't the solution either, they only help to worsen the pain. I have pretty much nothing to hope for, but I know it ain't over for me yet, it's just all the paths that I've wandered in have lead to death ends. But that does not mean there is no path.

But it ain't going to get easy. Easier, that's never been the case. Always gone for the easy path, here is where that leads to... the path to nowhere, desperation alone.

Goddamn why can't I get a clue on where life may lead me to!