I just want to start off apologizing this journal's gonna be a bit rambly but there will be a tl;dr at the end

I want to apologize for basically falling off the face of FA for the better part of a month.

September and October are always very difficult months for me being the months of my mom's birthday and the anniversary of her passing away. It's been 9 years but I still miss her so much every day. For those of you who don't know she had a very sudden and very painful fight with lung cancer that lasted from diagnosis in April 2013 and passing in September 2013. Seeing her every day crying in pain and asking me to make it stop and very little to no help from any of these supposed 'organizations that help cancer patients' as soon as they realize she had no health insurance was...eye opening.

I've also been having conflicts with work and just general burn out from increasing amounts of drama and negative co workers that have eventually jaded my own outlook and mood. I've only been sticking around to get my licensure but even that is slow going as I didn't pass one of the tests needed to obtain said license. Sure there's always next time and another $200 on the test, but as someone who...I guess rarely ever failed tests before, this kind of hurt my pride a bit lol. I had some very bad anxiety before the test and didn't study as well as I could have. So I've been trying to focus on that as well in my downtime off work.

My depression had returned full force because of these things as well as general conflict in my personal relationship that I...definitely didn't need added to my plate haha. My fiance doesn't really understand mental health issues if it's not something he can physically see and figure out. Ever the rational. And my depression has basically made my already low energy amount drop to 0 production other than the occasional personal art I have been doing in order to help cope with all the others stressors.

So! Dear commissioners

I am very sorry my art has been dropping in production and I've been absent for so long. You have every right to be upset at how long it is taking me. I have just been doodling personal art in my downtime because it helps me...feel something. Other than stress and anxious and depressed and wanting to possibly do something drastic lol

If you would like a refund please let me know in a note of what the original commission was, your pp email and the amount. I do not know 100% when I will be able to process the refunds but I will get to them eventually if I can fit it into each paycheck.

I am going to try to begin working on just commissions at the beginning of November and focus on that. I will not be taking any new YCH's or commissions until my queue has lessened other than what few pieces are still open.

tl;dr
depression sucks yo, if you want a refund hmu