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Mental Health
3 years ago
I'm going to open to you: I'm not okay.
Honestly that's the main reason why my work output has been so slow. Last year and this year have eroded my mental health to a degree that it makes me amazed that I managed to survive this long. It brought back my chronic depression which I thought had been cured years ago.
On the first half of last year alone, my grandpa, my uncle grandpa, and my uncle grandma died one after the other. I could not bear to go to their funerals, I couldn't grasp it. I still can't. My parents divorced, and I've been dealing with their cultist chicanery for my whole life, and only about recently that I got away from their influence.
And from then to now I have been sinking into a limbo of waking up, eating and spending my entire day in front of a screen, trying to build myself the diligence to write. Rinse and repeat for almost three years of isolation, seeing almost no one but my dad most of time, and only going out at night for my college classes. Even writing, watching movies, and gaming became menial for a while.
All my friends are online now. I haven't seen my real life friends in quite a while.
A little devil came and sat on my shoulder, and whispered to me about how evil I was, how much of an awful person I am. This all came to in the early half of this month. There was not one day when I didn't have dark thoughts about ending things, and I spiraled into a deep state of depression on a daily basis, having fits with my friends, blaming myself for things I had no control of or things that were not true at all.
A friend then tossed the metaphorical bucket of cold water on my face. He almost got me banned off a server because of a suicidal post. That made me realized that I had to get a grip, and try to better myself.
Truth is, just before that, I started a free "treatment" online. I can't afford psychiatric treatment, so I had to consult someone online to help. It's not much different than trying to escape Hel by climbing the string of a spider, but it's all I have at the moment.
But regardless, I'm trying to get myself out of this hole so I can weave more stories for everyone. Not just for you guys, but for myself too. There's nothing more heartwarming than getting compliments for my writing, and even though I don't reply much, know that your comments make my day a bit better.
Thank you for following me.
Honestly that's the main reason why my work output has been so slow. Last year and this year have eroded my mental health to a degree that it makes me amazed that I managed to survive this long. It brought back my chronic depression which I thought had been cured years ago.
On the first half of last year alone, my grandpa, my uncle grandpa, and my uncle grandma died one after the other. I could not bear to go to their funerals, I couldn't grasp it. I still can't. My parents divorced, and I've been dealing with their cultist chicanery for my whole life, and only about recently that I got away from their influence.
And from then to now I have been sinking into a limbo of waking up, eating and spending my entire day in front of a screen, trying to build myself the diligence to write. Rinse and repeat for almost three years of isolation, seeing almost no one but my dad most of time, and only going out at night for my college classes. Even writing, watching movies, and gaming became menial for a while.
All my friends are online now. I haven't seen my real life friends in quite a while.
A little devil came and sat on my shoulder, and whispered to me about how evil I was, how much of an awful person I am. This all came to in the early half of this month. There was not one day when I didn't have dark thoughts about ending things, and I spiraled into a deep state of depression on a daily basis, having fits with my friends, blaming myself for things I had no control of or things that were not true at all.
A friend then tossed the metaphorical bucket of cold water on my face. He almost got me banned off a server because of a suicidal post. That made me realized that I had to get a grip, and try to better myself.
Truth is, just before that, I started a free "treatment" online. I can't afford psychiatric treatment, so I had to consult someone online to help. It's not much different than trying to escape Hel by climbing the string of a spider, but it's all I have at the moment.
But regardless, I'm trying to get myself out of this hole so I can weave more stories for everyone. Not just for you guys, but for myself too. There's nothing more heartwarming than getting compliments for my writing, and even though I don't reply much, know that your comments make my day a bit better.
Thank you for following me.
Setz
~setz
Heya. Thank you very much for opening up. I made the decision to open up with practically everyone about my mental health and it does make things much better. I totally get where your coming from. I'm been fighting depression and self-destructive anxiety all of my life. My creativity comes in spurts and I'm hardly prolific, but I know what you're saying about writing. If you don't got it right now, you don't got it. There's always a person behind the words and that's the important part. Hang in there and know that you really aren't an evil person at all and that's it's just the disease talking. You're cared about and appreciated and wildly talented. Take care.
