The watcher number's been jumping up and down, but at this moment, it's at 600, so it counts.

So, it took 3 months to get from 500 to 600, faster than before, which I'm glad for.

As some of you may have noticed, I closed my commissions, and for a good reason - nobody wants any, so I see no point in having them open. There have been a few moments when I could have some, but at that point I already felt disgusted about everything and so I just closed them down. I lost any motivation. If noone wants anything and I mean, ANYTHING from me, I just stop wanting it as well, because it's easier to accept failure than fighting for hope in better days. And I was trying, I really was, but if this was the hardest that I tried and still not good enough, it's not getting any better. This is seriously for the 1st time that I'm considering just stopping. I feel like I'm tanking, losing it, and if I can't even get enough money that can at least cover my surgery costs (200 Euro), then I just failed. And I had and still have so much passion in 3D and maybe drawing too, but that's tanking as well. I am still working on Tiny the T-Rex model, but sometimes I just ask "what for?" Why am I actually doing it? What will I achieve? And I can't get the answer. I will make an extremelly accurate model of Tiny, but then what? What will happen? How's that good for me? Aside from my own satisfaction, I don't think there's anything.

I don't know if anything's gonna change by the time when I maybe get to 700 watchers. But if not...

Well, I certainly lack any optimism with this. So apologies if I sound too sad, but I am losing hope and motivation. It will have been 2 years since I rejoined community in november. My ultimate goal is to just rise and continue making good and popular stuff and make some good income. I got so much plans to do. But at this point and time, I don't see it.

Anyway, I can't end without at least saying my regular THANK YOU for watching me. It means a lot to me.