Me: "...Yeah, I've been drinking energy drinks for over 20 years now. They mostly used to taste and smell the same until about a few years ago when the more flavorful ones came out."

Them: "20... But you barely look about 20. How are are you?"

Me: "Oh, um... I think I'll be 36 in a few weeks..."

Them: "Oh wow!"





Meh. I guess it's a compliment. I don't mind. Or rather, I guess it's more fitting to say it's hard to care about a lot of things. I've had depression before, but that deep / severe depression really wiped me out. Just as bad as the depression are the effects of it when / if you can finally crawl out of it. It's not to say that I don't want to care about anything, but it's rather hard to do so. Especially when most of the things or people you tried to care about screwed you over, treated you badly, and stabbed you in the back -- the very reason why I went into a deep depression in the first place.


So now I guess I gotta try to find myself. I was already wondering who I was beforehand. Now it's like I lost the little bit of myself I figure out. So I gotta do it all over again, and then some.


I know a few things need to change. Everything is taking so long, but I'm trying. I'd like to become the kind of person that cares for everyone and smiles and laughs a lot. And I kinda still am, but it doesn't feel the same anymore.