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I want to give up
3 years ago
As per the title, my energy & motivation to continue drawing or anything for that matter, really, have gone down the drain. I don't think I've wanted to give up this badly since I originally started drawing, and when the prospect of becoming a successful artist seemed impossible to me. But with everything going on, talk of AI art, me having lost countless friends ever since I've started this, and slowly dipping deeper into depression, I'm not sure how much more I can take. I feel like I have nothing outside my art, no external motivators, and I can't even feel good about giving gift art to others anymore because I've had a few cases of that coming back and hurting me later on pop up recently, which really took the wind out of my sails.
Hearing from others that they felt as if I only made them art for my own personal gain is incredibly hurtful. Statements like these make me want to stop making gifts for others entirely, which the whole reason I even got into art was to make my partner at the time art of his character. If I had known initially how isolating and lonely this would leave me in the long run, I would not have started to begin with. That may sound ironic considering the amount of people that I talk to a day, but I have no other word to describe this feeling other than lonely. For a while, I was getting some temporary companionship from sex to remedy the feeling, but it's not near enough to mask the pain anymore. If your initial thought is, "If you're so lonely, why don't you just hang out with friends?" then I am glad that you have not lost a partner that meant everything to you at one point or another.
I feel as if there is nothing to look forwards to anymore. I've improved myself in every aspect I can think of (physically, diet-wise, going to therapy, etc.) and I have nobody to share it with, so it feels very meaningless. Not only that, but I have no desire for materialistic things or money. The only time I feel myself pushing through a task and feeling good about it, is if the task isn't just for my own personal gain. I don't believe that's inherently a bad thing, especially if you recall the reason I got into drawing in the first place.
I understand that I am not perfect, I have made mistakes, and I have hurt others unwillingly because of them. But I've tried to make amends, only to feel as if I'm just a background friend, tolerated since I'm an artist and I can draw people free art. I have no other word to describe how I feel other than lonely, and tired. Despite all this, I will likely continue to draw since I have nothing outside of it, but I don't know how long it'll hold me together. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want help...
EDIT: I just want to say I have read over every comment, I am quite overwhelmed by the amount of support so I cannot respond to everyone. But I appreciate it all regardless <3
Hearing from others that they felt as if I only made them art for my own personal gain is incredibly hurtful. Statements like these make me want to stop making gifts for others entirely, which the whole reason I even got into art was to make my partner at the time art of his character. If I had known initially how isolating and lonely this would leave me in the long run, I would not have started to begin with. That may sound ironic considering the amount of people that I talk to a day, but I have no other word to describe this feeling other than lonely. For a while, I was getting some temporary companionship from sex to remedy the feeling, but it's not near enough to mask the pain anymore. If your initial thought is, "If you're so lonely, why don't you just hang out with friends?" then I am glad that you have not lost a partner that meant everything to you at one point or another.
I feel as if there is nothing to look forwards to anymore. I've improved myself in every aspect I can think of (physically, diet-wise, going to therapy, etc.) and I have nobody to share it with, so it feels very meaningless. Not only that, but I have no desire for materialistic things or money. The only time I feel myself pushing through a task and feeling good about it, is if the task isn't just for my own personal gain. I don't believe that's inherently a bad thing, especially if you recall the reason I got into drawing in the first place.
I understand that I am not perfect, I have made mistakes, and I have hurt others unwillingly because of them. But I've tried to make amends, only to feel as if I'm just a background friend, tolerated since I'm an artist and I can draw people free art. I have no other word to describe how I feel other than lonely, and tired. Despite all this, I will likely continue to draw since I have nothing outside of it, but I don't know how long it'll hold me together. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want help...
EDIT: I just want to say I have read over every comment, I am quite overwhelmed by the amount of support so I cannot respond to everyone. But I appreciate it all regardless <3
I really do hope you feel better seriously, its never fun being in a place like this and I probably won't understand fully but we and all the others who support you will always be here for you in anyway you need. <3
please don't give up on things you do enjoy though, also please excuse me if I may have said things that aren't relevant or anything relating to this but I just thought of commenting to show you that you aren't alone.
PS: you deserve better then those people who are hurtful and ungrateful seriously! it hurts me to hear that people basically used you :c
On the side note, (and personally my two cents on this) I'm deeply disappointed in everyone who hurts you for giving gift art or simply wanting you for the purpose of getting something out of you. As an artist, and a freelancer, you have free realm over what you wanna do with your career/hobby, whether you get paid for it or not. I can't say that it can't hurt you (cause it obviously can and will), but always remember that you are in control of what you want to do.
(Oh, and as for AI generated images, that shit is always pointless and terrible. People look at that image that won at the Colorado State Fair and fear the worst. I'm just baffled by who could've judged the competition. I look at that image and I feel nothing. It isn't art; there is no direction, it doesn't make me feel anything, and I don't even understand what it is supposed to be conveying. It just looks impressive so people think it must be good.)
I really think that talking about what's troubling you to someone is not easy. but keeping everything bottled up is not good, but if you need to talk we're here.
(Sorry if I said something that might hurt you more...I'm really not that good with this)
Whoever said that knows nothing about you. It's terrible to read that people said that.
I'm sorry that depression just eats you up, it's a really a terrible condition. Some friends of mine suffer it as well. :/
And I'm even more sorry that I can't help you beside writing you that you really deserve to be happy again and full of energy and motivation to do anything you want to do.
I really like your art. It got its unique style, separable among thousands and looks just wonderful.
I mostly like your cute characters and that you are able to make weight look anatomically right and not just like inflated as it's seen often.
My apologies
I have nothing else to say more than, i hope you feel better soon and that you could push the bad things away, and yes i'm really bad talking, but i'm trying.
I was really struggling when I got a job right out of college. It was during the peak of the pandemic so nobody wanted to hire. When I did get one, I learned that it wasn't a good fit for me after some tough soul searching. So, I took a job making less money, helping people, and now I'm much happier. The point is a change of pace can really help with your mental state. It sounds like you may be going through a life crisis, not that I'm a doctor or anything, but know that reaching out to people, like this, is always an option! Your followers may not know you for you, but we do care for you.
I'm not really sure on what to say. You've been one of my inspirations to keep going with art, and as someone who had a breakdown in a discord call with online friends re: friends I've made in high school and other stuff in that nature, the loner part hit me.
I will say that the second paragraph, that's not in any shape your fault, it's a gift you made. I've made many gifts for others when I used to use dA. Whether it was friends or not, I made them gift art. Not for my own personal gain or interests, but because I truly wanted to. Gift/Fanart isn't for personal gain, that line of thinking is wrong. You made them gifts because you wanted to, don't let those comments hurt you.
I'm sorry this is happening to you and I wish you all the best.
Your art is absolutely amazing and you shouldn't give up on it if it's something that makes you happy. You absolutely shouldn't listen to the shitty things people have said about you, and you especially shouldn't let that make you give up on things that you love and work hard on. Though I know that's easier said and done, so if you want anyone to talk to then let me know. I'm always happy to help people out and get them through rough times. The offer is there, though there's no pressure.
*Hugs.*
I don't know what I could offer to help in terms of art stuff, but I'd be open to trying to be a friend if you wanted.
Losing friends or even a partner, isn’t easy.
But sometimes stuff like that is just out of someones own control and may not be able to be undone.
It's easy to blame yourself, especially when something seemed so perfect. It may be the easiest and fastest way to deal with it, but not the correct and healthy way.
I know it's hard to acknowledge this, but doing otherwise, will only lead someone deeper into the pit of depression and guilt.
Also it’s really disgusting to think someone is just doing something for free or offering his services and skills, to make them a better person and gain attention.
Saying you’re trying to gain something, from doing stuff you love and are happy/willing to share with others, is stupid.
People how get stuff for free and then criticize/attack that person, are just ungrateful and have no right to attack them.
Overall, I’m aware that people experience things differently and deal with stuff in their own way.
But in the end, it's never good to just blame everything that happened on yourself.
Because in the scenario you describe, it really doesn't sound like you're to blame.
Additionally it's really a show of strength and character to post something like this.
It's okay to be sad and admit you reached your limit, but that is not the end.
But by everything i see and people who you talk to and react with you sound like th emost sincier and humblest person ever
I think you might be putting too much effort and a bit way little into yourself
Perfection is never a goal to be achieved it is always chased but never fully taken, I know this from my perspective may sound horrible but id tell you to stop drawing maybe and like go out for a walk, turn on video games a bit or a favourite show and just watch...
The fact remains if you are in danger you can´t help others around, no doubt by all others that it looks like everyone adores you and all want you the best in the world
And for that sake i also think you should give your best for yourself as well
Cause you deserve it
I'm not the best at talking but I can always try to chat if you want.
Part of it is discipline, because you're not going to be in the motivated mood all the time, and that's where the discipline has to kick in to pick up the slack. And maybe then you'll be able pull through until you're back in the groove of things again.
It seems like your experiences with others and gift art stems mostly from the.....odd paranoia that 'popular' people get. It's the exact same paranoia that hits wealthy people all the time, where they think everyone is out to get them and their followers/money. It honestly doesn't make much sense with artists and the like because.....you can't 'steal' followers, they're fully allowed and able to watch multiple people! It's weird.
It looks like, though, you could do with a therapist. And that's nothing to be ashamed of. A therapist would be able to help you work through your thoughts and identify what it is that makes you unable to feel the gratification from bettering yourself and all these different ways. And they'll help give you methods of changing that for the better. (this is all dependent on having a DECENT therapist, mind)
I also know how you feel in regards to the last part, but I don't have the trouble of having to sift through people who are trying to be my friend just because they might get free art. Just....try not to further isolate yourself from others, because that will only make matters worse. If you need anyone to bounce questions off of or advice or anything, let me know! I'll lend an ear, no strings attached.
I can see why you feel lonely. I think I felt that way before too. I can say one ways I overcame this was to start drawing for myself. Draw what makes me happy and keep the friends who enjoy me and my work but especially me.
Draw what you enjoy. Draw what makes you happy. If drawing for others makes you happy, then I'd say-- focus on yourself for now. Build yourself back up. Learn your self worth. Once you reach that point, then you can draw for the real friends that stuck with you through thick and thin 💙 I'm on that path right now too
Break those restraints that are limiting you.
Past is past, but there are always new things you can do now.
Maybe you can step art down to a hobby. Make it something for fun you do WHEN YOU want to do it. Making it not your primary job. This entails going out and getting a job and doing normie stuff. Maybe you put too much emphasis on arting that its burnt you out?
I do wonder if maybe you should consider having a smaller friend's group on discord. You can have your business one and then a more condensed trusted group of real friends. Or maybe simply only having a small friends group only. Its possible that being hyper friendly with everyone has drained you dry emotionally.
I super appreciate that gift art you made for me. It was extremely exciting to hear you excited to want to draw that for me, and that made me feel wonderful. The highest praise you can get from an artist is hearing them excited to draw something for you. I will always remember your happyness to make it for me. ^_^
Scaffy, you're a wonderful person. A super nice guy and its something I appreciate. A very kind hearted and caring person. Don't ever forget that. You're a great person, not because you're an artist but because you, you as a person, you the one reading this right now, are a loving, kind, and amazing individual.
I found you thanks to a friend that show me your WOF art, just when I started reading it. I just fell in love with your style, and that made me want to improve and draw more too.
I hope that it gets better soon, and in the meantime, you can talk to me whenever you want. Don't leet those feelings keep you down!
I've had many of my good friends leave me and betray me after growing my career more and its disheartening and very sad. But the friends who care for you will stay be your side. Even if you don't realize they still care.
Take the response as you will but know you are always welcome to hang out with me and my friends if you would like! I'd love to be able to hang out and give you a home where you may be able to rekindle that drive. Up to you.
I already had everything I ever wanted out of life, beside the partnership I was and still am longing for, yet the prospect of trying again after multiple monumental failures at long term relationships seems pointless.
Despite all that though, there is one thing that's been keeping me on my feet has been friends and the short term goals that their presence can provide. I too have nothing in the long run to look forward to, but I have managed to find short term things that can keep me in the game. I still haven't regained the courage to get back into the kind of things I used to create, that's still too painful, but I have started going in a slightly different direction. Still drawing for friends, but in a different way, for different purposes. I really wish I can, at some point, overcome the pain that the loss has caused me, and I hope YOU can manage too, because - although I don't know you personally - you seem like a lovely fellow, and even if you weren't, I believe everyone deserves to be happy.
It is not easy and it is going to hurt for a long while. I have yet to get over my pain, but friends really help. Being around people who show you that you are still wanted, that you can still make somebody happy, even if not the way you used to, not quite the way you wish you could. It is not enough, no, but it is something!
I'm sure you are getting plenty of responses and are probably already overwhelmed by everything, but if you do feel like you want to reach out, I'd be happy to lend an ear or a shoulder. Nobody deserves the pain you are going through, and letting it out helps, even if only a little, and for a short time sometimes. Hang in there!
Depression though, is a long road and one that often loops back on itself in my experience. While I can't pretend to know how you feel having lost someone so close to you, I can say that things do get better with time and perseverance. I know it's much easier said than done, and that idle advice may not help much, but it's important that you know that you do matter and you aren't alone in this.
Take the time you need to take care of yourself and find that spark, and feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to, or just to listen. We are all here for you.
Your art is so pleasant to look at and really inspires. Really sucks that others used you like that.
Many are open to hear you, do don't be afraid to talk, you deserve to do so.
I definitely prefer more down to earth and honest friendships rather than most of the fake furry bullshit I see around. I usually just wanna play games and hang out honestly. I've always wanted to say hey, and see if you wanted to hang out or play stuff, but I'm honestly pretty scared of bothering artists due to some past circumstances and general social anxiety... I think I offered a few times, but you were in your shy phase too, and I felt like you already had a big group, so I wasn't gonna bug you again.
But anyways, I hope you feel better dude! Just know that I think you're awesome at making art, and I'm glad you put the effort into continuing, even if you are feeling like maybe it's a waste for now, or not fun anymore.
Take care of yourself, maybe take a break for a bit, but don't give up on your ambitions! You've come a long way, and I'd hate to see you slip from your goals.
All that said, who TF says stuff like that after getting art? Gifted or otherwise thats a pretty insensitive and entitled thing to say.
It would be a terrible pity if You stopped drawing, You've got a beautiful smooth style.
If art is something that made your partner happy, I'd hope that you keep it up for them, even if no one else. Do things in your life that would still bring them a smile.
I really hope you're doing better or can find some joy. Your art is beautiful and you seem to have a very kind and gentle soul. Breath deep, seek peace
Don't let this stop you from doing art and don't let what they say get to you. If they are gonna leave you because of stuff like that then they weren't friends to begin with. Instead keep on pushing forward and keep on strivung through life! Dont let the pain and depression hold you down!
And yes, I do understand the struggle of not having wanting to hang out for one reason or another. Hopefully that goes away with time and you start feeling better. I've been wanting to write this since you posted this but I am awkward and anxious so.. sorry. Good luck man, hope you start feeling better! <3
I know this is an old post, and I hope you've moved in a more positive direction in recent months, but I absolutely know how you feel. I've been trying to better myself in pretty much the same ways you are, diet, health .. mental stability, each of them on their own are a huge challenge to undergo; so in conjunction it's a massive undertaking.
If you ever wanna chat, feel free to drop me a line, it's easier in groups and lonelyness can be a massive demotivational obstacle that can feel like it's a 50ft wall without noticing it's only 5ft wide.