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Opening Up
3 years ago
Yoshi?
Hey Everyone.
So I want to get some stuff off my chest because I been feeling like I haven’t been transparent with any of my friends. I haven’t really been feeling good at all mentally. I think telling everyone about what’s been going on in my life would help me feel like atleast people know about my situation and how I been feeling.
So I been looking for a new job for months now. I hate working with my father at this point but it’s all I got atm so I keep to it. It’s been very hard finding something that pays well and sadly nothing has called me back. I went to interviews and even was told “You are a shoe-in for this job” and yet nothing. I am still going to interviews and even have the NYC Sanitation test coming up to take. I’m trying my best to make a better living for myself but atm life won’t give me a break. I also have mentioned before that I am still taking the Medical test that is coming up in Oct for myself. I have failed it before so I’m hoping to pass it this time. I have almost passed it but it’s always by like 2-5 points every time. I feel like a disappointment to my family and my friends because of all this. I don’t want to be considered a free-loader or a loser…
I also have family issues since some of them can’t accept me being bi. I just try to make it like I’m ok with hiding it but I just internally hate being hidden. At least when I’m out with friends I can be more myself but being home or family event’s I got to act like…normal. It’s not all bad since I know my family loves me but I just want to be more…me…you know?
I also want to talk to people that I have wronged in my life. I have been very brutal about people talking to me to a point I have come across as an asshole. I’m really sorry to those people who have tried talking to me and I just act like a jerk to you. Also I had a few friends who stopped talking to me and even blocked me without asking me or discussing it with me. I don’t know if people think I suck as a person or people think I’m an asshole or I did something wrong but whatever it is I’m sorry. I know I am a shit person to have as a friend but I am trying to be a better person to everyone.
I also have been told that people have actually said that I get art to spite others and that is 100% false. I always like supporting people I feel totally deserve it and also people who I feel have amazing talent. I would never try to get art just to make someone feel bad or to just “One-Up” someone. That’s not me at all and people that do know me can confirm that. I hate when people spread rumors about me and then people want to make their own assumptions about me but I wish I knew how to clear it up better for people.
I am trying to do a lot with my stream on Twitch and I appreciate everyone who has been supporting me through it as a follower, watcher and even more so directly supporting me through subs. Like…I feel I don’t deserve it but it does make me happy to have people come to my stream and say they enjoy seeing me stream. It’s one of the things in life that has been making me really happy to be around. I am still updating and working on stuff on my streams and I want to continue with it to make people happy because I strive to make people happy.
I know I have been very silent about my politics but I think people know that I want the best for everyone. I do hate picking sides on situations which has also got me in trouble in the past with friends but I just think that everyone in government is crooks so picking a side is like picking which knife to drive into my stomach. It’s not fun to talk about, it’s not healthy to think about and I wish that people that can make a difference and won’t should be stomped out of existence. I know this is a unpopular opinion but if you see my twitter you know what side I’m on and that has also led people to block me since I hate Dump with a passion. It really showed how cruel and evil this country is and it takes everyone to make a difference one tiny step at a time.
I know this is a lot to read and I really just want to put it out there for everyone to know about me. I’m not perfect and living in a perfect world. I’m lucky to have people that actually care about me but there is stuff that is in my mind that likes to mess with me. I have my own issues that I have been keeping hidden like my stomach issue that I take meds for and just my life in general.
This isn’t really a call for help but more so want to be transparent with everyone about how I feel and my life. I’m not asking for free art, donations or anything at all. I just want people to know how I been feeling because I say I’m “Good” or “Ok” and I’m really not but I hate to worry people or have people like have to ask me if everything is ok. I’m blessed to have a loving boyfriend who has heard all this already and just hear me bitch and moan about it all and he suffers for it too.
I want to make a difference and I want to just clear things up. If you have an issue with me or if I have wronged you in the past please let me know and we can talk it out. I wish the best for everyone even if you hate my guts. I also don’t want people to talk to me because I’m “Popular” because I’m a nobody and I rather you be happy if you don’t want me around your life. I want to be a better person. I want to make people happy for me being around you all. I don’t know if I ever will but I can try.
Thank you for reading all this…I know it’s a lot but it is all fact and if anyone had any questions or concerns I will answer them. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this whole thing and hope you all have a wonderful day.
So I want to get some stuff off my chest because I been feeling like I haven’t been transparent with any of my friends. I haven’t really been feeling good at all mentally. I think telling everyone about what’s been going on in my life would help me feel like atleast people know about my situation and how I been feeling.
So I been looking for a new job for months now. I hate working with my father at this point but it’s all I got atm so I keep to it. It’s been very hard finding something that pays well and sadly nothing has called me back. I went to interviews and even was told “You are a shoe-in for this job” and yet nothing. I am still going to interviews and even have the NYC Sanitation test coming up to take. I’m trying my best to make a better living for myself but atm life won’t give me a break. I also have mentioned before that I am still taking the Medical test that is coming up in Oct for myself. I have failed it before so I’m hoping to pass it this time. I have almost passed it but it’s always by like 2-5 points every time. I feel like a disappointment to my family and my friends because of all this. I don’t want to be considered a free-loader or a loser…
I also have family issues since some of them can’t accept me being bi. I just try to make it like I’m ok with hiding it but I just internally hate being hidden. At least when I’m out with friends I can be more myself but being home or family event’s I got to act like…normal. It’s not all bad since I know my family loves me but I just want to be more…me…you know?
I also want to talk to people that I have wronged in my life. I have been very brutal about people talking to me to a point I have come across as an asshole. I’m really sorry to those people who have tried talking to me and I just act like a jerk to you. Also I had a few friends who stopped talking to me and even blocked me without asking me or discussing it with me. I don’t know if people think I suck as a person or people think I’m an asshole or I did something wrong but whatever it is I’m sorry. I know I am a shit person to have as a friend but I am trying to be a better person to everyone.
I also have been told that people have actually said that I get art to spite others and that is 100% false. I always like supporting people I feel totally deserve it and also people who I feel have amazing talent. I would never try to get art just to make someone feel bad or to just “One-Up” someone. That’s not me at all and people that do know me can confirm that. I hate when people spread rumors about me and then people want to make their own assumptions about me but I wish I knew how to clear it up better for people.
I am trying to do a lot with my stream on Twitch and I appreciate everyone who has been supporting me through it as a follower, watcher and even more so directly supporting me through subs. Like…I feel I don’t deserve it but it does make me happy to have people come to my stream and say they enjoy seeing me stream. It’s one of the things in life that has been making me really happy to be around. I am still updating and working on stuff on my streams and I want to continue with it to make people happy because I strive to make people happy.
I know I have been very silent about my politics but I think people know that I want the best for everyone. I do hate picking sides on situations which has also got me in trouble in the past with friends but I just think that everyone in government is crooks so picking a side is like picking which knife to drive into my stomach. It’s not fun to talk about, it’s not healthy to think about and I wish that people that can make a difference and won’t should be stomped out of existence. I know this is a unpopular opinion but if you see my twitter you know what side I’m on and that has also led people to block me since I hate Dump with a passion. It really showed how cruel and evil this country is and it takes everyone to make a difference one tiny step at a time.
I know this is a lot to read and I really just want to put it out there for everyone to know about me. I’m not perfect and living in a perfect world. I’m lucky to have people that actually care about me but there is stuff that is in my mind that likes to mess with me. I have my own issues that I have been keeping hidden like my stomach issue that I take meds for and just my life in general.
This isn’t really a call for help but more so want to be transparent with everyone about how I feel and my life. I’m not asking for free art, donations or anything at all. I just want people to know how I been feeling because I say I’m “Good” or “Ok” and I’m really not but I hate to worry people or have people like have to ask me if everything is ok. I’m blessed to have a loving boyfriend who has heard all this already and just hear me bitch and moan about it all and he suffers for it too.
I want to make a difference and I want to just clear things up. If you have an issue with me or if I have wronged you in the past please let me know and we can talk it out. I wish the best for everyone even if you hate my guts. I also don’t want people to talk to me because I’m “Popular” because I’m a nobody and I rather you be happy if you don’t want me around your life. I want to be a better person. I want to make people happy for me being around you all. I don’t know if I ever will but I can try.
Thank you for reading all this…I know it’s a lot but it is all fact and if anyone had any questions or concerns I will answer them. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this whole thing and hope you all have a wonderful day.
I do have trust issues but I need to knock my own wall down to open up and I felt I did today a bit.
As far as the jobs situation goes, the only thing I can say is while it's important to always pursue your dreams, def don't ignore other options if they present themselves to you. I can assure you my life has had many turns I did not expect, but I still made a ton of friends along the way.
I don’t really blame you either for being closed off to others. I can agree things like me asking about how life in NYC was bc I was maybe relocating to there at the time and hoping we’d cross paths could come off as a bit stalker-ish, but again, don’t blame you with how creepy those “OwO UwU” kinds of muscle simps tend to be.
As far as why I reached out to you, I just thought you were neat. You were an inspiration at a time where I couldn’t find a balance between my realistic nerdy self and being an absolutely horni muscle monster and you had that balance perfectly, and it was great to actually have your guard down and actually nerd out over games and muscles. Maybe you just being chill and yourself are the reasons why you’ve gotten so popular (fr tho, we all know it’s mostly for the muscle art)
Thank you for taking the time to open up and get all this stuff off your chest and trusting us enough to express all those feelings. Will definitely reach out to the big yosh more and maybe even grow him some >:3c
P.S. Couldn’t agree more with the politics
As for work, have you tried the airports? They desperately need people to come and join their various staffs. The reason why so many flights are cancelled and subsequently delayed, is because they are understaffed. I recommend trying there. They actually have very good benefits and perks, so it's a good place to start. I hope this helps a little bit. *hugs* ♥
I appreciate your words because it means so much coming from someone I feel really is like one of the most understanding and amazing people I know! <3