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I'm.. Alive, and doing well
3 years ago
It's been a quite a while since I've actually tried to be social, both IRL and Online.... There is a lot to talk about, so.. thought I'd say it here...
Soo, before the pandemic, I was having some major mental health issues. See, I spend most of my life dealing bipolar, and had many psychiatrists either not listen to what I was saying, or would only see me 1-2 times, and then I would be changed to another. This caused me to stop being willing to work and figure out my medications with them... Then, I was trying to cope with massive amounts of abuse throughout my life from family/friends, and even some in the last few years. The recent assault (back in 2019) triggered a full blown mental breakdown that I didn't realize the mental damage at the time. Along with that, I live with constant pain in my right ankle. These things combined made my mental state a living hell. While I don't want to go into much details about all that, just know I'm still working through this. I doubt I'll ever truly be ok mentally, but at least now I'm able to function somewhat normally... After nearly losing my mate and Master because my bipolar was getting was too far out of control, I was finally able to find the help I really needed. A combination of therapy, medication and medical marijuana for pain relief. My insurance is making it hard to stay up with, but, it's getting there.
I've also come to terms with a bit more about myself. I'm found that I'm genderfluid... There are a lot times where I feel like I'm a male, many times where I feel like I'm a female, and sometimes just don't feel like I'm anything at all.. I've been so terrified about upsetting those I'm close to, I kind of... hid it. IRL, my body is still male. I'm starting to be able to explore my fem side. I do know I'm not 100% male or female, but to what extent, i'm still trying to figure that out.. so i'm sorry if i get confusing.. I don't care what pronouns are used, but I do slightly prefer they/them pronouns.
Saying that... There have been a lot of people I've just... treated poorly, and that's putting it very mildly. There are some that... no matter what I say, think, or do... I was so far in the wrong, that it is unforgivable. I.. I really didn't understand how toxic and vile I actually was becoming. Just know... to those that I have hurt... I'm truly sorry what I've said and done... I know that really will never fix or make up for it, and I don't really plan on reaching out... simply put.. I still think it would be better if I continued to leave y'all be. Coming to grips with that... and accepting it... it doesn't feel right, and I don't think i'll ever feel ok with that... but I do have to move on =/... I'm sorry...
Lastly... I am trying to start making some new friends... I'm on disability, and it get's pretty lonely. Yea, both my mate and master I live with are amazing, and no one can replace them... But I'm a needy skunk, and what other's to be close to, and be able to relax with....
Soo, before the pandemic, I was having some major mental health issues. See, I spend most of my life dealing bipolar, and had many psychiatrists either not listen to what I was saying, or would only see me 1-2 times, and then I would be changed to another. This caused me to stop being willing to work and figure out my medications with them... Then, I was trying to cope with massive amounts of abuse throughout my life from family/friends, and even some in the last few years. The recent assault (back in 2019) triggered a full blown mental breakdown that I didn't realize the mental damage at the time. Along with that, I live with constant pain in my right ankle. These things combined made my mental state a living hell. While I don't want to go into much details about all that, just know I'm still working through this. I doubt I'll ever truly be ok mentally, but at least now I'm able to function somewhat normally... After nearly losing my mate and Master because my bipolar was getting was too far out of control, I was finally able to find the help I really needed. A combination of therapy, medication and medical marijuana for pain relief. My insurance is making it hard to stay up with, but, it's getting there.
I've also come to terms with a bit more about myself. I'm found that I'm genderfluid... There are a lot times where I feel like I'm a male, many times where I feel like I'm a female, and sometimes just don't feel like I'm anything at all.. I've been so terrified about upsetting those I'm close to, I kind of... hid it. IRL, my body is still male. I'm starting to be able to explore my fem side. I do know I'm not 100% male or female, but to what extent, i'm still trying to figure that out.. so i'm sorry if i get confusing.. I don't care what pronouns are used, but I do slightly prefer they/them pronouns.
Saying that... There have been a lot of people I've just... treated poorly, and that's putting it very mildly. There are some that... no matter what I say, think, or do... I was so far in the wrong, that it is unforgivable. I.. I really didn't understand how toxic and vile I actually was becoming. Just know... to those that I have hurt... I'm truly sorry what I've said and done... I know that really will never fix or make up for it, and I don't really plan on reaching out... simply put.. I still think it would be better if I continued to leave y'all be. Coming to grips with that... and accepting it... it doesn't feel right, and I don't think i'll ever feel ok with that... but I do have to move on =/... I'm sorry...
Lastly... I am trying to start making some new friends... I'm on disability, and it get's pretty lonely. Yea, both my mate and master I live with are amazing, and no one can replace them... But I'm a needy skunk, and what other's to be close to, and be able to relax with....
