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Not a happy journal
3 years ago
I don't know how to start this.. to be honest, a big part of me doesn't want to write this out. I need to get stuff off my chest. I need to vent.
I am not doing well and my family is not doing well.
My parents both have cancer. My dad wanted to focus on mom's health first, so she decided to do chemotherapy earlier this year. It was mostly me and my dad that were looking after her after. Then, 2 months ago, she had a stroke. She's alive, but she can't move the left side of her body.
She's been in a care home/ rehab center and will be returned home in about a month. We've been trying to get the house ready to accommodate her. Easier said than done. And trying to get financial aid from the state has been a real chore.
Understandably this puts a lot of stress on my family. I believe my dad has it the worst amongst us. And he likes to come to me to "talk" about it. Like I'm his personal shrink. He also has a short term memory issue so he will vent about the same things over and over, hour after hour, day after day. It's has not been good for my sanity.
Something that's been coming up more frequently is him showing me where he keeps his records and stuff "just in case something happens to him." He emphasizes that part and I'm like, damn, are you going to kill yourself or are you dying from you're cancer quicker than you're letting on?? Btw, if he does die, I will have a $300k loan hovering over me. (He borrowed it many years back to refurbish another house we owned so it could be rented out and pay for itself, but hooo boy thats. That wasn't a good investment sadly)
So yeah, other troubles in the family, my sister and her husband are going through a divorce. My younger brother wrecked his car and may be an alcoholic. I'm dealing with personal issues such as low self worth, anxiety, and depression. Top that all off with the stress and sadness of my mom's situation and yeah. Not a good mix.
The way I push forward is by living day by day. Just dealing with things in the moment. It puts me in this sort of "bubble" where I will forget and not think about things outside of it. Inside as well, think of it as bottled up emotions. It's a terrible way to live, but it's the only way I've been able to cope thus far, and now it's failing me. Or I guess it would be more accurate to say that there's too much going on now that the my pent up emotions are overflowing and the stuff around me are too great to ignore.
I guess I should mention this as well. Drawing has not been feeling fun for me. It feels more like work than an enjoyable hobby. So don't expect much from me. Honestly, if I wasn't close to finishing my side of these trades, I would've asked to cancel and offer money in exchange for the work the others did.
So that's whats going on in my life. Sorry for the long read. I hope you guys are doing alright. I'm feeling a little better after writing this all out. It just. Life sucks right now
I am not doing well and my family is not doing well.
My parents both have cancer. My dad wanted to focus on mom's health first, so she decided to do chemotherapy earlier this year. It was mostly me and my dad that were looking after her after. Then, 2 months ago, she had a stroke. She's alive, but she can't move the left side of her body.
She's been in a care home/ rehab center and will be returned home in about a month. We've been trying to get the house ready to accommodate her. Easier said than done. And trying to get financial aid from the state has been a real chore.
Understandably this puts a lot of stress on my family. I believe my dad has it the worst amongst us. And he likes to come to me to "talk" about it. Like I'm his personal shrink. He also has a short term memory issue so he will vent about the same things over and over, hour after hour, day after day. It's has not been good for my sanity.
Something that's been coming up more frequently is him showing me where he keeps his records and stuff "just in case something happens to him." He emphasizes that part and I'm like, damn, are you going to kill yourself or are you dying from you're cancer quicker than you're letting on?? Btw, if he does die, I will have a $300k loan hovering over me. (He borrowed it many years back to refurbish another house we owned so it could be rented out and pay for itself, but hooo boy thats. That wasn't a good investment sadly)
So yeah, other troubles in the family, my sister and her husband are going through a divorce. My younger brother wrecked his car and may be an alcoholic. I'm dealing with personal issues such as low self worth, anxiety, and depression. Top that all off with the stress and sadness of my mom's situation and yeah. Not a good mix.
The way I push forward is by living day by day. Just dealing with things in the moment. It puts me in this sort of "bubble" where I will forget and not think about things outside of it. Inside as well, think of it as bottled up emotions. It's a terrible way to live, but it's the only way I've been able to cope thus far, and now it's failing me. Or I guess it would be more accurate to say that there's too much going on now that the my pent up emotions are overflowing and the stuff around me are too great to ignore.
I guess I should mention this as well. Drawing has not been feeling fun for me. It feels more like work than an enjoyable hobby. So don't expect much from me. Honestly, if I wasn't close to finishing my side of these trades, I would've asked to cancel and offer money in exchange for the work the others did.
So that's whats going on in my life. Sorry for the long read. I hope you guys are doing alright. I'm feeling a little better after writing this all out. It just. Life sucks right now
It might be good to take a break from art if it's adding to your stress with everything else, and return when you are feeling a bit better?
Feel free to reach out if you wanna talk, you know you always can :)
Just, I don't want you to feel like a charity case with this (you've already got more than enough agitating you), but if we can chip in to help in anyway.