some times i feel like that everything i do is just pointless and no one wants anything i have to offer

and i feel i don't let myself express enough that i do commmissions or when i was even streaming, but to go any further feels like i'm just being annoying

even when i was doing like stuff over patreon to people who actually pay me money for support, i feel like anything i post to them is ignored and unwanted

and it just constantly feels like weaponized silence

i just want to succeed

And the only way I can succeed is for people to actually communicate with me, to constructively criticize me, to be positive support, to just make me feel like I exist and I'm valid to myself and to others

And i try to put myself out there, I try to patient, and I try to be part of communities to only feel like either I have nothing to say or if anything I have to contribute is just not interesting enough for anyone


and of course i put myself out there, i talk, i get silence




and then the unwanted feeling settles in