Hey, big tortoise! What's your favorite food?

“My favorite food? Well, I quite like a good watermelon or two. Most fruit is quite tasty to me. It’s hard to come across them in the desert, so I’m very grateful for whenever I come across some.”

1. What your deal be, big boi? What's your backstory and current dealio?

2. Age and personality?

3. What's the most you've ever eaten?

4. Is you seeing somebody or got a crush on somebody, homie?

“Well, for the first question, I am Graham. I’m a monster knight who currently serves the king of a desert kingdom. I’m originally from an island up north, but I immigrated here at the mere age of 8. I started out as a “street rat” of sorts, but was quickly taken in by the royal family. The Prince is quite fond of me, apparently. He is the one who I’ve devoted my sword to. Ever since he saw me take out a man 3 times my size, he’s been eager to see me grow and mature. I certainly hope I’ve fulfilled his expectations.

I am currently 38 years old. As for personality, many say that I am quite straightforward and honest. Though I’ve also heard quite a few say that I am very dense. I’m not sure what that means, but it doesn’t bother me. I am who I am. Apparently I can get excitable easily as well. The Prince says that my eyes light up like a puppy’s when I get my hands on some fruit…Such acts are unbecoming of a knight. I strive to be as honest and virtuous as one could be.

The most I’ve eaten…It’s quite the embarrassing story, but I once rescued one of the merchants who frequents our plaza from some bandits. To thank me, he handed me an entire barrel full of watermelons…I don’t remember much after that. I was just focused on eating as much as I could. I’ve never been so stuffed…and so gassy, goodness me. I’m usually not one to care about my outbursts. It’s all a part of nature, after all. But that was a bit much, even for me. I still owe that merchant for breaking his stall with one of my burps…

Romance is a topic that is rarely on my mind. I devote myself to my country and to the prince. Such frivolities are unbecoming of a knight.”

Does your species have a specific name besides “humanoid tortoise”? Also, are you warm blooded or cold blooded?

“Not to my knowledge, no. There aren’t others who are like me where I live. It’s strange being the one creature who towers over everyone else by four feet. I would like to learn more about my origins someday, but it’s not in my immediate goals.

As for your second question, I am very much cold blooded. It helps out on the scorching hot days in the desert. While everyone else around me is sweating and at risk of heat stroke, I have nary an issue. I still get hot, mind you. Just not as easily as warm blooded creatures. It’s quite bothersome being cold blooded on chilly nights, however. I find myself having to use multiple blankets just to keep myself warm. I’d use another creature for warmth, but I’m not sure I’d be able to get away with that. I remember doing that when I was younger and the whole kingdom thought I had kidnapped someone. I was simply cold, that was all.”

How frequently do you burp? Do you know how to burp on cue or ever get into contests with the other knights?

“Hmm, if I’m honest I don’t burp too frequently. I do it many times when I am especially full, but not on other occasions. I can do it when requested, but not many have asked. I’ve only gotten into a contest with my fellow knights once. They’ve never once tried to goat me into a competition ever again. It’s a bit unfortunate. I had fun competing with them!”