Mostly this post is for my clients, who ever commissioned me anything and still waiting
But if you're interested in what I'm going through right now, that's a post for you too
It's a status update, what's going on, when the commission will be finished, what are my plans

So, you might have noticed I've been going through quite a hiatus. Procrastination is still a problem, the queue size is unbearable, and not like it's enough - hand pain gotten worse and worse. I wasn't been able to draw more than 2 hours a day, even with 5 minute breaks each half an hour. I even feel like it might be psychosomatic. Currently I'm slowly trying to experiment with ergonomics and my approach to drawing, my technique. And alongside with that, I had a week off and I have some improvements, it got better, but the pain is still present and brings quite much frustration

Queue is a bad word, my list of commissions have no priority or direction, so it's just a list of commissions.
Right now I have more than 20 entries in YCH/Fullshade category, and a dozen more in other categories like sketches or flatcolours. I had worse numbers, but that time I was way more enthusiastic, had more energy, had more stable mentality and the hand pain wasn't such an issue. It's different now, and of course I had improvements over the years, but mostly I'm sliding down the hill of mental stability and will.

I had thoughts about giving up drawing entirely and do something else for living. I'm tired. Even tired of my own style and mistakes I make in each work. I'm tired of this stupid ass hand pain which isn't really even carpal tunnel syndrome, though I might have that as well. And I'm tired of always having so much entries in my list, I always feel stressed and can't relax and rest properly because of the guilt and self-blame. And then I open twitter or something like that and see so many artists being able to draw many hours on livestreams without any issue or tension, I see many artists having cool styles, I see many artists just... Drawing. Something. Enthusiastically. Enjoying their work. Coming up with some cool or funny situations to draw their OCs in and not because of money exactly, but because it's fun. I can't do any of that. And it makes me feel weirdly defected and inadequate. And I just feel hurt. Of course, there are people who's in a way worse position than mine, but well, I have what I have, I can't tell my feelings and my mental state that I should be thankful for even being able to do something.

I remember once one artist (who I'm not revealing the name of, who know they know) made a massive refund to all the clients because the weight of the commission list was unbearable. Quite a controversial move, but sure understandable one. I for sure understand why they did that even back then, but today I so wish I could do the same.
It's not a thing I could do though, even technically it's not possible, but even if it were, I think I still wouldn't want to do that.
I had an idea of doing basically the same thing, but keep the list of clients and how much they paid me, so they could later come to commission me or buy YCHs with their "credited" money I already received and used. But I assume most of my clients will prefer to keep their initial commissions and YCHs, so they'll just commission a "new" thing with the same ideas and characters. And not like it's the ideas and characters I don't want to do, it's only the size of the list. But yeah, in any case, waste of everyone's time and it'll be more confusing than it already is.

With some thought and consulting with friends I decided I'll make a new list of commissions. This will be the "high priority" list, and it'll only have about 2-3 entries. Those are things I'll contact the person behind and work on it exclusively. That way I could focus and not think about everything else. I won't even see every other entry, until I do when I'll refill the high priority list. But that's at least something that could harm my mental state a bit less.
It could as well be just one entry, but I need a little room for maneuvers if I loose track or will need some rest of the first one.

[UPDATE]
Forgot to say that, yeah, I don't have much saved funds to live on, so I have to get more commissions to pay all the living expenses plus bank loan. I'll try to get as few as I could, and, that might be a bummer, but I'll put all new commissions to highest priority, so I'll clear them as fast as possible and will return to older ones. I understand that older commissions deserve higher priority more, but this way it just feels more right for me, I can't really say why. Maybe I just don't want to pile up my list with even more entries, but instead make it so they practically won't even be in the list for more than a few days. I'll still have time to work on older commissions.

My plan... No, my dreamy wish is to finish all the entries in all my lists by the end of the year. But I always failed any deadline I tried to put, so it's not a promise, not even a vague estimation. It's a wish like the one you send to Santa. I'm tired and I want to finally rest in a thankful universe. I only wish that this list will be empty for once in 8 years. Not for a long time, of course, as the drawing commissions is still my only income, even though I have many skills. But well, at least for a few days or maybe a week I will be free of guilt and self-blame.

I won't lie, if anyone of my clients will be ready to just shrug it off, basically gifting the money to me and saying "yeah sure dude don't worry about it, better focus on other ones that need it more", dear God I won't feel any guilt for accepting that without hesitation (and much appreciation). Yeah, I know, it's quite a bold desire, but well, that's how desperate I am, and those are my honest thoughts. But of course I don't expect and don't even think of anyone to make such a move, it's just... A funny observation. I value people's money and that they trusted me their funds so I could make them happier. If I wouldn't value it so much, I wouldn't feel myself awful about my procrastination and unprofessionalism in the first place.

I'm very thankful for all my clients that they commissioned me, and the amount of trust and patience they give. For real, I had to be canceled as a procrastinating scammer (I'm not a scammer of course, just a very seriously struggling soul) a long time ago, I still can't believe it didn't happen. Yeah, well, I'm sure people have their opinion on that, and probably judge my work ethics and trying to keep others from commissioning me. I'm sure it's a thing somewhere. But I guess I deserve that. And still am very thankful for this amount of trust and patience everyone give me anyway. I appreciate that a lot.

In conclusion. If you're my client, wait for when I contact you. I'll try the approach of working alongside with you, showing you WIPs and discussing relevant things. That's way easier for me to keep working on something, as it brings me some feedback, enthusiasm and will. You better have Discord though! Don't worry I won't require voice chatting, I'm not that good in it anyway.
But yeah I'll also ask if you wish to change anything, basically treating it like a commission I just got, so if you reading this, and you commissioned me something, and you do want to change something you better be ready with all the details and references

If you made it this far, thank you! I appreciate you care about me. Hope this post cleared some things up for you. I'll update you on my status more later.