Hey guys! 🧸✨

So i’ve been a ghost for uh
I’m not sure how long it’s been now??
And while most of my commissioners already get the gist of what’s been going on in my life through my discord server, there’s like 250 watchers on here (it practically doubled since i left wtaf guys) that have no clue what’s been going on.
So I wanted to take this opportunity to update y’all and talk about future plans and stuff.

A lot of it is pretty personal so I may be vague about some things and leave a bunch of details out, but i’d like you to at least know a little about why i’ve been fucking off so much lmao
Besides, I think it’ll be cathartic to write it down somewhere.

So i’ve been in a relationship for like 12 years now, since I was 18 yo.
Without getting into too much detail, I was smoothbrained af when I was 18.
I mean, I’m smoothbrained now… but I was also smoothbrained then.
And while the relationship DID have it’s good times and happy days and whatnot, in hindsight…
it mostly sucked.

It sucked bad.

I’m ashamed to admit it, but for a long time, I was afraid of being alone. 12 years is a longass time. And ever since I was a teenager, only a few months after legally becoming an adult, i’d been attached at the hip of this person who makes… so much money. Well into the 6 figures.
In a lot of ways, I literally didn’t know how to live.

But over time, this person’s treatment of myself and those around me got worse and worse until about a year ago I started to finally crack.
Half the reason I joined FA and started taking commissions was to have some money in preparation for my inevitable independence.

I saved my commission money, got my own bank account, started re-learning how to drive a car, went to therapy, went to doctor’s appointments, got medication, so on and so forth…
and broke up with them.
Things were really uncertain during this time.
My name was on the deed to my house, but I didn’t have much other than that.
We stopped dating and moved to separate rooms, but I still had to live in the same house as this person for… months and months.
Not knowing what would happen was stressful, to put it mildly.

During this time, I relied heavily on the emotional support of my parents, my best friend/housemate, and a handful of very close online bestfriends. If not for them, I would have lost my entire god damn mind.
We talked, vc’d, played video games and VR, watched anime and cartoons, did rp, sent gifts in the mail, and I stayed distracted.

In June and July, I was even able to use some of my commission money to visit a couple of those online friends overseas
Which uh, may not have been the most responsible use of my money during this time, but..
It was the happiest i’d been in maybe a decade. I’m not exaggerating. It was borderline
overwhelming at times. I love them a lot.❤️

Fast forward to about two or three days ago, when I finally sat in a lawyer’s office and signed a legal contract that lets me keep the house where me, my parents, and my housemate friend all live.
It’s finally done.
My housemate friend and I went out and got a cake to celebrate.
The amount of relief we both feel is insane. Literally both became 10x more functioning overnight. I can draw again. I can do things. Wow.

But there’s been bad news too.
Today, I virtually attended the funeral of one of those close online friends who kept me going.. along with the rest of my online friends. She passed a few weeks ago and we all love and miss her very much. I owe a lot to her.

Tomorrow… my ex is coming to get the last carload of their things and will be moving several hours away from me.
Forever.

I am still grieving, and still struggling in a lot of ways, and I have $281 in my bank account.
But overall, I am happier. And hopeful. And really excited for the future.


I also want to thank all my commissioners for being so incredibly patient with me, and for being so supportive and caring towards me on discord. ;; I feel really lucky to have met so many kind people through doing VILE FURRY GORE/PORN COMS of all things lmfaooo
But seriously, it’s been a big help having less things to worry about when i uh…. Needed less things to worry about.
You all made it very clear that you cared about me and my wellbeing more than hot gore porn.
And while I don’t understand that, I do appreciate it! 💖🧸

In the next month or so, I’m gonna try to finally finish my VERY OVERDUE commissions, start taking new ones again, and make a patreon or… something?? I’d like to make a little more moola to pay all the shiny new bills, afterall.
I also wanna start streaming art progress and vcing again on my discord server…

That’s the plan, anyways.

If anyone has any suggestions for that kinda stuff, let me know!

Also, if anyone has a commission that’s like… long overdue, feel free to message me with new ideas for details and the like, I understand that it’s been a while, and you may have thought of some cool new ideas for it, or slightly changed a character’s design or something. No worries!

But Alright it’s almost 2am and i’m suddenly exhausted.
Sorry for the GIANT weirdly emotional journal, I will knock myself unconscious for the next several hours as penance!!

See ya 🧸💖