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~( ´(00)`) ✨ Taking a Break
3 years ago
General
Wanted to get this out before October starts, as I'm planning on taking a break for the entirety of October from commission work.
As grateful as I am for the steady stream of commission work I can drown myself in, I'm feeling just that; drowned. It's never hit me like it has this past month and I've decided to figure out how I can proceed in the future with all of this. I need a break to clear my mind and re-evaluate.
I've suppressed a lot over the years while doing full time art for the sake of securing a large as possible audience and income of course; drawing a ton of content I am not connected to at all which is just ultimately not a good feeling that I don't know if I want to ignore anymore. It's difficult seeing other artists thrive making art that they love and put themselves into knowing I rarely feel that sense of accomplishment, and I just don't think there's any reason why I can't do that myself and also make a decent income too instead of feeling like I have to be open to anything for a better security of commissioner numbers.
It sucks, and is difficult, because as you all probably know there really is no end to how much furry art I could draw. There will always, always, always, be more people who want more furry art. People are never going to stop being horny, lol. And I've honed most of my skills into making horny art. It's very tempting to do what I've done to myself and essentially become an impersonal furry art machine as it can be so lucrative. Being drawn to the reliabe stream of commissioners I can get while doing a wide range of content while also having intense issues with being a roll-over people pleasing type person, I've really just got lost in the furry sauce here, and don't really think I like it anymore as it's become a detriment.
I've been feeling pretty empty for longer than I'd want to admit because of this for no one's fault but my own. And it makes me feel bad, because I would assume that most people would assume I enjoy doing a commission idea for them or at least like the content or etc. when... I don't, and instead completely detach myself from work and just create a product. I am faced with this any time anyone asks me for input in a commission idea or asks if I have a preference in something. I just can't answer because I've more or less turned myself into an art machine that doesn't connect with the product, doesn't connect with commissioners.
There are pieces here and there that I've had fun doing of course, and when commissioners are friendly, passionate, and polite, it makes my job really fun sometimes. I've just got the scales tipped way too far into money's favor right now above my mental health and just general life enjoyment, and I don't feel the need to do that anymore, especially since I've grown my art abilities to a point I'm happy with. I feel like I'm also luckily in a financially secure place in life to try and make a shift, hopefully to something better and more meaningful for me.
Art used to be one of the biggest sources of joy in my life and watching that slowly dissolve away over the years has not been fun. I know a lot of artists relate to this but I feel like those who are lucky enough to build an audience with art that they love are able to escape that better at least. I dunno. Hence the break to hopefully figure it out and learn things about myself as a person separated from my work.
I've no idea what I can do with all of this uncertainty, which is why I want to take a long time to think about it and draw for solely myself to see what I gravitate towards. I apologize in advance for this too, as I know deviating from a norm is really more or less creator suicide and I know a lot of people will wish I kept myself in art machine mode to get commissions from me, but I don't want to feel like this anymore.
Thanks for reading if you did, I really appreciate your time and understanding. And the biggest, hugest thank you to all of the business I've acrued here, I'm intensely grateful for it. I wouldn't have half of the things and experiences and freedom in my life right now if it wasn't for this fandom and my audience.
Rest assured I am going to be careful to honor the audience I already have while starting a new chapter and am not going to totally abandon it and am putting a lot of thought into this!
As grateful as I am for the steady stream of commission work I can drown myself in, I'm feeling just that; drowned. It's never hit me like it has this past month and I've decided to figure out how I can proceed in the future with all of this. I need a break to clear my mind and re-evaluate.
I've suppressed a lot over the years while doing full time art for the sake of securing a large as possible audience and income of course; drawing a ton of content I am not connected to at all which is just ultimately not a good feeling that I don't know if I want to ignore anymore. It's difficult seeing other artists thrive making art that they love and put themselves into knowing I rarely feel that sense of accomplishment, and I just don't think there's any reason why I can't do that myself and also make a decent income too instead of feeling like I have to be open to anything for a better security of commissioner numbers.
It sucks, and is difficult, because as you all probably know there really is no end to how much furry art I could draw. There will always, always, always, be more people who want more furry art. People are never going to stop being horny, lol. And I've honed most of my skills into making horny art. It's very tempting to do what I've done to myself and essentially become an impersonal furry art machine as it can be so lucrative. Being drawn to the reliabe stream of commissioners I can get while doing a wide range of content while also having intense issues with being a roll-over people pleasing type person, I've really just got lost in the furry sauce here, and don't really think I like it anymore as it's become a detriment.
I've been feeling pretty empty for longer than I'd want to admit because of this for no one's fault but my own. And it makes me feel bad, because I would assume that most people would assume I enjoy doing a commission idea for them or at least like the content or etc. when... I don't, and instead completely detach myself from work and just create a product. I am faced with this any time anyone asks me for input in a commission idea or asks if I have a preference in something. I just can't answer because I've more or less turned myself into an art machine that doesn't connect with the product, doesn't connect with commissioners.
There are pieces here and there that I've had fun doing of course, and when commissioners are friendly, passionate, and polite, it makes my job really fun sometimes. I've just got the scales tipped way too far into money's favor right now above my mental health and just general life enjoyment, and I don't feel the need to do that anymore, especially since I've grown my art abilities to a point I'm happy with. I feel like I'm also luckily in a financially secure place in life to try and make a shift, hopefully to something better and more meaningful for me.
Art used to be one of the biggest sources of joy in my life and watching that slowly dissolve away over the years has not been fun. I know a lot of artists relate to this but I feel like those who are lucky enough to build an audience with art that they love are able to escape that better at least. I dunno. Hence the break to hopefully figure it out and learn things about myself as a person separated from my work.
I've no idea what I can do with all of this uncertainty, which is why I want to take a long time to think about it and draw for solely myself to see what I gravitate towards. I apologize in advance for this too, as I know deviating from a norm is really more or less creator suicide and I know a lot of people will wish I kept myself in art machine mode to get commissions from me, but I don't want to feel like this anymore.
Thanks for reading if you did, I really appreciate your time and understanding. And the biggest, hugest thank you to all of the business I've acrued here, I'm intensely grateful for it. I wouldn't have half of the things and experiences and freedom in my life right now if it wasn't for this fandom and my audience.
Rest assured I am going to be careful to honor the audience I already have while starting a new chapter and am not going to totally abandon it and am putting a lot of thought into this!
Comment posting has been disabled by the journal owner.
Rest and recoup. I think you burnt out in some way, am not an artist so all I can do is speculate.
We'll be here when you come back.
Taking a break is an excellent idea and I hope you find what you are seeking! I can't wait to be done with my own queue myself, and start doing more of what I want .
As a commissioner, it's easy to forget that just cause the piece you got brings you immense joy and happiness, it doesnt have to, and sadly, often doesn't give the artist as much, or any of the same feeling.
It's why I often so often ask anymore what artists get genuine joy from drawing, to try to cater to that.
I genuinely hope you find what your looking for on your break, and hope to see art from you again sometime.
I definitely understanding needing time to recenter yourself and regroup. Take care of yourself and work hard.
Like you said, the fans will always be here :)
Best wishes!
And when I found that out...it felt really gross, and made me feel bad. I never want an artist to feel they NEED to do this, or starve...Id rather them do something they Could like and have fun with.
Besides the Product Suffering Quality because its not enjoyable, a worse outcome is the artist beginning to Hate what they do, as it becomes less fun, and more just a necessity, as you said 'becoming detached' I dont like that or want that for anybody.
I Sort of feel that way with my current job sometimes...its a horrible feeling. And dealing with it for the sake of money and survival really hurts the soul.
Enjoy your break, see ya when ya get back