FA+
Shop
Fandom Life - A Kind Reminder of Reality's Limits
3 years ago
General
Heh, been a while since I posted anything personal that's been going on in my life. But lately, certain interactions with some of my friends online have had me reflect on many aspects of the way of live. I realize I have been alienating others unintentionally, and I hope this journal can set the record straight.
First of all, there have been a growing number of people developing this image of me that I'm some sort of snobby "popular" fur. Honestly, I don't see that at all about myself. It's true my presence and well... "brand" as some might put it, is significantly more than when I started out in 2014 in this fandom. The artwork I get is not a way to flash wealth in people's faces to laugh at their inability to get artwork in return. Nor does the comissioned art indicates I don't value the people I talk to as friends. I know I personally cannot relate with the pain of the inability to afford art, but NOT having that ability doesn't mean I think any less of you. It's quite the opposite, actually. That I can enjoy having chats and spending time with you despite not having art to flash around to draw me in.
Secondly, my online presence and availability to chat. I think people forget that in a fandom this large, some interactions are just bound to fall by the wayside. There have been people I hold close that I spend weeks or even months of silence in between for a lot of reasons. As active as I appear to be for sure in this community, I simply do not have the energy nor time to give everyone what they want. And believe me, some people enjoy me so much that they feel this pressure to have me be with them as much as possible. I am touched by that, but I also feel like a crutch as well. Do remember that I have many things going on in my life. I have a full time job. I have a RL family to visit and keep close on weekends, along with workout friend group and that circle. I stream 2-3 times a week to keep my gaming chops fresh and ongoing, sharing my passion for gaming with as many people as I can reach. And thus, I surround myself with a lot of low maintenance relationships. Yeah, I have certain folk that I spend way more time with, but that's something that comes from putting in the work from both ends to cultivate. I have left closer bonds behind, but I have that confidence things could pick right up when I engage. That's sort of the beauty and the curse of online relationships. I simply wish others saw the reality of this medium that way instead of taking my lack of interactions as a clear insult to their character.
Finally, I just want to point out that in the end, my sona and I are still separate entities. As much as I wish to be the beefy pegasus himself one day, I know that it's a form I cannot sustain without some breaks every so often. So please treat me like the human being I still am sitting in this chair to speak to all of you. I'm not a status symbol nor someone that will define your life by getting close to you. Compared to other "popular" furs online, I'm still just a drop in the wide ocean that is this fandom. I simply want to express my love for gaming, kink, and great company where there is time for it. If you, personally, cannot emotionally handle how I act online, then I'm sorry to say that is a problem I am not responsible for.
I do my best to accomodate to others wishes within reason, but I'm never going to be one's perfect friend or companion. Life is too short to hyperfixate on certain people. Life is a dynamic entity we all share. Even if our interactions are few by the time our life's thread is cut, know that you'll have made an impact in my life. Every little bit counts. And I appreciate that. I love my friends. I enjoy meeting new people that follow what I do. And I hope we can all find the positivity to keep us all going through our own challenges. Do not try to change who I am for petty reasons. I am open to discuss things that have hurt others. I just don't want to be pressured into being something I am simply not for one's happiness. That's intruding in my own agency as a human being, and considering I have grown up being told what to do and what I should value in the church, it's a sore subject when fandom friends attempt to use similar tactics on me.
That needs to stop, or we're not going to stay in contact for very long. Anyway, thanks and have a great day everyone! <3
First of all, there have been a growing number of people developing this image of me that I'm some sort of snobby "popular" fur. Honestly, I don't see that at all about myself. It's true my presence and well... "brand" as some might put it, is significantly more than when I started out in 2014 in this fandom. The artwork I get is not a way to flash wealth in people's faces to laugh at their inability to get artwork in return. Nor does the comissioned art indicates I don't value the people I talk to as friends. I know I personally cannot relate with the pain of the inability to afford art, but NOT having that ability doesn't mean I think any less of you. It's quite the opposite, actually. That I can enjoy having chats and spending time with you despite not having art to flash around to draw me in.
Secondly, my online presence and availability to chat. I think people forget that in a fandom this large, some interactions are just bound to fall by the wayside. There have been people I hold close that I spend weeks or even months of silence in between for a lot of reasons. As active as I appear to be for sure in this community, I simply do not have the energy nor time to give everyone what they want. And believe me, some people enjoy me so much that they feel this pressure to have me be with them as much as possible. I am touched by that, but I also feel like a crutch as well. Do remember that I have many things going on in my life. I have a full time job. I have a RL family to visit and keep close on weekends, along with workout friend group and that circle. I stream 2-3 times a week to keep my gaming chops fresh and ongoing, sharing my passion for gaming with as many people as I can reach. And thus, I surround myself with a lot of low maintenance relationships. Yeah, I have certain folk that I spend way more time with, but that's something that comes from putting in the work from both ends to cultivate. I have left closer bonds behind, but I have that confidence things could pick right up when I engage. That's sort of the beauty and the curse of online relationships. I simply wish others saw the reality of this medium that way instead of taking my lack of interactions as a clear insult to their character.
Finally, I just want to point out that in the end, my sona and I are still separate entities. As much as I wish to be the beefy pegasus himself one day, I know that it's a form I cannot sustain without some breaks every so often. So please treat me like the human being I still am sitting in this chair to speak to all of you. I'm not a status symbol nor someone that will define your life by getting close to you. Compared to other "popular" furs online, I'm still just a drop in the wide ocean that is this fandom. I simply want to express my love for gaming, kink, and great company where there is time for it. If you, personally, cannot emotionally handle how I act online, then I'm sorry to say that is a problem I am not responsible for.
I do my best to accomodate to others wishes within reason, but I'm never going to be one's perfect friend or companion. Life is too short to hyperfixate on certain people. Life is a dynamic entity we all share. Even if our interactions are few by the time our life's thread is cut, know that you'll have made an impact in my life. Every little bit counts. And I appreciate that. I love my friends. I enjoy meeting new people that follow what I do. And I hope we can all find the positivity to keep us all going through our own challenges. Do not try to change who I am for petty reasons. I am open to discuss things that have hurt others. I just don't want to be pressured into being something I am simply not for one's happiness. That's intruding in my own agency as a human being, and considering I have grown up being told what to do and what I should value in the church, it's a sore subject when fandom friends attempt to use similar tactics on me.
That needs to stop, or we're not going to stay in contact for very long. Anyway, thanks and have a great day everyone! <3
Gimme a holler sometime, dear heart, when you want. I am oft-times so flooded with messages only a few actually impinge on me. If you REALLY need me, rattle me around a bit. I guarantee I'm like a coin in a tin can - noisenoisenoisenoiseBLANG! ^_^
For sure I'd love to spend some more time with you when it rolls around!