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When it rains...
3 years ago
Not for the innocent
I know I don't update this that often anymore, and whenever I do it usually ends up being something awful and tragic... and today is no exception. Prepare for another stream of consciousness style journal.
This sunday at 2 AM my niece who had been fighting Cancer the last few years passed away. She was only 10 years old. It tears me up inside that I wasn't a better uncle. Sure I saw her whenever I was at the lake when my brother was visiting, but it's not like I stepped away to play with her or converse or anything. Maybe it's because my uncles were never like that either, I dunno. This morning I went to work, then left almost immediately after because I was cracking up. Thankfully my boss is understanding and is handling the bereavement for me. I just can't shake the thoughts. She was only 10... and for the last few years she spent most of her time with treatments and hospitals and therapy along with a healthy mix of fun and trips to zoos and theme parks and such. All this child knew was kindness. Even with what was happening to her, she cared more about what was going on with everyone else around her. Now she's gone... and she was only 10. She'll never get to know things like high school or boys or driving or getting in trouble for staying out too late... she never got the chance to grow up.
This all seemed like more than enough to deal with already, then I read one of the most vile responses to such a thing in my life. I won't repeat it all here, if you're curious you can find Prismas twitter, but simply put, her sister will never be welcome in my house after what she said. I'm offended we breathe the same air.
On top of that, Prismas parents are coming to visit and we have no money. Along with family tragedy, bills kept rolling in... thankfully they're paid, but at the cost of being able to do anything while they're here. Road tripping all the way from the states, just to sit in a hotel room in a small town in Alberta because I can't afford to drive to any of the places they said they want to see. I don't see many other options than asking my dad for money, which I hate doing... I hate asking ANYBODY for money, and this just seems like i'm trading disappointment from one side of the family for disappointment from the other. I don't know what to do... I couldn't ask people on here for it because I still feel guilty for the last time I did 5 years ago.
Well... thanks for listening. If nothing else i'm glad her suffering is at an end. Any help is appreciated, and you know I hate asking for it. Hug a loved one close and tell them you love them. <3
This sunday at 2 AM my niece who had been fighting Cancer the last few years passed away. She was only 10 years old. It tears me up inside that I wasn't a better uncle. Sure I saw her whenever I was at the lake when my brother was visiting, but it's not like I stepped away to play with her or converse or anything. Maybe it's because my uncles were never like that either, I dunno. This morning I went to work, then left almost immediately after because I was cracking up. Thankfully my boss is understanding and is handling the bereavement for me. I just can't shake the thoughts. She was only 10... and for the last few years she spent most of her time with treatments and hospitals and therapy along with a healthy mix of fun and trips to zoos and theme parks and such. All this child knew was kindness. Even with what was happening to her, she cared more about what was going on with everyone else around her. Now she's gone... and she was only 10. She'll never get to know things like high school or boys or driving or getting in trouble for staying out too late... she never got the chance to grow up.
This all seemed like more than enough to deal with already, then I read one of the most vile responses to such a thing in my life. I won't repeat it all here, if you're curious you can find Prismas twitter, but simply put, her sister will never be welcome in my house after what she said. I'm offended we breathe the same air.
On top of that, Prismas parents are coming to visit and we have no money. Along with family tragedy, bills kept rolling in... thankfully they're paid, but at the cost of being able to do anything while they're here. Road tripping all the way from the states, just to sit in a hotel room in a small town in Alberta because I can't afford to drive to any of the places they said they want to see. I don't see many other options than asking my dad for money, which I hate doing... I hate asking ANYBODY for money, and this just seems like i'm trading disappointment from one side of the family for disappointment from the other. I don't know what to do... I couldn't ask people on here for it because I still feel guilty for the last time I did 5 years ago.
Well... thanks for listening. If nothing else i'm glad her suffering is at an end. Any help is appreciated, and you know I hate asking for it. Hug a loved one close and tell them you love them. <3
I wish I had more then words my freind. Stay strong
as for feeling guilty you are doing the best you can do, times might be rough but you and prisma have each other.